My Heart

So ever since the big earthquake, I've had an increasing passion for Haiti. I guess it actually started when I took this class called "The Black Atlantic." It was all about the history of slavery and it's influence on culture from an anthropological perspective. Anyway, everybody in the class randomly chose a country or region of focus throughout the semester. You and your group would essentially become an expert on that region or country. I chose Haiti, mostly because I was impressed that it was the most lucrative French colony and produced the majority of the world's coffee and sugar and then hosted the 1st and only successful slave rebellion and then became one of the poorest countries in the world. I was intrigued by such a shocking disparity. Anyway, I learned a lot about not only Haiti's history, but some of the lasting effects of slave culture and transplantation of cultures. I ended up writing my term paper on Haitian creole, its origins, evolution, etc.

Then the earthquake happened. My heart broke for the fact that such an impoverished country would be subjected to even more violence and loss, but I also saw a little glimmer of hope in the whole situation. Finally, one of the poorest countries in the world would receive some much needed attention. Also, Haiti has some strange race/class separation. There are very few white people there, but the lighter skinned "mulattoes" became the upper class shortly after the revolution (over 200 yrs ago) and the rest of the society became like peasants. As time passed, the upper 5-10% of the population lived a priveliged life in air-conditioned mansions with swimming pools, sending their children to boarding school in other Francophone countries to learn "proper french," while the rest of the population tried to scrape by in complete poverty. They do not speak french, for the most part. But everybody speaks Haitian creole. With such a shattering natural disaster, I thought maybe the country would become more united and move past antiquated arbitrary class division. I don't know if that has been successful yet.

Haitian creole is an extremely interesting language to me. It is the most widely spoken creole in the world and has influence from over 11 languages, but mostly french. It also has some english influence since the US has tried to help Haiti various times throughout the past 200 years. It's also the 4th most commonly spoken non-english language in new york city.

Anyway, Haiti has just been on my mind and my heart lately, and for some reason, that passion was pretty intense to the point that I had trouble thinking about anything else today. I don't know why.

All I know is that my heart is breaking for this country. The problems there are so complex and I'm only one person. I wish I knew how I could help.

An Alternate Ending

I don't want to preach at anyone, so I'm not going to.

Today some missionaries stopped me when I was walking home from the Trax stop after work. They were very polite and introduced themselves and then asked me if I was a student at the U (yes), if I went to church (yes, it's called The Mount and it's on 3900 South), if I knew anything about missionaries and the LDS church (yes, I actually have a few friends that are returned missionaries and we've had some lengthy discussions, and I know quite a bit at this point). Then they asked me if I wanted to have some missionaries come to my house to talk some more or if I knew anyone who "needed help" and would benefit from them and their teaching. I replied with something to the effect of, "No, not really. I really don't agree with a lot of what you believe in, and so I probably wouldn't send my friends to you." Upon reflection, that seems rather harsh. I didn't mean it to be, I just wanted them to know that I was in no way interested in being part of the LDS Church. Then they asked if there was anything they could do for me (no, thanks for asking), and then went on their way (have a good night!).

This isn't the first conversation I've had with missionaries and I'm sure it won't be the last. Part of the reason I kept it short was because it was cold outside, and part of me just didn't want to get into the whole ordeal of arguments and frustration and awkward fake politeness that occurs in this kind of situation. However, here's what I wish could have happened.

I wish I could have spoken to those boys (yes, they are boys, probably no older than 19-21) with God's love in my voice. I wish I would have invited them inside (even though that's generally not allowed) for hot cocoa and edamame. That we could have sat around my table enjoying the warmth and comfort of good food, drink, and company, and just for a moment, we could share life together.

I'll admit that I wouldn't want religion to feed very much into this conversation. I'd rather just talk about me and ask them questions about themselves. And honestly, if you're a follower of Jesus, that's going to show up in your character. You don't need a nametag to let people know, though some choose to do that, and that's fine for them. I wish we could have talked and I could have asked them about their lives and their histories and how that affected their beliefs. I wish I could have treated them like real people instead of an obstacle in my way.

Eventually, we would get to the topic of religion, and inevitably, I would tell them that I'm angry at the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, their church, for a number of reasons. I wouldn't go into great detail, because they've heard it all before. But I would tell them that many friends of mine have been burned by the Mormon Church. I, personally, have been burned by the Mormon Church. The way that it dominates and dictates the way the culture operates in an entire state is horrendous, but I know it's not their fault. I would add that I have certain problems with the authenticity of Joseph Smith's claims and the validity of the Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants, Pearl of Great Price, etc, but that those issues were extremely time-consuming and now was not the time.

I would ask them about how their mission was going, how long they had been serving, how long they'd been companions, things like that. I would ask them if they were tired. Not sleepy, not exhausted, not bored, but heart and soul tired. I would tell them that I know the feeling of being soul tired. I know it well. I would tell them that even though it wasn't for as long, I served a similar mission at Lake Tahoe called Summer Project through Campus Crusade. That I understand all the work, courage, and disappointment involved in sharing the gospel (I don't agree with the entirety of the gospel they share, but each of us has our own idea of what our gospel is).

I would tell them that I am saddened by people in Utah who think that the Mormon Church is all their is (this isn't to say that this is the commonly shared view point in Utah, it is just one of the many). I would tell them that I wish Utahns, and for that matter, anyone who has grown up in the Mormon Church or any conservative church, that I wish they could see Jesus without religion. Christianity with no strings attached. They might give me puzzled looks or knowing looks, I don't know, but either way, I know the subject would soon arise of what I believe. And this is what I would tell them:

Love God.

Love others.

I would add that if you believe that Jesus died on the cross for you, "if you confess with your mouth and believe in your heart," then you're saved. And that's all. Of course that's not all, and yet it is. If you seek first the kingdom of God, then all else will enter, and things will fall into place. I would go on to explain something really important that Donald Miller taught me through his beautifully written novel "Blue Like Jazz." Not only do you need to love God and love others, but you need to learn to accept God's love and others' love.

Everybody has one of those friends who, when you say "you look really nice today," they come back with, "yeah right," or "whatever, I look terrible," or "shut up." Or when you try to buy them lunch or give them something they say "no, I'll feel bad!" Just take the damn compliment, or present or lunch or whatever it is I'm trying to give you! I'm not trying to "heap burning coals on your head." I'm trying to love you! Just let me! Or at least, that's what I wish I've said a million times. Anyway, I would tell these missionaries, that in the same way, if we can't let ourselves be loved by God, we can never truly open ourselves up to him and everything he has to offer us, and we can never love with his kind of love. Likewise, if we cannot let ourselves accept love from others, we put up a wall in our relationship and inhibit our ability to break bread together and share life.

At this point, I would look these missionaries in the eye and say something to the effect of this: "I truly hope that you two can experience Jesus without religion, whether it's through hiking in the wilderness enjoying nature, reading your scriptures and having a profound sense of knowing God, helping someone be able to eat in a soup kitchen, or just enjoying the scent the rain leaves behind. I hope your are happy. If what you believe right now satisfies the craving in your heart, how wonderful! If so, I am happy for you. However, if you're not satisfied, I encourage you to keep looking, because I promise you, if you look long enough, you will find what you are looking for. God loves you a great deal and wants you to find him your own way, whatever that may be."

At this point, I imagine the hot cocoa would have grown cold or be gone, and we would be finishing up the last few shells of edamame. The missionaries would look at each other, adjust their jackets, and get ready to leave. I would shake hands with each of them again, and look into their eyes and sincerely thank them for coming over to talk. As we said goodbye, I would wish them a good evening, and tell them to come back anytime they wanted, knowing I would probably never see them again. However, I would be satisfied with the sense that I left nothing unsaid.

That's how I wish the conversation went. But it didn't. There's always next time.

I guess that ended up being a little more preachy than I meant, but it is what it is.

Peace.

Miss Mckewn’s 1st Day Schpeel

Good afternoon class and welcome back! I'm sure you're all just as excited as I am to be back in school! Anyone? Anyone? No? Figures. Well hello Weston! So nice that you could find time in your busy schedule for us. Class, I know this is right after lunch and the last class of the day, but please be on time. If you come in late, you better have brought pizza for the whole class our you're getting marked down. I'm serious. Whole wheat crust. Black olives, spinach, and tomato. And some pesto on the side wouldn't hurt. Sarah, are you taking notes on my pizza preferences? Never mind.

Alright. I know you've been listening to introductory stuff and rules and things all day, so I'm going to try to do as little of that as possible and just cut to the chase. This is Honors Creative Inquiry and Analysis. What that means is it's a hybrid class. We'll be taking a look at some classic literature and analyzing it, but we will also doing some creative work.

How many of you like to write. Five? Seriously? Well the rest of you better change your minds because I'm serious about writing. Young people don't write enough these days and the job market is suffering because nobody knows how to write. So here's what we're going to do. You are all going to purchase a separate notebook. It's going to be your writing notebook. You can use it for other things if you want, but you need to be writing. Every day, at the beginning of class, everyone is going to write for 15 minutes. Sometimes I'll put a prompt up on the board and sometimes I'll just let you do free writing. On those days, you can write about whatever you want. You should think of this as your journal. You will be turning it in periodically so I know you're doing something and not just doodling all the time. But I want to give you privacy, so if there are certain pages that are personal or private, you can put a paperclip on them and I promise I won't read them.

Stop looking so sad! This is good! You're all going to be amazing writers by the end of the year!

Ok moving on. We're going to be reading quite a few classic pieces of literature this year, but for the first semester, our main focus will be on Romeo and Juliet. We're going to be put into groups and work on a project together. Now in the past, this project was always done in groups of four, but this year, I want to shake things up a bit, so we're going to do groups of all different sizes. Because the groups will be different sizes, there will be different workloads, so I'm not going to give you the entire assignment now. I'll just let you know who is in each group.

Group 1	Group 2	Group 3	Group 4	Group 5	Group 6	Group 7	Group 8	Group 9
Elise	Amanda Alex Rosalyn	Jason Kristin	Matt Sebastian Christina Angel Brianna Rob Gracie Julian	Weston Sarah	Lauren Alexis	Josh Sam Elizabeth Maddy	Hannah Maile Daniel David Zack	David Andrew Peter

 

Alright. So it is YOUR responsibility to get with your group and exchange contact information. I'll give you opportunities throughout the semester to work in-class, but this project will require a lot of out of class work as well. Later on this week I'll give each group more specific guidelines.

Ok. We're going to head over to the library so you can all pick out a copy of Romeo and Juliet and our Anthology of Contemporary Short Fiction and Poetry. Make sure you have your ID cards.

When you get back, turn to page 54 in your anthology and start reading the first Billy Collins poem. I'll write the name and page number on the board. We'll use the remaining class time to discuss that poem.

Sara’s Diary, First Day of School

Dear Diary,

OH MY GOSH. I HATE MY LIFE.

Ok, let me back up. Today was the first day of school. I'm not the biggest fan on homework, but I'm really sick of scooping ice cream, so I was kind of excited. Classes weren't too bad. AP bio is gonna suck at 7:30. But I'll manage. And at least I have Warren for that class, and he's supposed to be really good. AP European History will be a snore, but whateve. French 3 is good. Vive La France! Just kidding. Madame Bazarely is crazy. Which is why we call her Mad Baz. It works. You know how you're supposed to not pronounce half the letters in French? Mad Baz. Yeah.

So the REAL kicker is Honors English. Miss Mckewn is my teacher again which is fine. I liked having her last year. She's kinda funny and almost like one of our friends, but a better dressed, more responsible version of our friends that we have to be nice to because our grade depends on it. Anyway, she said that not enough young people write, so we all need to buy a separate "writing" notebook and for the first 15 minutes of each class we're just going to write. Or journal. Or whatever. She said sometimes she'll give us a prompt, and sometimes she won't. The goal is just to get us writing. And we can also use it outside of school. So this is my first entry in my new notebook. We're supposed to turn them in periodically to show that we're actually doing work and not just doodling. And she said if we have pages we REALLY don't want her to read, we can put paper clip on them and she promised she won't read that page. I imagined a giant paperclip that would envelop the entire notebook. I don't like the idea that somebody will be reading everything I write, Miss Mckewn. But if I had to choose a teacher to know what's going on in my life, I guess it would be her. At least she remembers what it was like to be a teenager. And it wasn't the dark ages back then.

So here's the crappy part. I was sitting in class, early as always because I like to get the best seat which is in the exact middle of the room. I was leafing through my schedule and all the useless first day of school busywork they give you, and then Jason walked in and sat in front of me. After he put his stuff down he turned around and started talking to me. We're not best friends, but he's automatically not a complete idiot because he's on the soccer team. Both teams start practice about a week before school starts, so we'd gotten a chance to chat a little. We were talking about what classes we had and stuff when Miss McKewn walked up to the front of the room and got ready to start. And then who walks in but Weston, fashionably late as always, sipping on some frappawhippamochachino thing with way too much whipped cream. UGH! I HATE HIM! I almost considered switching schools because of him. And I hoped that I would never have another class with him. And where does he decide to sit, but RIGHT NEXT TO ME! I could smell his Old Spice and it was sickening. He sat down next to me and did the whole "hey" with the nod thing to Jason and then me, like I didn't want to kill him. Like it was no big deal that we were sitting next to each other. Apparently he didn't get the memo that I hate his freaking guts. I mean, there were like 5 other seats. He REALLY had to sit RIGHT next to me? I tried to stare daggers at him but apparently he took that as flirting and winked at me. How creepy is that?!

Ok but that's not the worst part. So in English, we're gonna be doing this semester-long project and she "randomly" put us into groups. Guess who I'm with. I'll give you one guess. Yeah. The douchebag.

Well Diary, I have to go and recontemplate the meaning of my life and figure out why God hates me this much. So that's all for now. Goodnight.

 

An Ecocritique of “Fireflies” by Owl City

Introduction

The band known as Owl City consists primarily of one person, Adam Young, and his laptop. The music could be described as electonica, techno, pop, or synthpop. Young started writing music in the basement of his parents' Minnesota home as a remedy to his insomnia. He started many different music projects, but when "Fireflies" became the itunes free song of the week in the summer of 2009, his music caught on and he was propelled into stardom. Although he sometimes has additional accompaniment at live shows, Young's music is primarily synthesized through electronic equipment, perfected, and then combined into a finished product, like "Fireflies." The music video for the song can be found here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psuRGfAaju4&ob=av2e

or by simply typing "Fireflies" into the search bar on www.youtube.com.

The video brings up many interesting ideas. The storyline is reminiscent of the movie, Toy Story, in the sense that all of the toys come to life. Its namesake, fireflies, only show up in two very short shots, and the only other references to the more-than-human world are referring to the earth turning slowly, counting sheep, the globe sitting on top of the piano, and the breeze blowing the curtains towards the end of the video. For that very reason, this discussion will focus on the lack of nature. The lyrics refer to the narrator's "dreams bursting at the seams," indicating that the world Young has generated within the song is a fantasy world. Through the song, "Fireflies," Adam Young creates a postmodern ecological rhapsody in a world where nature, represented by fireflies, has become obsolete and unecessary.

Ecological Rhapsody

In order to understand ecological rhapsody, it is important to understand the definition of the word rhapsody, which is a performative epic poem of sorts, which is sometimes musical, and often highly emotional. One of the most prominent historical literary examples of rhapsody is the Iliad. Therefore, ecological rhapsody is a piece of literature that creates an experience for the reader that attempts to bring the experience of nature, or in this case, lack of nature directly to the reader.

Ecological rhapsody is a type of ecomimesis that as Timothy Morton says, is "reading the book of nature." It highlights details and brings to light those things which normally only exist in the background. It observes the tone of the environment. The role of ecomimesis itself is to convey the atmosphere through ambient poetics.

Breaking the Binaries

One of the biggest goals of ecomimesis, through ecological rhapsody is to undo traditional binaries of traditional nature writing (or reading, or music, etc.) such as:

Human-nonhuman

Culture-nature

Mind-body

Inside-outside

Civilized-primitive

Young breaks up many of these binaries during the music video. Obviously the human vs. nonhuman binary falls apart, seeing as he is the only human in the room, yet all the machines come to life. His fantasy world gets taken over by non-human, yet living objects.

All of the toys in young's room are products of culture. He purchased them all at a store, probably in the 1980s and they were in style at some point. However, the toys exist in their own harmonious ecosystem behind his back, while he sings and plays piano, seemingly unaware or unmoved by their presence.

Before even listening to the music video, just knowing that most of Adam Young's songs began as a result of insomnia brings about the assumption that the mind will be on overdrive, coming up with a fantasy world. If the whole music video is supposed to be a fantasy or dream in Young's head, he exists within it, yet it is contained within his mind. The mind cannot be in binary opposition to the body if it is both within and containing the body.

The only indication of an outside world is at the end of the song, when a breeze blows the curtains from the window. That breeze signifies the end of a dream or fantasy, and the return to the real world. But during the entire song, there is no outside world, therefore, no opposition between the inside and outside worlds. The only thing that exists is the singer in the room with the toys. The entire world is contained in this room, and the room is all that is necessary.

The civilized vs. primitive binary is more difficult because normally ecomimesis urges a return to nature and a simpler or more primitive way of life. However, Young is substituting the loss of nature with electronics. But, by today's technological standards, most of the toys in his room, circa 1980-1990 are in effect, primitive. Also, the so-called primitive or natural world is completely nonexistent in the video, which brings about the idea of a post-modern world where the more-than-human world is simply a concept that cannot be directly experienced. In this sort of world, the best way to experience the pastoral would be through electronics (video games, movies, digital photographs, etc.).

Movement to a Post-Nature or Postmodern World

    A rough translation of ecomimesis is simply "nature writing." Not only is it nature writing, but it is a rhetoric employed to generate a fantasy of nature and the atmosphere. It is easy enough to look at "Fireflies" as a fantasy, with all of the references to the dream world. However, using the concept of fireflies as a symbol for all nature sheds further light on the message of the song. In short, it describes the narrator's enjoyment of the fireflies, and his sadness when they leave. However, he keeps a few of them (though they will eventually die). Observe the following lyrics found from 2:15-2:34:

"to ten million fireflies/I'm weird cause I hate goodbyes/I got misty eyes as they said farewell/But I know where several are/if my dreams get real bizarre/cause I kept a few and I put them in a jar."

This passage is the most crucial turning point of the song. "I got misty eyes as they said farewell" illustrates the loss of the fireflies, which represents the gradual loss of the natural world, and perhaps the sadness that comes with the knowledge of that loss, or even the direct experience of observing that loss. Then the line "cause I kept a few and I put them in a jar" gives a perfect image of putting the natural world in a jar: remembering and celebrating it through digital photographs, movies, and video games. These lyrics together give the audience an image of a world that substitutes electronics for the sublime.

Conclusion

If Young is foreshadowing such a world, beyond nature, replaced by electronics, he puts it in a positive light. The song is lighthearted, upbeat, even inspiring at certain points. It is either a happy place, or an enjoyable reminisce to the time when fireflies danced around him. One of the goals of ecomimesis is to make the audience stop reading, or watching in this case, and get out and experience nature. This music video urges the audience to do the same thing. Figuratively, it calls the audience to enjoy the fireflies before they leave, but on a deeper level, the audience is called to go out and experience and enjoy the more-than-human world before we have destroyed it or no longer respect its value and needs. Or perhaps the audience is fully prepared to embrace electronics as all it needs to feel fulfilled. This song was extremely popular and made Owl City famous. It makes one wonder, are people ready for a world free of nature, or did they see the beauty of looking back on that world and take this song as a warning? Hopefully we can enjoy fireflies for many years to come.

Starbucks Scene

So this is a continuation of the Sarah/Weston Story. This is the first time they get together to work on the Romeo and Juliet project that they have to work on together. They did not choose to be partners. The teacher "randomly" grouped people, and they ended up together. I'm thinking about having the idea of "star-crossed lovers" as a running thread throughout the novel, but I feel like I don't know enough about Romeo and Juliet to do that successfully. This particular piece is written like a script. And on that note, it's purposely faded out at the end, like a scene in a play would, while the characters are still talking. If this is your first Sarah/Weston read, here's a quick rundown (which is impossible, so you'll just have to pick up on stuff)

I'm working on writing an experimental adolescent literature novel. Basically, I want to write a story about a boy and girl from opposite ends of the social spectrum falling in love. But I want to completely omit linear narration. Every piece is some sort of text. So far, I have an unapologetic note, a keyed response (keyed on a car), stream of consciousness, a diary entry, instant messaging (or facebook chat), texting, and here I have a script. Enjoy!

 

It's evening, about 7:15 pm. Sarah is already there wearing earbuds, hunched over a textbook and notebook, furiously scribbling notes, obviously engrossed in whatever she's studying. Her back is to the door/entrance. Weston is (fashionably) late, as usual. He quietly walks up behind her.

WESTON: (with his head over her shoulder) Whatcha listening to?

SARAH: (jumps a foot) God! You shouldn't scare people like that. (takes a deep breath, and goes back to writing) You're late.

WESTON: Sorry. I had some stuff to do.

SARAH: (without looking up) Yeah whatever. Let's get started.

WESTON: I'm gonna grab a coffee quick. (picks up her cup, shakes it, it's empty) You want a refill?

SARAH: (curtly) No I'm fine.

WESTON: Are you sure? It's no trouble, I mean your cup's empty and I—

SARAH: (annoyed) I said I'm fine! (Weston takes a step back) Anyway, I don't drink caffeine at night or I can't sleep. (keeps writing)

WESTON: Ok suit yourself. (goes up to the counter and orders from the barista he knows by name. Waits around with a happy-go-lucky cockyair, maybe whistles, then returns to the table with a gigantic sugary drink with so much whipped cream and syrup on top the lid doesn't even fit, possibly a doughnut or a cookie or something else sugary)

SARAH: (looks up for a second) Um, wow.

WESTON: Beautiful, isn't it?

SARAH: I was thinking more along the lines of death by coffee.

WESTON: So basically the best thing you've ever tasted. (takes a gulp)Amazing! Wanna try some?

SARAH: Nooo thank you

WESTON: Whatever you say. Ok (excited, rubs hands together), let's get down to business! Let's pick a scene.

SARAH: I think we should pick a topic first.

WESTON: Don't we need a scene to write on?

SARAH: (slightly exasperated) We're supposed to pick a dramatic element to focus on, then pick the scene we believe best showcases it, co-write a 10 page paper on it, and then act out all or a portion of the scene in front of the class. So it stands to reason that we should figure out what it is we need to look for in a scene first.

WESTON: Ok, but what if we watch a couple of performances of it, see which scene is most effective, and then decide why and write a paper on that and act it out?

SARAH: (fed up) Fine. Whatever. (slams book closed) We'll do it your way.

WESTON: Um, are you ok?

SARAH: Look, I'm sure you just as thrilled to be partners for this project as I am. We're not friends and you don't have to act all buddy-buddy with me just so I'll work hard, ok?

WESTON: (slightly confused) Uh…alright. Are you sure you're ok? I wasn't trying to act all buddy-buddy with you I genuinely wanted—

SARAH: (almost yelling now) We're not friends!!!

WESTON: (matching her volume) Why not?!

SARAH: I think you know very well why not.

WESTON: Well why don't you enlighten me anyway.

SARAH: (looks at him in surprise) You honestly have no idea what's going on here?

WESTON: No! Wanna let me in on the secret?

SARAH: (talks as she gets up to throw her cup away) I can't believe this. You really don't care about anybody but yourself.

WESTON: Hey that's not true.

SARAH: You have no idea how any of your actions affect anyone else.

WESTON: That's not true! If I was such a bad person why do I have so many friends?

SARAH: Does the word quarterback mean anything to you?

WESTON: I can't help that I'm good at football. And if people like that about me, that's their deal.

SARAH: Need I go on? Abercrombie.

WESTON: My mom works there. What's wrong with their clothes anyway?

SARAH: Nothing if you like soft porn. Ok fine, styling wax.

WESTON: So I like to do my hair. What's wrong with that?

SARAH: Old Spice.

WESTON: You know, for hating me, you sure know a lot about me.

SARAH: Oh come on, you people are a dime a dozen.

WESTON: What is so wrong with being popular? At least I have friends. Maybe you're the one with the problem. You're not exactly Miss Social Butterfly

SARAH: I have two good friends. That's all I need. I don't need an entourage to remind me that I'm worth something.

WESTON: Are you trying to imply something? I'll have you know I'm am a very worthwhile person. I have a lot of friends and talents and responsibilities like—

SARAH: When was the last time you helped someone else?

WESTON: (baffled) What?!

SARAH: When was the last time you did something out of the goodness of your heart, just to benefit somebody else with no strings attached, just because it's the right thing to do? (he opens his mouth) With no personal benefits? (he closes his mouth) That's what I thought.

(Pause. Weston sits and thinks for a minute, then gets an idea)

WESTON: You know I once dated a girl…

SARAH: (sarcastically) Oh this is gonna be good.

WESTON: No really, I dated this girl and I didn't really like her that much. But she liked me a lot. And she didn't have that many friends.

SARAH: Please tell me this isn't what I think it is.

WESTON: So we dated for awhile and eventually we broke up, but she got pretty popular through me. And after that she had more friends and was in the popular group and it was pretty nice for her.

SARAH: Well aren't you just Mr. Selfless?

WESTON: (smugly) She told me one day she owed her popularity to me.

SARAH: That is such a pathetic existence. You people honestly think you can just rule the—

WESTON: I don't see you out there changing the world, so before you just go and—

SARAH: I volunteer EVERY WEEK!

WESTON: With what? Criticizers anonymous? You been nothing but angry since I got here. You didn't even give me a chance. You know I don't have to be nice. I could just leave and let you do this whole project on your own. (stands up)

SARAH: How would you feel about failing English?

WESTON: (stops and stares at her )You wouldn't.

SARAH: This project is worth half our grade. Don't underestimate me. I would.

WESTON: (sighs, cautiously sits back down) ok let's get started

(lights begin to fade)

SARAH: Ok so first thing, I want to choose an element.

WESTON: And I wanna see a performance.

SARAH: Ok fine, lets watch a couple movies. This weekend?

WESTON: Sure. My house or yours.

SARAH: Mine is fine. Let's just focus on a couple of things, alright?

WESTON: Fine by me.

SARAH: And can you quit acting like you're so excited to work together? I mean seriously. Even if we were friends, nobody should act like this.

WESTON: Who says we're not friends?

SARAH: I do.

WESTON: Oh.

 

 

NaNoWriMo

So I'm sorry to everyone who enjoys reading this blog. I have NOT been keeping up on it lately. Something about 16 credit hours, 30 hour work weeks, volunteering, and a monkey (ok there's no monkey...YET!) just cuts down on my time to post stuff. But I haven't been completely lazy all this time. I think I'll try to add some of the stuff I've written about Sarah and Weston within the next couple weeks.

Today, I want to discuss NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month. It's coming up in November, and I think I'm going to participate this year. So here's how it works:

-you sign into nanowrimo's website, nanowrimo.org

-from 12:01 am November 1st to 11:59 pm November 30th, you write, write, write!

-the goal isn't quality, but quantity. Basically, you have to submit your written work by midnight, and then they do a word count

-if you reach 50,000 words (and it's not "ninja" 50,000 times), you get added to the list of winners

-there are a few rules, like the fact that it ALL has to be written within that time constraint, but you're free to make outlines and characters sketches and do any necessary research ahead of time, so long as the novel itself gets written in November.

So there you have it. I'm slightly insane for doing this, since the end of November is also when I'm workshopping my Sarah/Weston piece, so I'm planning on taking a week or two off of work to focus more on school and writing. I think there will also be lots of chocolate and coffee involved. Just a hunch.

So if anyone out there has ever considered writing a novel, or just wants to delve into something new, this is a PERFECT opportunity for you! Nanowrimo.org has all sorts of tips and info for writers, so start thinking about that story that's been weaving itself in the recesses of your brain, and liberate it!

Ready, set, WRITE!

The Rest of Paris

So the next morning, we woke up and took the RER (suburb trian/bus) into Paris and figured out the Metro. It was confusing for about 15 minutes and then made perfect sense. The Metro is SO GREAT! Between that and buses, you can really get anywhere in Paris. I really wish car dealerships hadn't bought out so much public transportation back in the day in the US. Pretty much all public transportation in Europe rocks.

So eventually we found a stop close to Louvre. It was SO COOL to be at the Louvre! We spent a few hours there. It felt like we were there forever, but I know we only barely scratched the surface of everything it had to offer. I really just wanted to see the Mona Lisa, and other than that, I was happy to see whatever else Erin wanted to. I know very little about art, so it was fun having Erin there to tell me which paintings were famous and whatnot. And eventually, I did see the Mona Lisa! So awesome! It was actually bigger than I expected. Everybody says it's tiny, but it's not. I mean, it's not gigantic, but well anyway, it was great. So we saw a whole bunch of Italian art, and then we looked at some ancient Egyptian and Middle Eastern stuff and also Napoleon III's apartments. Lots of gold. Very interesting. Honestly I was just excited to be in the Louvre!

So besides the glass pyramid and the inverted pyramid, there is a huge freaking underground mall beneath the Louvre! Who knew? Anyway, one of the first things we saw on our way out was l'Arc de Triomphe du Carrousel. Kind of like a mini Arc de Triomphe. There is a ferris wheel close by, thus the name.

We walked through Jardins des Tuileries to Place de la Concorde/Obelisque, where apparently Louis XIV, Marie Antionette, and a few other famous people were beheaded. Then on down to Champs-Elysees, all the while getting closer to l'Arc de Troimphe. It was SO cool to walk in such a famous place that I had heard so much about! Finally when we got to l'Arc de Triomphe (SO big!), we spend probably a half hour or 45 minutes trying to figure out how to actually get to it. This is probably the biggest roundabout in Paris, with about 3 lanes. Crazy. Eventually, we saw signs for an underground entrance. On our first try, we didn't find it, but we did find an underground bowling alley. Random. Finally, we made it, and after waiting in a really long line to buy a ticket to the top, we got in for free with our student ID! Thank you Institut de Touraine! So there's a whole museum in that thing. Way cool. There are some really cool effects with looking at the street view and whatnot. I bought some sweet souvenirs, and we got some awesome views form Paris up there. Also, we could see the perfect reflection of l'Arche de la Defense (which is a big government office building). It's supposed to be a modern day reflection of l'Arc de Triomphe.

If this all sounds like complete gibberish to you, or you would like a more tangible way to follow that last paragraph, it might help to google image or wikipedia "L'axe historique." It will make much more sense.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Axe_historique

Anyway, then we took the metro to the Eiffel Tower. THE EIFFEL TOWER! I know, I know, I'm such a tourist. Anyway, we got there and my goodness is that thing big. I mean, I knew it was tall, but I guess I just didn't realize how incredibly big and wide and gigantic the foundations would be. We opted to take the stairs instead of the elevator because we felt like that's part of the experience of La Tour Eiffel (plus it was way cheaper).

I have to admit that even though I'm not really afraid of heights, being up THAT high was pretty dizzying. The people became smaller until they were just little tiny specks on the ground. At the deuxieme etage (or i guess third level, if your counting the ground), we had to purchase another ticket for the elevator to the tippy top. Kinda not fair, but at the same time, we figured we couldn't really complain, considering we were in the Eiffel Tower in Paris. We finally made it to the top and it was SO COOL! Like I can't even explain the feeling. I feel like that is an experience that every person should be able to have in their lives. But it gets better.

First off, the inside part is a circle. All over the place, it has signs pointing to major cities in the world (pretty much ever major city), and how many miles in that direction it is. I took a picture next to L.A. I think, and Bern (Switzerland) for Idris :)

Then outside, we could see Paris. We were literally on top of the (manmade) world. It was amazing. We could see Notre Dame, Sacre Coeur, L'axe historique, all of it. And the best part was that the sun was setting. Me and Erin seriously had the best spots on the entire tower to watch the sunset. Also, in a park really far below us, they had the US game (the last world cup game they won before getting eliminated), playing on a huge projector, so let me just say this:

Watching the sunset over l'Arche de la Defense in Paris from the top of the Eiffel Tower in the best spot possible while hearing a crowd chanting USA from below is pretty much the coolest thing ever.

That would be a perfect way to end the day, but it wasn't quite over yet. By the time we got back down, it was dark, and we had just enough time to take some pictures, walk to a grassy spot, and relax before 11. And for those who don't know, every night, the Eiffel Tower is lit, but between 11:00 and 11:05, it sparkles. Ah-mazing! And THAT was a perfect end to a perfect day.

The only sad part about the weekend was that I had to say goodbye to Erin the next morning :( Hopefully we will meet again. And if I'm ever in Virginia or she's ever in Utah, we'll for sure meet up and hang out.

Antonio found me on Facebook, and laid in on real thick (as thick as you can flirt via facebook in a non-native tongue:) and I told him that if he's ever in Salt Lake, he's welcome to stay with us, to which Lauren wholeheartedly agreed, as long as he would speak Italian around her :)

And that, my friends, was my stay in Paris.

A WAY Overdue Paris Review

Ok so I have been busy like crazy, and terrible about keeping up with this. I'll try to cover all my bases.

So the first day Erin and I arrived in Paris we spent about 10 minutes staring at a map just trying to find the street our hotel was on. Their website said it was only 10 minutes from the Louvre and all that good stuff. What the website neglected to say was that those 10 minutes were by Metro. We walked (Erin with her super heavy suitcase, and me with my light one and her other one) for TWO HOURS! It was hot too. But finally we found it and the hotel turned out to be really nice and we got a really good deal on the website where we booked it (about 70% off!). Turns out that this area is kind of like the Chinatown of Paris, except no China. There are a whole bunch of immigrants there. The district is called something like "Ivry Sur Seine" and it wasn't originally part of Paris's city limits. It was annexed in later.

Anyway, we couldn't really find a lot of restaurants close by and didn't feel like trying to go on another adventure, so we just ate at the restaurant at the hotel. Our waiter only spoke French with us, but we couldn't quite figure out his accent. Luckily he spoke French slowly enough that we could understand him for the most part. Dinner was expensive, but good, and I had an amazing glass of white wine.

Afterwards, we chatted more with our waiter, who's name turned out to be Antonio. He told us that he was Italian and didn't speak any English. He also said that everyone that worked at that hotel was Italian. Then he told us there was a party across the street with music and dancing and asked us if we wanted to go. We looked at each other and had NO IDEA. So we told him we'd go upstairs and talk about it and come back down in 10 minutes. We asked him how much longer he worked and he said he was just getting off.

25 minutes later, armed with Erin's knife (this was a knife made for killing, not slicing bread, that her husband gave her before leaving for self-defense), we re-emerged downstairs. At this point it was almost midnight and we were a little tired, but we'd had a nice 2-3 hr nap on the train ride there. After a while, Antonio apologized to us and said that he had to take a shower and asked us if we wanted a drink from the hotel bar while we were waiting. We said sure and asked which drink was his favorite. He said Americano. I asked if it was coffee, and he said no. I asked what was in it and I can't remember what he said. So we said sure, we'll try it.

It was like the strongest drink I'd ever tried. I haven't had a whole lot of mixed drinks, but the best comparison I can make is a Long Island Iced Tea. I had already had some wine with dinner and about halfway through this drink the room was almost spinning, so I decided to be done for the time being. Erin managed to drink a little more.

He came back down and we chatted for awhile and then his friend, Mario (of course), who only spoke Italian, showed up. We finally started are trek and surprisingly, it was pretty much across the street. There were these big mob-boss looking men who were basically the bouncers at the entrance. We got there and they said something about it being a closed party or something, but then Antonio said something to him and he let us in. (sketch?) Then he asked Erin if she was ok and why she was acting weird. I later learned that she was trying to discreetly maneuver the knife out of her purse and into her pocket for easy access.

Oh I forgot to mention that we had already told him that I had a boyfriend and she was married. He couldn't believe it and was a little (and by a little I mean very) disappointed. He asked me if her ring was fake. I told him no.

Anyway, after getting past the mob-bosses, we walked past a huge huka bar tent and onto this boat, that just happened to be a bar/club. Coolest thing ever! We went down the stairs and it didn't even resemble a boat. He asked us if we wanted anything to drink and we said no and he was way surprised (apparently all Americans love getting drunk in Paris). So we made our way over to the dance floor. He talked to the DJ right before we started dancing and I think he told him that we were American because the next like 4 songs were really famous American ones, which was fun. But I swear, I've heard more American music in France than America. Anyway, we danced for awhile and it was really really fun. There was one song that was kinda weird, and Antonio told me it was supposed to be for African dance. I told him I took an African dance class and he was like, no way! Show me! So I did a little and he thought that was the coolest thing in the world.

Eventually, me and Erin said we needed to get to bed, and as we were heading out, he offered to buy us more drinks, but we politely declined. We chatted a little longer at the hotel before each going our separate ways.

So I know that the night could have been really dangerous and gone totally wrong, but it didn't. I trusted my intuition (and one of the other hotel employees) that told me Antonio was a good guy. Thus, we partied in a club on a boat with Italians. Yep. Ah-mazing.

Summary

Ok, it's 2am so I gotta make this quick.
Me and Erin. Paris. Hotel. Not in Paris. Owned by all Italians. Nice employee named Antonio. Free Drinks. Friend named Mario (what else?). Boatclubbingdancing. American music. African dancing. Nice guy (gentleman). Walked us back.

GREAT NIGHT!

More to follow!

(oh and btw I went to Chaumont on Wednesday, BEAUTIFUL gardens. I would love to go back at somepoint.)

Peace

GREAT NEWS

And on a completely different note, I have GREAT NEWS for anyone who hasn't heard via facebook (which is no one. Oh well).

Enormous Rooms, the undergrad creative literary journal at the U, accepted one of my submissions for their latest edition, meaning I am now OFFICIALLY PUBLISHED! SO exciting! If you are interested in getting a copy, you can show up to the release party on Friday, July 9th (which is the day after I get back), at 7pm at The King's English on 1511 S 1500 E.

That being said, many people were curious as to WHAT was published. It's funny because I'm actually much more of a fiction person than poetry, but they accepted my poem, so that explains the reposting of the poem (2 posts ago). However, you should just come to the party and get the real thing, because the formatting is somewhat off because blogger.com doesn't like me. However, they might TOTALLY mess up the formatting too. Well see. But basically they poem has not only a poetic, but also a visual aspect. You almost have to pay more attention to what's not there. However, because of that concept, I will not read at the release (even though I can if I feel so inclined) because there is no way to convey what you would experience when reading the poem. There is too much going on visually to convey with words I guess.

Anyway, this is just SUPER exciting for me since this is the first of hopefully many many more publications of my work, and now I feel like I'm on my way to a big-girl job!

If you are interested in getting a copy of Enormous Rooms but can't make it, either tell me, or you can stop by the English Dept and they'll probably have some extras. They're free no matter what, so you don't have to worry about that.

:D

Peace

I know, I know

I know, I haven't written in forever so everybody is in the dark as to what's going on in my life. Let me try to do some catching up bullet style:

-Until today I felt like I was getting better and better scores on my tests. I actually got a 20/20 on one test which really confused me because you're not supposed to be able to get a perfect score on tests the way that the French grade, but oh well, can't complain.

-My house-mom told me there was a really nice park by my house with animals, so I was expecting like squirrel or chickens or something. Kangaroos and flamingos!!! Also, assorted, turtles, a donkey, and some birds (of which, the peacocks were the best). Freaking amazing.

-I went to Amboise on Friday and rode the train for the first time. Well I rode it once with my mom in 7th grade, but I don't really remember it. I felt like a grown-up. It was fun. So it's a chateau and we were a little underwhelmed by how much we actually got to see. It's on the small side as far as chateaus go, but we only got to see like 4 rooms, and there were definitely like 3 whole floors we didn't get to see. However, the gardens were pretty and the view was great. And the most amazing part of all: I saw LEONARDO DAVINCI'S grave! I didn't know it was there, and I couldn't even comprehend the magnitude of what I beheld. I mean, he is responsible for the advancement of what eventually became much of modern technology, along with being an amazing artist. I didn't even know what to do with myself. And of course, I forgot my camera.

-Saturday I went to Versailles. HUGE chateau. There is a lot of history there. Marie Antoinette, Louis XIV, Napoleon, etc. Absolutely beautiful (and gigantic) gardens. It was really cool to think that Marie Antoinette/Louis XIV/Napoleon walked the same paths as I was walking. On another note, Americans are stupid and while being a tourist I think I'll keep my distance from them. Ok not really, but there were some people in our group I wanted to have some choice words with. Rude, ignorant, and spoiled does not even to begin to describe them, but I'll stop there. So I'm thinking maybe from now on, when people as me where I'm from (here) maybe I'll say Canada so they don't automatically hate me. People like the ones at Versailles are the reason everybody hates America (besides all the political reasons).

-I went to Fete de La Musique last night which was the most F-ing awesome thing I've ever been to. So in France (and some other countries that have caught on), June 21st(ish) of every year is Fete de la Musique (which means Music Festival or Party). On that day, anybody who wants to can go into the streets and play music. So there was EVERY single kind of band you can imagine: a whole bunch of rock bands, heavy metal, bagpipes, marching bands, jazz, techno, DJs etc. And then since France has a lot of African immigrants, there were a whole bunch of African Drum circles playing music and some of them had dancers too. I REALLY wanted to join the dancers (since West African Dance was one of the coolest dance classes I ever took), but I think I would look like a fool, being white. Anyway, it was cool. Let me tell you that hearing a band cover "California Rest in Peace" by Red Hot Chili Peppers, but with a French accent is about one of the funniest things ever. After a couple hours (and a beer and a strawberry colada), we went to La Gangette (which is probably spelled wrong), which is a bar with music and dancing down by the river. The music they were playing was this really weird folksy stuff, but us girls looked at each other and thought, might as well, and jumped right in. It was actually way fun. Everybody was doing their own weird dance moves, and this random French guy grabbed me and danced with me for a song which was WAY fun (mostly because it was so unexpected). And our little group started coming up with almost a uniform dance that involved turning around every 8 counts and clapping twice. Good times. All in all it was a great night.

-I went to bed last night at 1:30 and got up at 8 for school. And took two tests. So those might not have gone as well. However, I believe the idea of "When in Rome" applies here, and it was totally worth it.

Oh and the French soccer team is dumb. Yeah.

Peace.

Fragments of __________

It's been too long

_____years

you left me

____ing

by a _____

of hope

one evening full of hopedreamsreminisce

I waited

watched

wondered

I remembered

you removed_____self

____ago

absent

Unremember

The_____

Our lifelovefamily

The
_____s and ____s we shared.

I

love(d)

y_____

o____

u_____

Late ___sleepless nights,

Do you ____in ___,

alone,

and do you think of ____?

Ever?

Do you remember?

Does your ____still ____the way it used to?

Does it ____ethereal and______?

Does (i)t still (catch) the s(u)nlight

in the early morning

and make you appear m(erel)y angel(ic)?

Stale ____and _of__

Late nights of laughter

I remember.

The ______is empty.

My ______is cold.

I miss my ______.

Please come home.

New Layout

So I'm trying a new layout. What do people think? I happen to quite like the dandelions blowing in the wind.

Leftovers

Things I am missing right now:

-Landon

-Kombucha

-My passion for "Unapologies"

-the sun. It's been rainy here for the past few days.

On the bright side, I bought a cute umbrella for only 5 euros. Most places were selling them for anywhere between 15-20. I found the cheap on at a shoemaker's. That's right, a traditional shoemaker that just happens to sell umbrellas and handbags. Most random thing ever.

And hopefully this is the last time I post 3 different messages in one day. I just felt that because each one had such different flavors, they needed to be separate. If you hate me for clogging up your Blogger newsfeed, so be it.

Peace.

An Undesirable Trait

So I've come to a realization lately. I think I'm a chameleon.

So for those of you who went to a totally new place for college and lived in the dorms (or maybe not), here it's like freshman year in the dorms. None of us really knew each other very well and so we became friends REALLY fast. We all sort of clung to each other. So I have this issue that I've realized throughout the past year that I'm really not proud of:

I REALLY want people to like me.

I know, it doesn't really seem like a big deal, right? Everybody wants to be liked, right? But honestly, I feel like it has become a problem for me. I feel like I am trying too hard all the time. I carefully feel out what the people I'm around are like so I can act accordingly. And I test the waters for what kind of humor these people appreciate. I laugh when others laugh. I coincidentally have similar likes and dislikes. I somehow have a similar outlook on life and the world. I feel like one of the only things that is concrete about me is my vegetarianism, and even the reasons behind it are fluid and always changing. Why am I vegetarian? Really? I don't know. I have about three reasons, but only one of them is for sure at least half-true, but I don't like sharing that with people. Mostly because if you suddenly tell people about an eating disorder in your past, they pity you. I don't want pity. If you wanna talk to me and learn more about my past then great, lets talk, but don't just pity me for something that just happens to be true. And people often take it that way.

Anyway, it has really been frustrating me lately, this problem of mine. I love people for their uniqueness, for their imperfections, their strange quirks, their passion for life, and what they love to do. What do I love to do? What are those things for me? What is really true about me that I don't just say to satisfy/fit in with others?

I know I love to write. I know I love Landon. I know I love my family. I know I love my close friends. I know I really love to laugh. I know that nothing compares watching the sun rise over Lake Tahoe at 4:30 AM from the highest mountain around with about 50 other people. Well, it's only rivaled by watching the sunset from the highest point in Zion National Park that few people hike to. Or maybe the sunset over the Salt Lake Valley from Living Room. I know these things.

It seems that I define my identity far to heavily by the people around me and my conditions. And that is not me. This trait is SO not me. How did this happen? And now that I realize it, how do I fix it?

Peace.

(and why do I always end my posts with "Peace"?)

Why do so many of my posts have titles that have to do with catching up?

So let's see, what have I been up to for the past week?

Friday afternoon, I went with friends to a park and we sat there and drank wine, ate cheese and grapes, and felt wonderfully French. Bonus: we bought 2 bottles of wine and they were both only 2,33! Yeah, wine here is super cheap, given it wasn't something you would pay $100 dollars for here. I think the fact that there is just SO MUCH wine here makes it easy to find/buy.

Saturday we went to Mont St. Michel and this other town who's name I forgot. Anyway, you should totally look up Mont. St. Michel on Google images. It's way cool. I put up some pictures, but my Facebook is being temperamental so I don't know how long it will be till I get them all up. Anyway, it's this island, sort of. When we got there, it was a big mountain surrounded by wet sand, and it was super misty, so we couldn't even see the ocean, but apparently the tide rises and sometimes the water covers the road to get out to it. So it's this tiny island/mountain. There is a really narrow walkway lined with cafes, restaurants, hotels, and souvenir shops. It was WAY crowded. There are a few different ways to get up, and there are lots of spots to walk around and look out at the ocean/wet sand. Basically, they told us on our tour, that people began building churches there like forever ago, and eventually, they would build a new church on top of the old one. So we took a tour that started at the top, and as we began descending levels, the architecture got older and older. It was really cool. If you're interested in pictures, I took about a million and they're making they're making their way onto Facebook.

Then we went to this other town. I really don't know its name. To be honest, I didn't even know we were going anywhere else. But this town was really cool. It was almost an island. It was a port, so there were a bunch of boats, and it was like huge castle as well. It had this really cool cathedral that we walked around in for a little while. My group of friends, which has aptly named itself "Team Awesome" ended up temporarily gaining some members and we went to a restaurant to get some drinks. I learned that French hot chocolate comes unsweetened and they give you a few packs of sugar to sweeten it to your taste. I think that's pretty darn cool. So apparently this place was known for its cider and crepes (honestly, what place in France ISN'T known for it's crepes?). Three of my friends tried the cider when we got drinks. I had never tried cider before (meaning the alcoholic kind). Basically, it tastes like spiked apple juice with a hint of beery taste. I thought it was pretty good, but the guys who had ordered it said it wasn't the best sider they'd ever had. It wasn't terrible, it just didn't seem abnormally fantastic. Basically it was a pretty cool town to see, but I'm ok with the fact that we only spent 2 or 3 hours there and more time at Mont St. Michel.

Oh yeah, and when we got back, it was close to midnight. I was worried I wouldn't be able to find my way back. Luckily, I found the right street. Unluckily, I turned the wrong way. Luckily, I figured it out when it ended at a park instead of the Institut and I figured out where I was. Unluckily, a girl who had been on the bus with us followed me because I looked like I knew where I was going. Hilariously, I got scared that some girl was following me while I was alone in the dark in an empty town around midnight, even after I had turned around and crossed the street. You know how in those movies in middle school they say that if you're walking alone at night and are suspicious that some one is following you, cross the street and see if they follow? Yeah, I did that, and she followed, thinking I might head in another direction that would lead her home. I was just about to move onto step 4: run for the next open business, when she jogged to catch up with me and asked me if I was heading to the Institut. Haha. Why yes I was. She lives right across the street and had followed some people who looked like they knew where they were going (meaning me, her first mistake). She asked me 2 or 3 times more if I knew where I was going, to which I replied that now I did, and when we got to the Institut, her brother was sitting outside her house waiting for her. After that, I made it safely home.

A couple nights ago, I went out with friends. We went to a restaurant that was pretty traditionally French that had nothing vegetarian on the menu (unless you don't count escargo, which is technically a dead animal, but doesn't easily fall in with other "meats"). So I had to ask for my meal without meat, which was fine. Super amazing potatoes.

Afterward, we went to this bar next to the river. I always forget the name. Anyway, they were featuring regional wines, so I got a glass of what a lot of other people were drinking, since I didn't really know where to start. It was good. Probably some of the better wine I've had. Again, a glass of wine in the US is usually 4-6 dollars, right? This one was 2,50 euros. Nice, right? Anyway, some other people got this white wine (mine was red) that tasted kind of like a mixture of pineapple and honey, which was awesome. Then a couple people got this sparkling wine which basically tasted like spiked Izzy. I was really tempted to get some, but I'd had about a glass with dinner and a glass at the bar, and since it was a school night, I didn't wanna wake up with a headache. Again, I found it home safely.

Yesterday was an alright day. I went shopping with friends. Actually, it was more like shopping for shopping. We went around for a few hours looking for good places to shop since we're poor and don't care that much about looking super chic. We found basically the French version of Forever 21 and I bought a much-needed belt. I might go back for a jacket or scarf, both of which were way cute and reasonably priced.

I have a few more things to say, but possibly in another post. That's most of the ketchup for now.

Peace.

The End of the World (unfinished)

This is the very beginning of a piece I just started the other day for fun:

Many people gathered in that place at the end of the world. None of us knew each other and we spoke a language that was foreign to all. We lost ourselves in the middle of a town that never existed. Deep inside the town was a park that was older than time itself that housed every plant, but none of them had names.

The ducks swam circles around the lily pads in a the pond in the park in the town that never existed. They swam the same way they had for millions of years and the same way they would for millions more, after the end of the world.

Earth got used up. Technology prevailed, but not enough to save its users. And all that remained was us with the ducks in the part in the place that never existed.

Presently, more people arrived. Circus workers parked their bikes near us and began juggling between cigarette puffs. They set out a jar in front of them to make some tips before the end.

We sipped wine and ate bread and cheese that we bought at a nearby store that never existed within the town that never existed. There had been a sale that day, The Last Day. As I leaned against a tree in the park, I knew every leaf’s life story, since before time. We leaned and sipped and smoked and watched the jugglers. We listened to men speaking in tongues nearby. Whether of men, of angels, of demons, we knew not, and it mattered not.

The air was thick with laziness. It was warm and a little humid, with just a hint of remorse. A wilting breeze ruffled our damp hair as we contentedly awaited the end. The sky was dark green.

Then, just as gradually as they arrived, people began to leave. Soon we were a mass moving towards a mountain. The narrow street was lined with cafes and shops as it spiraled around the mountain towards the top. Resturants advertised “End of the World Specials!” and encouraged customers to “Have Your Last Meal in Style!” But nobody had any money except the circus performers who had their tips, and they were vegetarian. There was nothing for them here.

At the top of the mountain we found a basilica, now full of humanity but empty of religion. No one worshipped here. As soon as we were all assembled, two short man-like creatures motioned us to be silent. The noise that didn’t come from voices stopped. Then they led us through gothic arches and out the side door to a garden of ashes.

Better

Today was good. During lunch, I went exploring with some friends and we ended up at this gigantic cathedral. It was really pretty but of course, I forgot my camera! It really was amazing though. I think it's one of the biggest cathedrals I've ever been in. There was a lot of really cool stuff in it, and it made me wish I knew more about Catholicism so I could appreciate it more, but even with my limited knowledge I could recognize the beauty and just wonder at how long it took to build.

Things with my family are getting easier. Dinner was really good tonight. They had chicken and I had tuna and it was with rice and this sauce with veggies. I kept smelling it and wondering when we could eat because it smelled so good. I don't know what was in the sauce, but it was amazing. It almost smelled like something you would eat at an Indian restaurant, which I've only done once, so I guess I'm not exactly the expert on those smells. I don't think it was curry. Whatever it was, it was good.

We talked some more. I felt like at the end of the meal we were able to actually have a sort of conversation. I asked what "vachement" means. Literally translated, it basically turns "cow" into an adjective, like "cowly." I already kind of knew that it meant "very" sort of and she explained to me that it's more of a colloquial saying that younger people use and gave me some examples of synonyms. We talked about a few things. And I asked my sister, Andrea (who's 14 and very smart) to help me with the front door. I can't quite understand how to lock it. Anyway she helped me and then she asked be about my book that I had left sitting on a chair, "The Best American Science and Nature Writing." It's the 2007 edition and apparently every edition is good. Anyway, she asked me about it and I said it was a book that has information about science (and I guess nature) but it's not boring like a text book because it's written by really creative authors and thus, I find it interesting. Then we talked about the Chroni(WHAT?!)icles of Narnia (sorry, SNL joke.) and I told her I just finished the last one a few days ago. She didn't quite know what I was talking about, but then I told her there were two movies too, and told her the names and she said she'd seen them. We talked about how we both liked the magical realism and fantasy land (ok so I don't know how to say magical realism in French, but the same idea). Then she showed me my new room (I'm going to switch rooms because Sunday they're getting another student who is facebook friends with my mom. she saw all these pictures of her drinking and now she's worried that she's going to be partying all the time, so she wants me to move downstars because I'm apparently calmer and quieter, so the noisy drunk girl can be upstairs and not keep her up.) It's kind of a random situation. There's another room upstairs with two beds, but she's going to get another 2 students from Mexico, and she's sure they'll be really loud, so she's putting them together in that room. My new room, however, will have a door right to the deck/patio area outside, so I don't really mind that much. Anyway, it's already getting later than I meant to be up, so I should go.

Peace.

Long story short, I didn't make it to my first classes on Tuesday. I don't wanna talk about it. It has to do with my snooze button not working. Anyway, I THINK I got put in the right levels, but everybody in my class insists on speaking English a lot of the time. I admit, I give in a lot. It's SO MUCH easier. In class discussions, I speak French, but there's this one girl who I honestly don't even know if she knows any French. It's really annoying. Anyway, my classes are hard, but luckily we don't really have that much homework. I don't start class till 11 on Mondays, and I'm done at 11 on Fridays.

So I'm really tired and I don't really feel like writing, so here are some update points:

-My family is nice. My mom tries to teach me the right thing to say when I don't know or I say the wrong thing.

-I'm making friends at the institut. There are still only a couple people that speak French all the time. Ashley is my favorite person so far. We have chatted a little bit everyday. It's odd--she's younger than me, but I often feel like she's way more mature than me.

-Coffee is cheap.

-I've had a really hard time eating lately. I didn't know if it was the food being too rich or what, but today I ate dinner by myself (my mom told me I was eating dinner alone, but didn't say why) and it was so much easier. I think possibly I get SO nervous about speaking and understanding French that the food turns to ash in my mouth. Honestly, sometimes I just sit there and chew and chew and I feel like I'll never be able to swallow. But tonight when I was by myself for the first meal, it was WAY less nervewracking and I think I ate the most I've eaten in a meal the entire time I was here. It was rather nice.

-I don't really know how to spend time with my family. Normally we eat dinner together, but that's kind of it. I mean, my mom and I chat a little bit at breakfast, but I don't know when or how else I should socialize with them. They seem to always be doing things.

-I learned today that intellectual in french is intelligent in english and intellectual in english is intelligent in french. My mom told me.

Ok. That's all for now folks.

Peace.

Day 2-mieux

Today was a lot easier than yesterday. I think there were a lot of reasons. I woke up 25 minutes before my alarm went off with a really bad headache. At first I was upset that my head hurt so bad, but then I looked at my clock and realized that though I set the alarm for the right time, I hadn't actually set it to go off. So it was really fortunate that I DID have a debilitating headache. Ok it wasn't that bad. After 4 or 6 ibuprofen it went away. I walked to school and DIDN'T get lost (yay!). And found out that I had to take the placement test AGAIN. Apparently it didn't work either of the two times I took it online. So by the third time taking the exact same test, I knew most of the answers pretty well. Hopefully I don't test into a class too hard. Haha. But while the 20 or so of us who had to take the test were doing so, everyone else had an oral test. None of us had one. I asked my professor about it and he said, "They'll put you in a level based of that test. If it's wrong tomorrow, I'll fix it." Uh...ok I guess. So was that test really necessary for everyone else? I don't know. Anyway, then we got a tour of Tours (lol) and I was thoroughly turned around for pretty much the whole thing. But the city is not gigantic, just very concentrated. My host mom said it's about 50,000 people, which is about the same size as Corvallis, but it's SO different. It's a very old city for one thing, and it feels like a city, whereas Corvallis feels like a town, and it's really spread out.

After our tests and tour, it was lunchtime, so me and two other girls went around looking for places that weren't too expensive. We found this one called Pyramid. I ordered a falafel sandwich, which I didn't know what it was;the menu just said vegetarian, so I figured that was safe. I had NO idea what they were giving me, but it was good. It was in a sort of pita that tasted more like a pancake than pita, with cheese, lettuce and tomatoes. Oh and fries. Eating fries in a country that doesn't eat ketchup was strange. Somebody told me that the French eat fries with mayonnaise. So they have half of the fry sauce recipe down :)

In my group we spoke almost all French. It was hard, but really good for us. We didn't talk nearly as much as we would have in English, but it was good practice. Saddest part: I ordered mineral water, and they gave me water...enriched with minerals. I was taught that if you order mineral water, they give you sparkling water, and if you order "natural" water, that's plain water. I was thoroughly disappointed since I had a bottle of "still" water with me, but no matter. I think maybe they could figure out we were American from our accents and our struggling with French when we ordered, and just assumed that Americans hate sparkling water, which is true for the most part (except for me). But it turned out ok because they gave us all free sweet mint tea. So my whole meal, a sandwich, fries, and water (plus free tea) was only E 5,50. Then my card didn't work. I tried one of my debit cards AND my credit card and neither worked! I was really worried that even though I called my banks, they somehow forgot to change it and froze my card. Luckily I was with my friends and one of them paid for me. Then I went to an ATM and took out about E 100 to pay for an excursion and just for everyday things.

After we met up with people again, me and a group of about 5 others stayed together for awhile, walking around the city, going into shops, looking around, all sorts of things. It was really really fun. In this group, we spoke almost only English. We spend 5 or 6 hours together, and it was great. It was nice to just relax and have no schedule. We ended up at a bar and I ordered a coffee. Here ordering coffee means a shot of espresso with a little sugar packet and spoon. It was really strong! But good. A couple people got wine and one person got cafe au lait (basically a latte). Get this. The espresso was one Euro. The wine was 2, and the cafe au lait was E 1,30! What relief from $5 Starbucks!

Anyway, today was good, though it's still a little hard communicating with my family, but things are getting better, and I hope I can continue to made good friends. These people were really fun and I laughed a lot with them. There's one guy in the group who's kind of a douche, but he's really funny, so it's hard not to like him.

So it's getting late and I have to predre un douche (which means a shower, not the other thing ;). Here's hoping tomorrow is as good or better!

Peace

Well I'm here. In France. Tours, to be exact. I'm really excited and happy to be here, but I'm also really socially exhausted. I really can't understand much of what my family says to me, which sucks since I've been taking French for like 6 years. But I am learning how to say things that I need to say, and we have been able to have conversations. They just know that when they talk to me, they have to do so slowly and they'll probably have to repeat some things. Well I should probably go to bed. School starts tomorrow at 8:15!

Peace

ps-I saw the Eifffel Tower today-Twice! But it was really small and far away.

If Only

This poem was inspired by the poem "If Only" by Micah Lilley. I've been finishing up The Chronicles of Narnia lately. But I know most people only know The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe and maybe Prince Caspian, so I kept the references to things most people would know. It's pretty rough, seeing as I just wrote it. And again, I'm playing with form, seeing what works best and feels most comfortable for me. I think I was able to express some of my frustration here whilst still satisfying those who follow the underlying theme of the series.

If only life

were just as simple

as that of Narnia

and surrounding lands

Where the lamppost was

home and Aslan was

good and always

came just when you

needed him

Where Tumnus gave you

tea and you chatted like

friends, where talking beasts were

generous with everything

so you always felt at home

Where sons of Adam

were wise rulers

and daughters of Eve

were just and brave

When Aslan came just

when you needed him

When he saw his creation

and knew it was good

When he loved his creation

and knew it was good

Ah for the days of old!

Perhaps we aren't

so different as I think

Many here have

a lamppost home

Many believe

in a lion-god

Many drink tea

in the company of friends

We have generous people

make you feel right at home

We have Adam-rulers

and Eve-organizers

But does our Aslan

Come when we need him?

As the seasons have changed

my heart remains cold

Always winter but never

Christmas, like the years

of the White Witch

My soul's voice has grown

hoarse from crying out

my tears have dried

my prayers unanswered

My hope is buried

in a magical land

perhaps someday I'll find

a way through the

wardrobe to Aslan

and he will come

just when I need him

You Burn Me (Stanzas)

You burn me

With every breath

Every word

Every touch

You petrified my

heart is only a shadow of

my former

selfless for

you were my

everything else became

nothing.

Once.

I saw a way

out of your mind

if I leave you

never ask what I

think about it

never matters what I

say something don't just stand

there it is again the

look I can't stop

You burn me

with your cigarette

butts.

They told me to stand up to

you used to make me feel so a—

live in the moment—

ary lapses of memory.

Stop, you're hurting me

the way you grab me by my

shoulders and shake

it you tell me but I'm tired of your

presence is suffocating me

once and you thought it was

funny how you used to drive me

crazy

eyes

watching me

I am never alone.

You Burn Me-with inspiration from Sappho

You burn me with every breath every word every touch

You petrified my heart is only a shadow of my former selfless for you were my everything else became nothing.

Once.

I saw a way out of your mind if I leave you never ask what I think about it never matters what I say something don't just stand there it is again the look I can't stop

You burn me with your cigarette butts.

They told me to stand up to you used to make me feel so alive in the momentary lapses of memory.

Stop, you're hurting me the way you grab me by my shoulders and shake it you tell me but I'm tired of your presence is suffocating me once and you thought it was funny how you used to drive me crazy eyes watching me.

I am never alone.

A Little More Ketchup

So I have a few things lying around that I need to put up, especially since Hannah wanted to see some more of my poetry. :) So I'm going to put up two different versions of a poem I wrote. It was inspired by a line from Sappho, "You Burn Me." It was the only line on the entire page. For those who don't know, Sappho was a first century Greek (?) poet. Remarkably, a lot of her work has survived, but some of it is in fragments. I had the privilege of going through on of her translated works in a class, and thus the ability to discuss it and exchange ideas about the idea of that is lost, and perhaps gained, in translation. Anyway, it's interesting to wonder, was that "You Burn Me" supposed to be a poem in and of itself, or was it just the only fragment left?

So the poem I wrote is called "You Burn Me." I've heard a lot of experiences here and there with abusive relationships in the past school year, so I decided to write about it. I still hold that unless otherwise noted, my work is mostly fiction. Then again, I would like to think that parts of my writing are true for someone. Anyway, don't worry about me. This poem isn't about me.

It was kind of an experiment with form and meanings; do you ever start a sentence one way and then end it with something completely different than the beginning? Have you ever played a game called Culture Clash? Ok here's an example using a Beatles member and a famous actor:

George Harrison Ford

Doesn't make much sense? I know. I'm having a hard time explaining it and understanding it myself. Anyway, I did a lot of revision at the beginning and haven't touched it much sense, so I'm going to publish it two different ways: as poetry in stanzas and prose poetry. Let me know if one strikes you as better/more effective.

Also, I feel the need to say this even though nobody would know the difference: Originally, this poem was just about an abusive relationship, but then it became something more. In class, we were given some time to revise, so I did. I felt like I was possessed and wrote and wrote and wrote for almost the entire 30 minutes she gave us. What came out of it was a far more shocking, violent, and probably offensive version of the same poem, but moving into illustrating more of a rape situation. I actually can't even read it out loud, so I'm not going to put it up here. If I'm afraid to read it and I'm the one who WROTE it, I assume it would make some readers a tad bit uncomfortable as well. Part of me sees it as a great success because that's not something many writers can write well (yet I by no means do it well), but at the same time, not a lot of readers want to read that kind of thing. I am torn. Anyway, you will see.

Also, I might post some more "Unapologies" stuff up here. We shall see.

Oh! And just a warning: I leave for France in a week. I might use this as a less formal way to document some of my adventures while I'm there. Just so you know. For the month of June and beginning of July, there may be less creative and more experiential type stuff. Just so y'all know.

Peace