Day 2-mieux

Today was a lot easier than yesterday. I think there were a lot of reasons. I woke up 25 minutes before my alarm went off with a really bad headache. At first I was upset that my head hurt so bad, but then I looked at my clock and realized that though I set the alarm for the right time, I hadn't actually set it to go off. So it was really fortunate that I DID have a debilitating headache. Ok it wasn't that bad. After 4 or 6 ibuprofen it went away. I walked to school and DIDN'T get lost (yay!). And found out that I had to take the placement test AGAIN. Apparently it didn't work either of the two times I took it online. So by the third time taking the exact same test, I knew most of the answers pretty well. Hopefully I don't test into a class too hard. Haha. But while the 20 or so of us who had to take the test were doing so, everyone else had an oral test. None of us had one. I asked my professor about it and he said, "They'll put you in a level based of that test. If it's wrong tomorrow, I'll fix it." Uh...ok I guess. So was that test really necessary for everyone else? I don't know. Anyway, then we got a tour of Tours (lol) and I was thoroughly turned around for pretty much the whole thing. But the city is not gigantic, just very concentrated. My host mom said it's about 50,000 people, which is about the same size as Corvallis, but it's SO different. It's a very old city for one thing, and it feels like a city, whereas Corvallis feels like a town, and it's really spread out.

After our tests and tour, it was lunchtime, so me and two other girls went around looking for places that weren't too expensive. We found this one called Pyramid. I ordered a falafel sandwich, which I didn't know what it was;the menu just said vegetarian, so I figured that was safe. I had NO idea what they were giving me, but it was good. It was in a sort of pita that tasted more like a pancake than pita, with cheese, lettuce and tomatoes. Oh and fries. Eating fries in a country that doesn't eat ketchup was strange. Somebody told me that the French eat fries with mayonnaise. So they have half of the fry sauce recipe down :)

In my group we spoke almost all French. It was hard, but really good for us. We didn't talk nearly as much as we would have in English, but it was good practice. Saddest part: I ordered mineral water, and they gave me water...enriched with minerals. I was taught that if you order mineral water, they give you sparkling water, and if you order "natural" water, that's plain water. I was thoroughly disappointed since I had a bottle of "still" water with me, but no matter. I think maybe they could figure out we were American from our accents and our struggling with French when we ordered, and just assumed that Americans hate sparkling water, which is true for the most part (except for me). But it turned out ok because they gave us all free sweet mint tea. So my whole meal, a sandwich, fries, and water (plus free tea) was only E 5,50. Then my card didn't work. I tried one of my debit cards AND my credit card and neither worked! I was really worried that even though I called my banks, they somehow forgot to change it and froze my card. Luckily I was with my friends and one of them paid for me. Then I went to an ATM and took out about E 100 to pay for an excursion and just for everyday things.

After we met up with people again, me and a group of about 5 others stayed together for awhile, walking around the city, going into shops, looking around, all sorts of things. It was really really fun. In this group, we spoke almost only English. We spend 5 or 6 hours together, and it was great. It was nice to just relax and have no schedule. We ended up at a bar and I ordered a coffee. Here ordering coffee means a shot of espresso with a little sugar packet and spoon. It was really strong! But good. A couple people got wine and one person got cafe au lait (basically a latte). Get this. The espresso was one Euro. The wine was 2, and the cafe au lait was E 1,30! What relief from $5 Starbucks!

Anyway, today was good, though it's still a little hard communicating with my family, but things are getting better, and I hope I can continue to made good friends. These people were really fun and I laughed a lot with them. There's one guy in the group who's kind of a douche, but he's really funny, so it's hard not to like him.

So it's getting late and I have to predre un douche (which means a shower, not the other thing ;). Here's hoping tomorrow is as good or better!

Peace

Well I'm here. In France. Tours, to be exact. I'm really excited and happy to be here, but I'm also really socially exhausted. I really can't understand much of what my family says to me, which sucks since I've been taking French for like 6 years. But I am learning how to say things that I need to say, and we have been able to have conversations. They just know that when they talk to me, they have to do so slowly and they'll probably have to repeat some things. Well I should probably go to bed. School starts tomorrow at 8:15!

Peace

ps-I saw the Eifffel Tower today-Twice! But it was really small and far away.

If Only

This poem was inspired by the poem "If Only" by Micah Lilley. I've been finishing up The Chronicles of Narnia lately. But I know most people only know The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe and maybe Prince Caspian, so I kept the references to things most people would know. It's pretty rough, seeing as I just wrote it. And again, I'm playing with form, seeing what works best and feels most comfortable for me. I think I was able to express some of my frustration here whilst still satisfying those who follow the underlying theme of the series.

If only life

were just as simple

as that of Narnia

and surrounding lands

Where the lamppost was

home and Aslan was

good and always

came just when you

needed him

Where Tumnus gave you

tea and you chatted like

friends, where talking beasts were

generous with everything

so you always felt at home

Where sons of Adam

were wise rulers

and daughters of Eve

were just and brave

When Aslan came just

when you needed him

When he saw his creation

and knew it was good

When he loved his creation

and knew it was good

Ah for the days of old!

Perhaps we aren't

so different as I think

Many here have

a lamppost home

Many believe

in a lion-god

Many drink tea

in the company of friends

We have generous people

make you feel right at home

We have Adam-rulers

and Eve-organizers

But does our Aslan

Come when we need him?

As the seasons have changed

my heart remains cold

Always winter but never

Christmas, like the years

of the White Witch

My soul's voice has grown

hoarse from crying out

my tears have dried

my prayers unanswered

My hope is buried

in a magical land

perhaps someday I'll find

a way through the

wardrobe to Aslan

and he will come

just when I need him

You Burn Me (Stanzas)

You burn me

With every breath

Every word

Every touch

You petrified my

heart is only a shadow of

my former

selfless for

you were my

everything else became

nothing.

Once.

I saw a way

out of your mind

if I leave you

never ask what I

think about it

never matters what I

say something don't just stand

there it is again the

look I can't stop

You burn me

with your cigarette

butts.

They told me to stand up to

you used to make me feel so a—

live in the moment—

ary lapses of memory.

Stop, you're hurting me

the way you grab me by my

shoulders and shake

it you tell me but I'm tired of your

presence is suffocating me

once and you thought it was

funny how you used to drive me

crazy

eyes

watching me

I am never alone.

You Burn Me-with inspiration from Sappho

You burn me with every breath every word every touch

You petrified my heart is only a shadow of my former selfless for you were my everything else became nothing.

Once.

I saw a way out of your mind if I leave you never ask what I think about it never matters what I say something don't just stand there it is again the look I can't stop

You burn me with your cigarette butts.

They told me to stand up to you used to make me feel so alive in the momentary lapses of memory.

Stop, you're hurting me the way you grab me by my shoulders and shake it you tell me but I'm tired of your presence is suffocating me once and you thought it was funny how you used to drive me crazy eyes watching me.

I am never alone.

A Little More Ketchup

So I have a few things lying around that I need to put up, especially since Hannah wanted to see some more of my poetry. :) So I'm going to put up two different versions of a poem I wrote. It was inspired by a line from Sappho, "You Burn Me." It was the only line on the entire page. For those who don't know, Sappho was a first century Greek (?) poet. Remarkably, a lot of her work has survived, but some of it is in fragments. I had the privilege of going through on of her translated works in a class, and thus the ability to discuss it and exchange ideas about the idea of that is lost, and perhaps gained, in translation. Anyway, it's interesting to wonder, was that "You Burn Me" supposed to be a poem in and of itself, or was it just the only fragment left?

So the poem I wrote is called "You Burn Me." I've heard a lot of experiences here and there with abusive relationships in the past school year, so I decided to write about it. I still hold that unless otherwise noted, my work is mostly fiction. Then again, I would like to think that parts of my writing are true for someone. Anyway, don't worry about me. This poem isn't about me.

It was kind of an experiment with form and meanings; do you ever start a sentence one way and then end it with something completely different than the beginning? Have you ever played a game called Culture Clash? Ok here's an example using a Beatles member and a famous actor:

George Harrison Ford

Doesn't make much sense? I know. I'm having a hard time explaining it and understanding it myself. Anyway, I did a lot of revision at the beginning and haven't touched it much sense, so I'm going to publish it two different ways: as poetry in stanzas and prose poetry. Let me know if one strikes you as better/more effective.

Also, I feel the need to say this even though nobody would know the difference: Originally, this poem was just about an abusive relationship, but then it became something more. In class, we were given some time to revise, so I did. I felt like I was possessed and wrote and wrote and wrote for almost the entire 30 minutes she gave us. What came out of it was a far more shocking, violent, and probably offensive version of the same poem, but moving into illustrating more of a rape situation. I actually can't even read it out loud, so I'm not going to put it up here. If I'm afraid to read it and I'm the one who WROTE it, I assume it would make some readers a tad bit uncomfortable as well. Part of me sees it as a great success because that's not something many writers can write well (yet I by no means do it well), but at the same time, not a lot of readers want to read that kind of thing. I am torn. Anyway, you will see.

Also, I might post some more "Unapologies" stuff up here. We shall see.

Oh! And just a warning: I leave for France in a week. I might use this as a less formal way to document some of my adventures while I'm there. Just so you know. For the month of June and beginning of July, there may be less creative and more experiential type stuff. Just so y'all know.

Peace

A note on the detention slip

It was really difficult to get all the formatting right, so this is the only way I could put it up here. If you're really interested in the actual thing, send me your e-mail and I'll e-mail you a screen shot.

Peace.

Weston’s Detention Slip

Granite Hills High School

TEACHER-ASSIGNED DETENTION NOTICE

Student: ___Weston____

Date:
____3/7_____

Teacher:
Marin Mckewn_

Date of Dentention: _____3/7______

Reason for detention:
While discussing the dustbowl in "The Grapes of Wrath," another student commented (in reference to the the dust storms), "They could get really big. And then you'd have it inside your mouth and teeth and everything," to which Weston responded, "That's what she said."

Parent Notification (mark one):

__X___ E-mail or ______ Phone Call

Detention to be served: ___3/7__

Additional Comments: ____Weston makes these comments a lot. Normally they're said quietly or briefly. This was just really inappropriate and really embarrassed the other student.______________

Weston’s Haikus about Sarah

Today I saw you

Hair beautiful face glowed bright

And I kept walking

    

I'm here and you're there

I look at you from afar

Wish I was closer

 

Your laughter tickles

Me and I love to hear it

Wish it was with me

Unapologies-Sara’s Diary (Homecoming)

Dear Diary,

Wow. Today was sure weird. It was a normal Saturday, work at the Regent at 7am, except we had a double header soccer game against West. We lost, but it was mostly because Jess is sick, and she's our leading scorer. It totally sucked to lose twice though. We just played two 45 minute "games" with no half-times, so it was more like one really long game. Like you know those bad dreams you can't wake up from. Yeah. Kinda like that. I did assist on the one goal we made though, so that was alright.

Then I went to go pick up Weston's boutonniere. They told me it should be kept cool but not refrigerated. Wtf?! So of course while I was getting my hair done, my mom had to come pick it up because I could see it wilting. Good old mom. She picked Lyle up early from daycare just to help me out. I think she knew how stressful today was. And I wasn't exactly excited about the dance. Ok that's a lie. I was way excited, but way nervous.

Me and Weston are NOT from the same social group at all. Like if our groups were planets he would be the sun and I would be Pluto. Yeah, I'm not even a REAL planet. I'm a fake one. Even the social rejects get more attention than me because everybody notices they're rejected. But back to Weston. I thought he was gonna put on that whole I'm-hot-and-you-shall-worship-the-ground-I-walk-on attitude, but he didn't. We just had macaroni at his house, but he set stuff up really nice on his patio. I had a hard time figuring out when he was putting on an act and when he was really being himself though. I think he realized about halfway through dinner that I'm not one of those bleach blonde clones that dreams of dating him, and that I care about more in life than who the next person I'm gonna make out with is.

But either way, he was pretty nice and watching the sunset over vineyards—yes, his family has vineyards, darn those rich folks—was really pretty. The dance itself was SO AWKWARD! Wow. We only ended up dancing to a few songs. And then a slow song came on while we were sitting down taking a break. He asked me dance, and of course I said yes. I feel like the only purpose of those sappy songs is to make us teenagers feel as uncomfortable, as possible. You sit there, arms around each other, and shuffle your feet from side to side while, what, gazing longingly into each other's eyes? We did manage to have a little bit of conversation though. He told me I looked nice, and I said he cleaned up well. He told me he was glad I came. And then it was over. The dance, that is.

I didn't have to be home till 12:30 and it was 11:45, so he asked me if I wanted to go for walk in the wetlands. The mist there reminded me of a fairy tale and it all seemed a little surreal. The wetlands have this elevated walkway that's a few feet off the ground and it goes in a big loop. About halfway around, there's this dock you can walk out onto that overlooks a big pond. We sat down at the end of the dock and it was pretty quiet, but eventually frogs and crickets and all sorts of animals started up again, and it was really cool. He said when he was little, his dad used to take him here at night in the summer. They used to lay out on the boardwalk listening to the crickets and watch for shooting stars. That's way cool. I wish I had cool childhood memories like that. I just remember a lot of hospital visits. I was really relieved he didn't ask me about my dad.

It was interesting. Out there at the end of the dock, it was like we could just be friends. The whole social structure of school didn't apply and we were just two kids on a date. And I hate to admit it, but for that moment, I enjoyed it. I don't LIKE like him yet, but I'd be willing to take a closer look, unless things go back to the way they have always been. But I feel like maybe things are changing.

Then he took me home and I told him I had a nice time and really enjoyed the macaroni. He said it was fun getting to know me better and sometime when it wasn't so foggy we could look for shooting stars. Was that an invitation? And I leaned in to give him a half-hug, and he kissed my cheek. I totally wasn't expecting that! What does a cheek-kiss mean, coming from him?? So I just kind of smiled and went inside and ran up to my room.

Well, I have a lot of studying to do tomorrow. I guess it technically is tomorrow, but I have to get to bed. I still don't know what to think. Why did he ask me? Was he being for real tonight, or was that just an act to lure me in. I'll have to wait until Monday to see where things go from here. Well, goodnight, Diary.

Sara

A couple thoughts

Ok, so my first thing is that I wrote this poem. It was inspired by a line by Sappho, "you burn me." It's still pretty rough. It's by no means finished. But I feel like it's really powerful. It's actually so violent that I can't read it out loud. I'm afraid to put it on here because I'm afraid I'll shock people and I guess the poem itself still really scares me. Anyway, that's that. I'll see if maybe in the next few days I can work up the courage to put that up.

I might put up some more Unapologies stuff (meaning Sara and Weston's story), which is what I am actually working on right now. I think I'm going to write an all-dialogue piece today. It's going to be one of the first times they hang out after homecoming. I think they're going to go back to the same place they went after the dance--what am I saying? Nobody's really gonna get this unless I put Sara's diary entry up here. Anyway, I'm workin on more.

Also, my blog is getting spammed in Chinese. I used Google translator with language detector to decipher random comments and they are in Chinese advertising porn. Thank you so much Chinese strangers. Now leave and don't come back. If anyone is computer savvy and knows how to block/report that kind of stuff and make it stop, that would be much appreciated.

Peace.

Weston's to-do list

To Do:
• Bio research
• Work on history paper proposal
• Algebra homework-call Kenny for answers
• Finish Hamlet (ie finish Hamlet Sparknotes)
• Tell mom to buy me more Old Spice
• New football cardio
• Take Muggs for a walk/run/bike ride
• Research Athlete’s Foot and figure out if that’s what I have and if so how to make it go away
• Try to convince mom and dad I need a new snowboard, maybe mention how it was his fault I got the scratch on my old one cause he took me when I didn’t wanna go and there was no fresh pow, so I totally deserve it
• Figure out how to tell dad about my car/bike/bike rack AND get the new board in the same day. Stranger things have happened. Like when that pretty blonde had a crush on Ben…
• Figure out through the grapevine why Sara hates me. Why does she act like I’m so bad? What’s wrong with her?