Schmorgisboard

So rewind to Tuesday night. I'm just getting off work. It's about 10:45 pm. I walk into my apartment and I'm getting ready to change out of my work clothes and put jammies on when a girl bursts into the room and says "Hey, Shawn, wanna go get SLURPEES?" I ask where, and she says Kanab (35 minute drive each way). I think to myself, well I don't work until 2:30 tomorrow, why not?

So we all jam ourselves into Adella's (one of my co-workers) car, 2 in the front, four in the back. I think I had about 4 square inches of seat to myself. We sang our hearts out to almost every song on Backstreet Boys Millenium. Ah-mazing. It was hilarious and I was so surprised/slightly embarrassed I remembered like ALL the words! I haven't listened to that music in at least 5 years. But then we put in other CDs and sang to those too. Another big favorite was "Unwritten." Good song. So we FINALLY get to Kanab, go inside this gas station, and there are NO SLURPEES!! But the clerk told us there were across the street, so we run across the highway at like midnight, grab slurpees, all the while screaming and hooting like crazy people, then run back to gas station no. 1 to load up on snacks (buffet for 3 meals a day = :( ). I think the clerk was pretty sure we were drunk. Heck, I was thinking if I wasn't with a whole bunch of momos they were drunk. Seriously, I thought maybe somebody slipped something in EVERYONE'S water or something. But yeah. I had a short little conversation with the clerk about primetimes which was fun, and then we went outside for a short round of "Big Booty." Unfortunately, that ended prematurely because Lonnie has too little experience with it, didn't get it, and we somehow ended up picking her every time.

We drove home, singing our hearts out the whole way. Tons of fun. Too much fun.

Fast forward, pause. Thursday morning.

We decided to hike part of the Narrows, which is named for the narrow canyon the Virgin river has carved. This hike is a mile of dry trail, and then it ends at the river. After that, you literally hike up a river. The whole thing is 14-16 miles round trip and to do it from top to bottom or up and down you have to buy a permit. We were just going to go up for an hour or two, and then turn back around.

On the way into the park, there is a tunnel is 1.1 miles long, and they often have to stop traffic so trailers and RVs can get through since it's low clearance. We arrived at the tunnel and learned that we would have to wait 5-7 minutes. So what would any self-respecting hardcore hiking girls do? Dance party of course. We blasted our music, jumped out of the car, and started dancing in the street! We got quite a few looks. It was one of the most fun things I've ever done. The ranger manning the tunnel thought it was pretty great too. We took some pretty sweet pics and videos.

The Narrows was beautiful. To say anything else would be to diminish the beauty of something indescribable.

On the shuttle ride back to the car, we sang a bunch of songs and actually got applause. Some people started singing along. That was pretty fun.

That night, I played tennis for the first time in my life. I played on an off for about 3 hours. My arm still hurts. It was really fun though. I wanna learn to play more.

I started learning the Thriller dance in honor of our fallen pop star. Ok please, just let me say this. Yes, in his later years, he made his fair share of mistakes and did a lot of nasty things, but that doesn't change the fact that Michael Jackson is the King of Pop and from Jackson 5 to the Thriller and beyond, nobody can deny his amazing talent and dance moves. I hope to someday dance like him.

In other news, there are a lot of mormons here.

I miss Landon. A lot.

Soooo, the stars here are amazing. Like nothing you've ever seen before. Promise. The other night, I was sitting outside chatting with Danny, and we were both amazed at how amazingly beautiful and clear the stars were, and then somebody turned off some gigantic flood light, and we could seen twice as many stars. I can't even explain it. I saw 2 shooting stars within like a half hour.

Yesterday I went with Marci and her cousin to go see petroglyphs in the park. It was seriously amazing. It's this completely unmarked path that a couple people who work here told me about. You basically hike down this riverbed for awhile and then find a random trail from there, and all of a sudden, in the middle of nowhere, there's a few signs about ancient carvings in the walls by the Western (?) Paiutes and Freemonts. It was amazing. Seriously. There were a whole bunch. A bunch of swirls, stick figures, and animals for the most part. It was so cool! I wish I could have known the stories that went along with them. It was seriously cool though.

Today work was work. I worked morning shift, which is usually pretty chill, but it totally wasn't today. It was so busy I could barely keep my thoughts straight. Plus Robyn, my coworker was sick, so I had to actually do some work, which was actually good for me. I feel like I'm learning and getting better at this job, but there are still so many things I don't know how to do! Sometimes I seriously feel like I'll never understand half of this job. Working with Robyn is a little stressful. I can't figure out why. I guess I kind of feel like every time I make a mistake she points it out and tells me what I should have done. I mean, that's probably good because I'll figure things out quicker, but it also makes me feel pretty inept sometimes.

I really miss Landon. Surprise surprise!

The other day one of the Mormon girls asked me why I wasn't mormon. Oh boy, I thought. Ok she didn't exactly ask it like that, but that's what she was asking. I warned her and apologized in advance if I was going to offend her. Basically I told her:
-The Bible is the most historically accurate document in existence. Archeologists in the Middle East use it as their guidebook. There is now secular historical evidence of the Hitites, an old Testament tribe, which the Bible describes and refers to multiple times.
-The Book of Mormon is not so reliable. There is no evidence of the Nephites or Lamanites or elephants, horses, or wheat at the time the Joseph Smith said (or the Book of Mormon says). Historians have done a lot of research and digging on this topic. No evidence.
-A lot of what I've seen is based on feelings.
"So why do you believe what you believe?"
"Because I know it's true."
"How do you know?"
"I just do."
"How?"
"I can just feel it."
"So if I really really feel that Australia doesn't exist since I can't see it, does that mean it doesn't, because I don't feel like it should?"
-I've been to Mormon church and didn't particularly like it.
-A "testimony" basically consists of saying that you "testify" that the Book of Mormon is true, that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God, etc. Stating all of it as truth. As much as I used to disagree with the following statement, there is no way I can prove a religion is true. There is no way I can prove that God exists. There is no way I can say that it isn't a bunch of religious hogwash. There is nothing that I can do to prove it's not bullshit. All I can say is "this is what I believe." That's it. Perfect example, as I was saying that specific sentence, one of the girls walked up, stopped for a second, said, "Well I know it's true." And then walked away. Thanks for proving my point. Truth is truth. What I do or don't believe can in no way change the truth.
-The checklist. Need I say more?

Yeah so that was pretty much it. I was like, hmm this sucks. At that point I kind of wished I'd just said that I'd done my research and wasn't interested. But oh well. I felt uncomfortable, and like I'd said too much, but not enough, and that nobody cared what I really thought. Oh well. At least now a couple people know.

I told another couple people that I smoke cigars on occasion. One of the girls that I for sure thought would think I was the devil was like "Oh, I didn't know that you didn't inhale pipes or cigars." Like it was no big deal. That was fun.

Right now there is a barn dance with enough country music to make me vomit, hence I am hiding in my room. Tomorrow is Sunday, so I'm hoping it will be slower.

I am dying of protein deficiency.

Oh, and I got a 50 minute Swedish massage yesterday for $35 and it was amazing! Let me tell you, sleeping without back pain for the first time in months is truly a treat.

Best of all, I got to talk to Landon today, and that seriously made my day. Life is good now. Peace out yo.

Emphasis on "Socially"

So I smoked one of my mini cigars last night. Alone. It was lonely.

I don't know if I can take this stress.

My heart hurts.

Mustard Update (with a juicy veggie dog)

Ok so I heard yesterday that Danny, the worker from Mexico that taught himself English in a year, left for good. I was really upset, but I was glad he was on to bigger and better things. But I saw him today. I asked him if he left and he said he did, but they (management) called him and asked him to come back. So he told them all the things he didn't like and they told him they would fix it. I asked him if that meant him and the other Mexican workers didn't have to pay for meals anymore and he said no! I was so excited! They don't have to take any of our management bullshit anymore because Danny finally took a stand! That was totally the highlight of my day. That and joking with Ross over facebook chat about mormons thinking I'm the devil because I smoke mini cigars socially from time to time. Good times. Ok, gotta go practice my 9-ball skills. Peace.

Difficulties

I don't know how long I can do this. Working full time is hard. The longest I've ever worked full time was for a sign making company for three weeks. This job is really stressful. We don't get any breaks. Except for the occasional 10-15 minutes for lunch or dinner and that's not every day. There's a lot of responsibility. Not having breaks for 8 hours straight is really hard, even though when it's slow I can get on Facebook or e-mail sporadically.

I really, really miss Landon. That's for sure the hardest part.

Technically, this place is required by law to give us breaks, but we don't get them. They also don't pay overtime. Technically at the front desk we have it pretty easy. The kids camp workers work at least 8 and a half hours every day and the wranglers work even more. At least we get paid for the hours we work at the front desk, we just don't get paid 150% like we should.

People have been dropping like flies since I've gotten here. At least 3 people have left in the past week. And if you want to leave, the management doesn't care. They have a huge stack of applicants and they basically tell you you're a dime a dozen and that if you leave they can replace you within 2 days. And they do. We just got a new girl in housekeeping yesterday.

The Mexican workers have to pay for their meals too. We get free room and board, but apparently they don't. They get paid $240 a week, and they get $120 taken out for food. But the problem is they can't complain because most of them are here illegally anyway. Danny, one of the workers from southern Mexico who taught himself English in a year left today. He was nice and really smart. I'm sad he's gone, but I know he's for sure in a better situation now.

It's hard for me because I really like Zion National Park itself and I LOVE the people here. But right now I don't like my job. It's just really stressful. The thing is, I have a spot in a house in SLC starting July 1st. And Jamba Juice told me they would be happy to have me back. If I was working full time, I could probably afford to pay for my rent and groceries. But if I don't fulfill my contract, I won't get the $40 per week bonus. The way our pay works is apparently we get $240 a week, but during the summer, we only get $200 a week, and then we get the $40 per week at the end of the summer if we fulfill our contract. I haven't gotten a paycheck yet, so I don't know if that's exactly true. My contract goes until August 19th. I just don't know if I can make it that long, but I don't know if I can afford not to.

I'm extremely tired.

I really miss Landon.

:(

Catchup Update (with some fries on the side)

My goodness gracious, so much has happened lately! Ok, lets start with Thursday, my last day off until next Thursday.

So I was kind of moping around trying to figure out what to do because I couldn't figure out who else had the day off and I couldn't find anyone with a car. I really wanted to go hiking and it's almost impossible to hike anywhere around here with out either someone to pick you up or drop you off. Finally Natalie told me she would go with me. So we set out an hour later than planned (around 3:30), towards observation point. About a half-mile into our hike, a bunch of our co-workers pulled up next to us on ATVs and asked if we wanted a ride to the park boundary. Naturally we accepted. What ensued was an all too terrifying, but slightly fun experience. I got on the back of one of the girls' ATVs and Natalie got on with the guy in front. I was so scared! The road gets really bumpy and I totally thought we were gonna crash,but I picked a good driver. I did, however, have tears streaming down my cheeks. Not because I was scared or sad, but because there was so much wind and dust hitting my eyes! The got us to the park way faster than we would have though. They probably cut off the hour that we lost by leaving late, plus that section really isn't very pretty and hence not much fun to hike, so it really worked perfectly.

Observation point is only 2.5 miles from the park boundary, but it feels like a lot longer since you're at 6500 ft elevation. I always feel like some secret explorer going in that specific entrance, because it's just a gate through a barbed wire fence. No ranger, no ranger station, just a really outdated sign that warns against mountain lions or something. I don't really know. So we were finally getting on the home stretch of Observation Point, and all the while, we were having some really good conversation and getting to know each other. Then we finally got out there and Natalie was pretty impressed. It was her fist time seeing it and she was kind of speechless. We had a nice little picnic dinner with a complete stranger from Colorado. I shared my orange with him, and he gave us rasinets. Good stuff. I think the best part of my entire day was when Landon called me. We had a nice little chat, though he was a little stressed, but we got to chat and catch up a little and that was nice. Then we started the descent.

Ok so I didn't explain our plan beforehand. We had decided that we were going to hike to Observation Point from the resort and then hike down the Observation Point trail into the canyon, ride the shuttle to the Lodge, call the resort from there to arrange a ride, get back on the shuttle and then ride to Canyon Junction, and then get picked up. So we started going down. And kept going. And going. And going. It was such a long hike! But it had amazing views the whole time. I wish I took more pictures, but I didn't. Maybe next time. The whole trail was downhill, which got to be really hard on my knees, but it was totally worth the view and our surroundings. We were really close to some big horned sheep too! That part was really cool. We didn't see them, but we could hear one of them. I don't know how many or how close, but that was super cool! By the time we got down and were on flat ground again, it felt weird. We had been going down hill for about 4 miles, so it was a nice change. Everything else went seamlessly. We called, they picked us up about 2 minutes after we got to our meeting spot, and we went on our way back. We were able to grab the last remnants of dinner before it all got cleaned up too, which was great because I was starving! After hiking 6 or 7 miles, I figured I was rightfully hungry.

After dinner, we went hot tubbing. The water was so hot though, so we got in the pool to do some kicks, and then we went down the water slide a bunch which was so fun! Scary but fun. By this time it was completely dark outside. There were a bunch of people from some singles ward in Nevada there, and there were guys doing flips off the wall, which isn't really safe, but was kinda cool. Then we decided to be really adventurous and get in the un-heated pool. That was an experience. We decided we just had to go down the water slide to get in that one because it was so cold. I almost screamed. It was freezing. So then we got back in the other one.

We seriously spent so much time treading water and doing kicks (by doing kicks, I mean holding on to a bar and kicking like you're swimming. I do it because it helps my back) it was like another whole workout! All in all, it was a perfect end to a perfect day.

The Adventures of Lewis and Clark

Today was friggin awesome! It was my day off, so that automatically makes it nice. Me and my coworker Sharon did Hidden Canyon again, and this time we went a lot faster, so we got to go farther. We were super excited to go exploring and I told her that I was Lewis and she was Clark. I then had to explain to her who Lewis and Clark were (she's from Ecuador). She thought that was pretty cool, so we called each other Lewis and Clark for the rest of the hike. We went farther up the canyon, and we explored a couple small slot canyons along the side. They were so narrow we had to take our backpacks off some of the time. I kept having flashbacks to the story of the guy who had to cut his own arm off (long story, it was all over the news a couple years ago), but I decided we were not hiking out in the middle of nowhere alone, so we wouldn't have to cut any limbs off with boy scout knives.

We found the rumored arch and I must admit I was a little disappointed. I guess I was expecting something big and red like in Arches, but this was only about 10 feet tall and grayish. That's ok though. It was free-standing and still pretty cool. We went about as far as we could, but we finally got to an area where we would have had a hell of a time trying to climb down the boulders on the way back, so we turned around. On the way back we met this old couple who were super knowledgeable about pretty much anything that had to do with hiking. We sat and talked to them for awhile and learned a lot. That's the kind of old person I wanna be--hiking ten miles a day every summer and skiing in the winter. None of that retirement home crap for me:)

Since it was my day off, I got to lay around and not do much, which is always nice. I took like and hour and a half nap, which was great. Took a shower and actually styled my hair nicely, and laid out by the pool, which was super relaxing. I thought I would be bored without something to do, but I was only there for about a half hour and it was perfect. I took a couple dips in the non-heated pool to cool of and did that sure cool me off!

I also got a couple looks at the baby squirrels (another story) which are SO CUTE! Ok, I know you really shouldn't adopt wildlife, but these little fluffballs are really cute! One of the girls who adopted them said they're getting better (they were sick and dying when she adopted them and she's been nursing them back to health) and they're going to let them go free soon. But they've been drinking warm milk out of a bottle she's been giving them, so I don't know if they'll figure out how to find their own food or just die like they were originally. Obviously these girls shouldn't have intervened with nature's process, but I'm hoping for the best possible outcome.

As for me, I'm pretty excited because it looks like Nathan is visiting Friday night, and there is also a dance party then! YAY! I seriously LOVE dancing! Like a lot. So I'm pretty excited about that. Nathan will be vastly out numbered on the guy/girl ratio and may have them flocking to him since they've been feeling a little deprived of male contact lately. Poor guy. I should warn him about that.

Oh. And we have a mouse running around the gift shop. Hopefully it doesn't get into the kitchen.

That's about it for today. It was a great day off. Tomorrow I don't work till 2:30, so Marci and I are getting breakfast together, then working out, and then laying out by the pool as our reward.

More to come...

A New Day, A New Light

So today was pretty cool. Me and one of my coworkers went on a hike called Hidden Canyon. She had to work at 2:30, so we had to go kind of early. It was really chilly for about the first half of the hike because we were mostly in the shade, but we were moving fast so we warmed up pretty quick. The hike ends at the mouth of a canyon. You can hike up the canyon if you want, but it isn't maintained so some of it is pretty difficult. We decided to keep going. Apparently there's an arch you can hike to somewhere.

Let me just stop here and say that this hike had amazing viewpoints throughout. Some of the time we were literally hiking along a cliff. I took lots of pictures. See my Facebook page. It was pretty sweet.

So we got to the mouth of the canyon, looked at the time and decided, hey, why not? We started hiking up. This trail had been pretty fun anyway because it was less populated than some of the other ones like Weeping Rock (which it begins with), Emerald Pools, and Riverside Walk. This part was really cool though because we had real obstacles to try to master: large rocks, trees damming up way. It was really cool. I felt like an explorer since there weren't many other people around, climing up all these rocks, finding routes around trees, it was super fun. Eventually, we decided for the sake of time we would turn around to make sure we made it back in time. And promptly got pulled over for having a break light out (my coworker's car). The officer just gave her a warning, but wrote her a ticket for driving without a license with her. This was still in the park. Seriously, who goes hiking with their driver's license? I thought that was pretty dumb. Then again, I had mine because sometimes they ask for our ID at the entrance. We get in for free because we're employees but some of the asshat workers ask us for ID to prove we are the person on the list. But now I'm rambling.

So we never made it to the rumored arch, but it was still a really cool hike, with some potentially awesome bouldering opportunities, which is why I'm for sure taking Landon on it when he visits :) and anyone else who makes it down here that wants to see some pretty sweet stuff.

After that I took an almost 2 hour nap, which felt AMAZING! Then I listened to music in the shower and put makeup on and did my hair, which I love doing, kinda sad, but that's the girly part of me. Tonight there's a rodeo and barn dance (i.e. country music and line dancing). The rodeo should be fun. The barn dance should be interesting considering I'd rather pencil out my eyeballs than listen to that garbage (I obviously don't have any sort of opinion about that subject:). The rest of the night should be interesting.

Tomorrow should be quiet as everybody except me will be at church.

Non Reality Examen d'Realite Numero Trois

Ok after doing some dancing I feel a little better. Always helps. But pretty much everything I said still stands true, unfortunately. Or fortunately. Depending on your perspective.

Reality Check Numero Dos

DISCLAIMER: THIS POST IS UGLY. IF YOU LIKE RAINBOWS, FLOWERS, HAPPY ENDINGS AND SMALL PAPER PACKAGES TIED UP WITH STRING DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT READ THIS POST. IF YOU DISLIKE SAD STORIES, BAD LANGUAGE AND ANGER, DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT READ THIS POST. SKIP IT AND READ THE NEXT DAY'S. IT IS SURE TO BE HAPPIER. Dude. I'm not kidding.

I have nothing to say.

I feel this need to put my feelings into words but they’re not coming in the eloquent fashion I can usually expect. I can’t do it in a beautiful story in a parallel universe that nobody needs to know really pertains to me. I’m just tired. I just need a nap. It’s nothing. Repress it. Put it away. Lock it up. With all the other unacceptable feelings like lust, guilt, and the lack thereof.

I hate God and the Bible and Christianity and everything that pertains to it. I don’t know how to be real. I don’t know how to be me. I feel like I’ve lived my entire life in this little cookie cutter and now someone has taken it away (maybe me?) and I am clinging for dear life to the things that aren’t really me. I have acted like a Christian for so long that I don’t know how to be me now. And no offense but being surrounded by a bunch of mormons doesn’t really help. I keep mentioning all the Christian activities I do because I subconsciously feel like I need to keep up or something. I got a facebook message today from a couple friends that kept saying things about God and I was so mad I just closed it without replying. Drinking is against the rules (rules—another thing I hate) but if I could right now, I’d have a beer and some cigarettes. I need some of that medication: Fukitol.

Fuck it all.

I’m so sick of all this religious bullshit and I have no idea how to get it all out of my system. I need to detox on God and I don’t know how. I was going to use this summer to figure out how to be me, but it’s not working so far. I hate trying to live up to other people’s standards. It’s totally subconscious too. It’s not like I think to myself, “Hmm. This girl is LDS and talking about how she’s praying to Heavenly Father to give her direction. I should talk about my perfect Christian record and all the good things I do and how I pray all the time too and how I ask God for direction too and, and, and…” Lies. All lies.

Fuck this religious bullshit.

Apathetic. A pathetic way to be.

I don’t know who I am.




Well I feel a little bit better getting that off my chest.

Reality Check

Today work was a little bit traumatic. It got super chaotic. Our manager always wants everything to be perfect and on top of that the owners of the entire resort are coming today so everything has to be more perfect than normal. No problem right? Wrong. Everything kept going wrong, and during the morning shift half the things left my co-worker and me at a loss. Luckily, I didn't have to take much buck since I know the least and have been here for the shortest. I just feel like the way they train us works like this: tell them everything and then hope they retain it all. The End. And I was way over on my cash drawer drop because one of the other ladies had made a couple changes and forgotten to tell me. I ended up leaving a little over an hour late. Today I worked from 7:15 am to 4:15 pm. At least I get a paid lunch. I asked my co-worker if we needed to clock out for lunch and she said since we don't ever get breaks we shouldn't need to. So that's pretty cool. As much as I like this job, it's also really stressful. Yesterday after work I tried to take a nap and for the first few minutes when I closed my eyes, all I could see was the "room tape" or the screen we use to make reservations. I decided that wasn't good.

Don't get me wrong. I really like working front desk. I like answering phones, making reservations, checking people in, checking people out and all that. It was just so chaotic today that I felt like a chicken running around with its head cut off.

Tonight we're watching a movie outside on a big projector with popcorn and the works, so that should be really fun. I think the best/funniest part of my day consisted of a phone call that went something like this:

Me: "Zion Ponderosa, this is Shawn"
Caller: "Well that's a pretty lady"
Me (thinking this is some major kind of creeper who is hoping to get a discount on his reservation because he flirted with the girl on the other end): "Sorry?"
Caller: "Well that's a pretty lady"
Me: "Umm..?"
Caller: "Hey it's me!" (Landon)
Me: "...OH! Hi!"

He ended up making the reservation I told him he needed to get on for 4th of july weekend. We had a nice little chat. He luckily called during one of the shurt lulls, so we had a few minutes to chat.

Tomorrow's my day off, so that will be really really nice. Hopefully me and Marci will get to go on a hike together. That's all for now.

Entrez Vous!

Well here it is! Finally my long-promised blog! Here's the basic update on what I have here and why:

-Future Love Paradise is a really cool song by Seal that talks about love and peace and freedom. That song kind of sums up the essence of me. However, futureloveparadise was taken, so I had to go with futureloveparadises.

-If you want to find out why I'm the lovely other dinosaur, you have to read "A Lovely Love Story" by Edward Monkton. It's a love story about dinosaurs and it is almost exactly me and Landon's story.

-I'm not entirely sure why I chose Sunkissed Raindrops as my title. It's kind of a way to define my life. Quite often I feel like my life is a huge storm with all its ups and downs. Sometimes it feels more like a hurricane. Living in Oregon made me appreciate the sun. Living in Utah made me appreciate the rain. Funny how that works. Anyway, sometimes the sun seems brightest right after the clouds have passed. The sky above is blue, yet the remaining raindrops are still softly falling. They glow beautifully in the newfound sunlight. I'd like to think that I can be some sort of sunkissed raindrop in this storm we call life.

-I originally created this thing to keep up with a lot of the people I won't see or be able to talk on the phone with or get coffee with, but I think it's going to be a writer's blog for me as well. Hopefully a nice mix between the two.

Current situation:

Right now, I am working at a resort called Zion Ponderosa Ranch Resort. I get free room and board along with a paycheck. Nice setup, I know. I work at the front desk and mostly help people make reservations, check in, and check out. It's been pretty overwhelming at first trying to learn a new computer system for the reservations and memorizing all the information about the resort as well as memorizing the processes for making reservations. I really enjoy it so far though, and my co-workers are all great.

There are about 30-40 other girls working here and probably about 10 guys. Pretty sure I'm the only non-LDS person here, until the twins arrive. But for the most part I get along with everyone and there are a few people that I really like hanging out with.

This place is beautiful. I wish all of my friends could come visit me and see how amazing it is, but I know that's not really possible in reality.

More to come!