Ok this is something I just wrote, so it is very raw and unfinished. I'm working on my story about Paul. If you know nothing about it, then this might not make much sense to you. It's a story that switches between the narrative of here and now, being separeted from his wife and out of touch with is grown up children and alienated from much of a social life, and flashbacks to him and his wife falling during and/or soon after college. What I wrote today is a flashback. To the death of somebody very close to Laurie (Paul's wife). I'm trying to capture, the pain, shock, chaos, and disorder to the situation, whilst making Paul's character a little more dynamic, but I'm not sure how it's working. Again, this is very much a work in progress, but I would appreciate any sort of criticism.
Paul squeezed Laurie’s hand. For the first time in a long time He had no idea what to do. He hoped maybe if he squeezed hard enough, the tears wouldn’t come. Too late.
They sat together, alone, feeling infinitesimal in the largeness of the cramped room and the situation. Paul had never had to deal with death. He had never really had to deal with anything. He put his arm around Laurie. He wanted to say something—anything to make it better, but he had no words.
He dug a handkerchief out of his pocket and his hand wove its way through the maze of her hair to dab at her wet cheeks. She slowly closed her fingers around his. He held her close and sighed at his own helplessness. He felt every ounce of her pain yet was strangely disconnected. He had never met the man, only heard stories. Many stories. He continuously tried to grasp the finality of the situation, but repeatedly could not.
“Is there anything I can get you?” He whispered. She shook her dark blond curls from where they had burrowed in his chest. They sat for a very long time. He lost track. He had a wet spot on his shirt from her tears, but she didn’t seem to notice. The tears continued. The phone was still on the floor where she had dropped it and he had caught her as she collapsed upon hearing the news. He gently leaned over, picked it up, and neatly placed it on the corner of the newspaper on the corner of the table.
Order. Paul could deal with order. He could handle life when things happened at a reasonable and predictable time and fell correctly into the routine. He wanted to take hold all of the chaos and strange unfamiliar feelings and compartmentalize them into logic and reason and force them to make sense. Permanent. Gone. Forever. A million questions rushed though his mind in a strange and unreasonable order. What will they do with all of his clothes? Will her mother be alright? Can’t they predict things like this? Why now? I thought people could survive heart attacks. Does her mother have enough money to live on her own? Will the family make it? Do his coworkers know? What will they do? How do businesses handle this kind of thing? Will they give everyone time off to grieve and recover, or will they have a meeting to discuss the loss, take a moment of silence for him, and then move on to business as usual? Will Laurie be able to keep her job? Who will walk her down the aisle when she gets married? Will he go in heaven? Does God look kindly upon those who have fallen, yet raised daughters with a love like his own? Does God even exist? How could a loving God let these things happen?
His questions turned to anger. Why he leave her? Why does it hurt her so much? Why did they have to be so damn close? He had been her guide, her protector. Didn’t he know someday he would have to leave her? Why did he make it so difficult?
He gently combed his fingers through her messied hair. He took a sip of her untouched tea on the table. It had grown cold. The light in the room had faded with the daylight and he realized by her breathing that Laurie had fallen asleep. For the first time he realized how exhausted he was after the last few hours. Afraid to disturb her, he leaned back on the couch that swallowed them both. He shut his eyes to rest for just a few minutes.
Hours later, he awoke to her whispering in her sleep. “Daddy, Daddy, where have you gone?” He gently rubbed her arm, wishing he could rub the pain away. Erase it. Gone. When her breathing returned to normal, he got up, quietly washed out her mug and put it on the drying rack. He grabbed a blanket from her room and brought it to her. She half sat up, still mostly asleep, and he resumed his previous position. He covered her with the blanket and dozed off again.
If you can't tell, the death is her father. I like leaving it slightly ambiguous. I think I'll change his internal dialogue, the questions. I don't quite like them. They don't seem quite random or organized enough. Maybe that's ok. I'm not sure. I've never dealt with such a degree of loss, so I'm not sure I'm on the right track here, but I did a little research on grief, and i know each case is different, so there's no exact right answer.
It's strange how invested I get in my stories. I got really sad while I was writing this and I felt so sorry for Laurie! Strange how something you create can affect you so deeply. It made me think about how much I value my own parents.
Like I said, feedback is welcome.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Saturday, October 3, 2009
14 Ways to Say I Love You
Inspired by Chelsea’s Image Notebook entry, “14 ways to use a bandana”
1. We met in a corn maze on a cool night in October. It was really an accident that we were together. I liked the feel of your name on my lips. You and your friends made me laugh. You laughed at me when I got scared, which irritated me slightly, but I was having too much fun to care. I clung to you when they jumped out at me, and though neither of us would admit it, we both knew you secretly loved it.
2. She tried to play matchmaker but we didn’t need her, though we both thought we did. We didn’t really know what was going on and couldn’t see it happening before our eyes.
3. You came to the emergency room with me. She drove, but you stayed there, held my hand, told me it would be ok. We didn’t know what made me so sick. We still don’t know. You combed your fingers through my unwashed hair and told me to get some rest, that you would be here when I woke up. You held my hand while I slept. We weren’t even dating at that point.
4. We went on a walk at the mall together, in the pouring rain, the sky dark and beautiful. We got coffee and you paid, which wasn’t quite ok because it wasn’t a date. To this day, Starbucks croissants remind me of that first not-date with you. You told me I was amazing. When I sang in the old train station, you told me I had a beautiful voice. When we got back all the girls were squealing and asked me what happened. I told them we hung out. We got coffee. They said it was a date. I said it wasn’t. They asked if you paid. I was sunk.
5. You invited me on the drive to go pick her up so we could all hang out. I told you I would if you played in the snow with me. She was late so we got coffee. I paid because you paid last time. It started snowing again. You still didn’t understand my ecstasy because you were used to snow. I ran outside to the parking lot and opened my arms to the snow. You waited a moment then walked to where I stood, face turned to the sky, blinking the wetness away. You brushed a snowflake off my cheek. I thought you might kiss me.
6. “So I was going to get you a dozen roses for Valentine’s Day, but that was just so stereotypical, so I didn’t.” Pause. “I got you two dozen.”
7. You taught me how to longboard, or at least the basics. Then I taught myself the rest. I kept the one we borrowed and never gave back. You bought your own and we longboarded to class together, when we could, which wasn’t very often since I had 8:30 classes and yours weren’t until 10:45 or noon. And then there were the days we just longboarded for fun—like your birthday, and that crisp fall evening when we watched the sun set as we carved down campus. We weaved around the stadium parking lot until the train came.
8. I remember 5 days after we met. We were both bored, but we had hung out the day before, so we figured one day apart wouldn’t do too much harm. These were the days before Facebook chat. I was quite content that my entire wall consisted of your comments and yours of mine. Finally one of us called the other and we talked on the phone for over 2 hours.
9. We were going to meet at a train station. I would be getting off and you had biked. We were going to walk to your house. I had remarked on the phone that I needed to stop at the store to buy toothpaste. After I got off and after you hugged me, you produced two toothpaste packages and asked me which one I wanted because you had supposedly needed some too. After recounting this story to a friend, she said you and me could make toothpaste romantic. I told her it’s the little things in life that matter.
10. You bought me skis for Christmas and my birthday. I bought you skis for your birthday. My skis were wide for skiing Utah powder. They had swirling flowers, bright colors, and they were neon green on the bottoms. Your skis were good for all around skiing, but especially parks. They had snowflakes on the tops and naked girls on the bottom. The internet site where I bought them neglected to mention that.
11. You drove hours and hours to see me. 14 hours each way to pick me up in Tahoe. 6 and a half hours to drop me off, drive home, come visit, go back home, come pick me up, and bring me home from Zion. You rode 22 hours on a Greyhound to come visit me at home, and then shortly afterword vowed to never touch a Greyhound again, unless it was an actual racing dog.
12. When I was broke for two months, you paid for everything for me. You NEVER let me pay for anything besides my own groceries, unless I beg or it’s agreed to ahead of time, and even then you always ask me if I’m sure. I hardly ever open doors for myself either. And when I go to bed and you’re telling me goodnight I always ask if you’ll do me “a really big favor.” And you always get me a glass of water.
13. I still remember the nights we told each other our deepest darkest secrets. My former eating disorder and your former addiction. Now you tell me I’m beautiful, and when I don’t believe you, you grab my shoulders, tell me to look you in the eyes, and you tell me I’m the most beautiful girl in the world and that you’re the luckiest guy to have me. That night way back when, you thanked me for still loving you after knowing. I asked how could I not?
14. You love me in an unconditional way that I’ve never quite understood. In two years we had one fight and I openly admit it was all my fault. You do things for me all the time. You always put me first. You swing dance with me because you know it makes me smile. You buy EasyMac Alfredo even though you don’t like it and keep it at your house for me because it’s the only remotely vegetarian thing I would find there. You give me your jacket when it’s cold. You kiss me in the rain. You hold me close when there’s thunder outside. You call me just to tell me you love me. You buy me flowers because they remind you of me. You love me for me, and there’s nothing more that I could ask, except for maybe a really big favor.
1. We met in a corn maze on a cool night in October. It was really an accident that we were together. I liked the feel of your name on my lips. You and your friends made me laugh. You laughed at me when I got scared, which irritated me slightly, but I was having too much fun to care. I clung to you when they jumped out at me, and though neither of us would admit it, we both knew you secretly loved it.
2. She tried to play matchmaker but we didn’t need her, though we both thought we did. We didn’t really know what was going on and couldn’t see it happening before our eyes.
3. You came to the emergency room with me. She drove, but you stayed there, held my hand, told me it would be ok. We didn’t know what made me so sick. We still don’t know. You combed your fingers through my unwashed hair and told me to get some rest, that you would be here when I woke up. You held my hand while I slept. We weren’t even dating at that point.
4. We went on a walk at the mall together, in the pouring rain, the sky dark and beautiful. We got coffee and you paid, which wasn’t quite ok because it wasn’t a date. To this day, Starbucks croissants remind me of that first not-date with you. You told me I was amazing. When I sang in the old train station, you told me I had a beautiful voice. When we got back all the girls were squealing and asked me what happened. I told them we hung out. We got coffee. They said it was a date. I said it wasn’t. They asked if you paid. I was sunk.
5. You invited me on the drive to go pick her up so we could all hang out. I told you I would if you played in the snow with me. She was late so we got coffee. I paid because you paid last time. It started snowing again. You still didn’t understand my ecstasy because you were used to snow. I ran outside to the parking lot and opened my arms to the snow. You waited a moment then walked to where I stood, face turned to the sky, blinking the wetness away. You brushed a snowflake off my cheek. I thought you might kiss me.
6. “So I was going to get you a dozen roses for Valentine’s Day, but that was just so stereotypical, so I didn’t.” Pause. “I got you two dozen.”
7. You taught me how to longboard, or at least the basics. Then I taught myself the rest. I kept the one we borrowed and never gave back. You bought your own and we longboarded to class together, when we could, which wasn’t very often since I had 8:30 classes and yours weren’t until 10:45 or noon. And then there were the days we just longboarded for fun—like your birthday, and that crisp fall evening when we watched the sun set as we carved down campus. We weaved around the stadium parking lot until the train came.
8. I remember 5 days after we met. We were both bored, but we had hung out the day before, so we figured one day apart wouldn’t do too much harm. These were the days before Facebook chat. I was quite content that my entire wall consisted of your comments and yours of mine. Finally one of us called the other and we talked on the phone for over 2 hours.
9. We were going to meet at a train station. I would be getting off and you had biked. We were going to walk to your house. I had remarked on the phone that I needed to stop at the store to buy toothpaste. After I got off and after you hugged me, you produced two toothpaste packages and asked me which one I wanted because you had supposedly needed some too. After recounting this story to a friend, she said you and me could make toothpaste romantic. I told her it’s the little things in life that matter.
10. You bought me skis for Christmas and my birthday. I bought you skis for your birthday. My skis were wide for skiing Utah powder. They had swirling flowers, bright colors, and they were neon green on the bottoms. Your skis were good for all around skiing, but especially parks. They had snowflakes on the tops and naked girls on the bottom. The internet site where I bought them neglected to mention that.
11. You drove hours and hours to see me. 14 hours each way to pick me up in Tahoe. 6 and a half hours to drop me off, drive home, come visit, go back home, come pick me up, and bring me home from Zion. You rode 22 hours on a Greyhound to come visit me at home, and then shortly afterword vowed to never touch a Greyhound again, unless it was an actual racing dog.
12. When I was broke for two months, you paid for everything for me. You NEVER let me pay for anything besides my own groceries, unless I beg or it’s agreed to ahead of time, and even then you always ask me if I’m sure. I hardly ever open doors for myself either. And when I go to bed and you’re telling me goodnight I always ask if you’ll do me “a really big favor.” And you always get me a glass of water.
13. I still remember the nights we told each other our deepest darkest secrets. My former eating disorder and your former addiction. Now you tell me I’m beautiful, and when I don’t believe you, you grab my shoulders, tell me to look you in the eyes, and you tell me I’m the most beautiful girl in the world and that you’re the luckiest guy to have me. That night way back when, you thanked me for still loving you after knowing. I asked how could I not?
14. You love me in an unconditional way that I’ve never quite understood. In two years we had one fight and I openly admit it was all my fault. You do things for me all the time. You always put me first. You swing dance with me because you know it makes me smile. You buy EasyMac Alfredo even though you don’t like it and keep it at your house for me because it’s the only remotely vegetarian thing I would find there. You give me your jacket when it’s cold. You kiss me in the rain. You hold me close when there’s thunder outside. You call me just to tell me you love me. You buy me flowers because they remind you of me. You love me for me, and there’s nothing more that I could ask, except for maybe a really big favor.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Questions...and things of that sort
On a scale of 1-10, how dangerous is it to ride an electric light-rail train in a electric storm? What happened to paranoid schizophrenics and does anybody listen when they talk to themselves?
The sky is most beautiful when it turns black at midday.
Who picks up garbage in front of buildings that nobody own? Does anybody else think it was weird that the U.S. dropped a bomb, then tried to help the country it bombed recover?
Where do the homeless people go when it rains? Where do the homeless people go when it snows? Where do the homeless people go when it's 40 below and they cancel school because they don't want the kids to get hypothermia?
What does organic REALLY mean? Is coffee honestly that bad for you? And if so, why do so many people drink it? Why do we ignore poverty? Why is it that everybody is terrified to go to Africa, but once they do, they never want to leave? Why is it that we refer to the world's second-largest continent, compiled of about 60 countries as one place that is all the same?
Why are we ashamed to show emotion? How is it possible to have a national identity in a country compiled of 50 other states with their own identities? Is it possible to know a culture other than your own?
Is it true that to have a dog is a pact with sorrow? Could you say the same about marriage?
When is it appropriate to cry? What is one's responsibility when living in an over-medicated community with a high suicide rate? Does God care about you and me? Can you give me a better answer than what they teach you in Sunday School?
Do you know how to cry? Are we a beautiful people living in a broken world or a broken people living in a beautiful world? Is life really just a journey toward death? What is pure joy and how do we find it? Is there more value in having a firm grip on something evanescent or just a taste of something eternal? Do scars ever truly heal? Are humans truly superior? Have we surpassed the pinnacle of our existence? Are we on the verge of extinction of the soul? Can a soul even die and leave a person still alive? Does the flame ever go out or does it just become so small it's unrecognizeable?
Can you truly know grief without experiencing it firsthand? Is there anything as strong as a mother's love for her child? Why are so many twenty-somethings experiencing a crisis of beliefs? Doesn't God see?
Why does the sun seem so much brighter when surrounded by rain clouds? Why does the Son seem so much brighter when surrounded by rain clouds. I am surrounded by rain clouds. Why can't I see the Son?
Will this ever end? What is true wonder and why do we never realize it at the time? Would goldenrod mean anything to a black and white world? Do priests ever have sexual fantasies? Does anyone ever cry for our fallen world?
Why do battered women stay? Why do rape victims remain silent? Why do murderers escape? Doesn't God care?
Why does history repeat itself? Why do people deny the Holocaust? Why is the world the way it is? Do pastors grow calloused in order to bear the pain and secrets of a crippled congregation? Do mothers cry when their grown children get hurt? Were all abusive men abused themselves?
Do people stop eating because they get depressed or do they get depressed because they stop eating? Why are the happiest moments always the shortest? How do we know the difference between an answer to prayer and life happening? Does God really hear our cries? How do we know the difference between an acquaintance and a friend?
Could the wind blow hard enough to wipe out an entire city? How is it that Christians can be so accepting and judgmental at the same time?
Is it possible for man to be flawless? Is it possible for a broken person to heal on their own? Are women and men rally created equally? Can a broken city be saved? Will I ever see through this fog?
Is there such thing as true love? Does absolute truth exist? Can emotional pain be strong enough to kill a person? What is forever? What is death, if not relief?
Could we survive without the honeybees? Could plants survive without the sun? Could I survive without the Son?
The sky is most beautiful when it turns black at midday.
Who picks up garbage in front of buildings that nobody own? Does anybody else think it was weird that the U.S. dropped a bomb, then tried to help the country it bombed recover?
Where do the homeless people go when it rains? Where do the homeless people go when it snows? Where do the homeless people go when it's 40 below and they cancel school because they don't want the kids to get hypothermia?
What does organic REALLY mean? Is coffee honestly that bad for you? And if so, why do so many people drink it? Why do we ignore poverty? Why is it that everybody is terrified to go to Africa, but once they do, they never want to leave? Why is it that we refer to the world's second-largest continent, compiled of about 60 countries as one place that is all the same?
Why are we ashamed to show emotion? How is it possible to have a national identity in a country compiled of 50 other states with their own identities? Is it possible to know a culture other than your own?
Is it true that to have a dog is a pact with sorrow? Could you say the same about marriage?
When is it appropriate to cry? What is one's responsibility when living in an over-medicated community with a high suicide rate? Does God care about you and me? Can you give me a better answer than what they teach you in Sunday School?
Do you know how to cry? Are we a beautiful people living in a broken world or a broken people living in a beautiful world? Is life really just a journey toward death? What is pure joy and how do we find it? Is there more value in having a firm grip on something evanescent or just a taste of something eternal? Do scars ever truly heal? Are humans truly superior? Have we surpassed the pinnacle of our existence? Are we on the verge of extinction of the soul? Can a soul even die and leave a person still alive? Does the flame ever go out or does it just become so small it's unrecognizeable?
Can you truly know grief without experiencing it firsthand? Is there anything as strong as a mother's love for her child? Why are so many twenty-somethings experiencing a crisis of beliefs? Doesn't God see?
Why does the sun seem so much brighter when surrounded by rain clouds? Why does the Son seem so much brighter when surrounded by rain clouds. I am surrounded by rain clouds. Why can't I see the Son?
Will this ever end? What is true wonder and why do we never realize it at the time? Would goldenrod mean anything to a black and white world? Do priests ever have sexual fantasies? Does anyone ever cry for our fallen world?
Why do battered women stay? Why do rape victims remain silent? Why do murderers escape? Doesn't God care?
Why does history repeat itself? Why do people deny the Holocaust? Why is the world the way it is? Do pastors grow calloused in order to bear the pain and secrets of a crippled congregation? Do mothers cry when their grown children get hurt? Were all abusive men abused themselves?
Do people stop eating because they get depressed or do they get depressed because they stop eating? Why are the happiest moments always the shortest? How do we know the difference between an answer to prayer and life happening? Does God really hear our cries? How do we know the difference between an acquaintance and a friend?
Could the wind blow hard enough to wipe out an entire city? How is it that Christians can be so accepting and judgmental at the same time?
Is it possible for man to be flawless? Is it possible for a broken person to heal on their own? Are women and men rally created equally? Can a broken city be saved? Will I ever see through this fog?
Is there such thing as true love? Does absolute truth exist? Can emotional pain be strong enough to kill a person? What is forever? What is death, if not relief?
Could we survive without the honeybees? Could plants survive without the sun? Could I survive without the Son?
Friday, August 21, 2009
Well, as promised, here they are:
Here
The hair fell away from the wall
unfeeling, dead.
restless.
unrelenting restlessness.
the hole closing and a piercing silence;
ignored, the sunbeams screamed,
halting at the feet.
the summer stagnated inside the room
away from it, he grew stronger as he stood.
distracted, he ignored the bright valleys.
he glared through the cloudless sky.
to the moon last night
waking up, a new day;
a nothing eternity.
feet, smile, back, moonbeams
moon dark raindrop
dark empty chilled nothing
them.
together.
again.
a certain book
And it came to pass
25 times
on every page
2700
pages to go
you do the math.
I'll waste my time
doing something else
Shadows of nothing (thanks to Alexandra Reijentes for the first line)
snowflakes staple the minutes together
an eternity
unwinding before the eyes
of an uninvited guest
welcomed, as any other
into the audience of one
gazing up
looking
up
snowflakes stars sun clouds moon darkness
nothing.
vast abyss
gazing up
looking
up
falling shooting shining moving rising shrouding
nothing.
absolutely nothing.
and
you're
almost
g o n e
Here
The hair fell away from the wall
unfeeling, dead.
restless.
unrelenting restlessness.
the hole closing and a piercing silence;
ignored, the sunbeams screamed,
halting at the feet.
the summer stagnated inside the room
away from it, he grew stronger as he stood.
distracted, he ignored the bright valleys.
he glared through the cloudless sky.
to the moon last night
waking up, a new day;
a nothing eternity.
feet, smile, back, moonbeams
moon dark raindrop
dark empty chilled nothing
them.
together.
again.
a certain book
And it came to pass
25 times
on every page
2700
pages to go
you do the math.
I'll waste my time
doing something else
Shadows of nothing (thanks to Alexandra Reijentes for the first line)
snowflakes staple the minutes together
an eternity
unwinding before the eyes
of an uninvited guest
welcomed, as any other
into the audience of one
gazing up
looking
up
snowflakes stars sun clouds moon darkness
nothing.
vast abyss
gazing up
looking
up
falling shooting shining moving rising shrouding
nothing.
absolutely nothing.
and
you're
almost
g o n e
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Just Sayin...
So I'm in the process of getting all moved in. Let me rephrase that. I technically got back to SLC on Sunday night, but I am only about halfway through unpacking due to the size of my closet and my lack of a dresser, which I'm in the process of trying to fix. Yesterday I purchased a mattress, box spring, and rolling frame for my bed, all for $75! Lauren helped me put it together last night, and after putting my old black extra long dorm sheets on the box spring and mattress, I threw my feather mattress on top of that and Voila! I now have a bed! I must admit though, after sleeping on the top bunk for about 8 years, then lofting my bed for two years in the dorms, sleeping on the top of a triple bunk last summer (until i broke my arm, which made climbing that REALLY difficult), and then sleeping on the top bunk above Loni this summer, sleeping on a normal(ish) bed feels really strange. I feel like at least there should be a shadow of a bunk above me or something. Haha. I am really surprised by this bed though. I really like it. No stains or smells or anything and for $75! It's amazingly comfortable and I was really sad to have to actually get up this morning, which is a good sign for the bed (the comfort issue), but not necessarily for me the morning after a late night of studying! Oh well.
I am also enjoying cooking for myself, though I've discovered it's really hard to just cook a single serving for yourself and our fridge is still pretty bare. That's ok though. I think the hardest thing of this whole situation is that Landon's car is broken and he's thinking it will be a better idea to just get a new one than fix his old one...again. So considering he can't really afford a car right now, he's biking to work, which is giving him crazy strong calf muscles (which he LOVES:) and he's saving beaucoup dollars on gas, but that mean's I have to get creative for how to actually GET the furniture I need. Lauren's really nice and willing to help me out, seeing as she has a car, but hers is pretty small. Luckily, Bryant lent his car to Landon yesterday (which is an awesome SUV, good story, another time) and we used it to pick up my bed which was REALLY nice. So now I'll just have to be slightly creative for the rest of my stuff. I'll figure it out...somehow.
So the real reason I posted this was to say sit tight and stay tuned. The other night I wrote some poetry, which I literally haven't done in over a year, but something came over me and it just kind of happened. I wanted to put it on here, but unfortunately, we don't have internet at our house yet. So this is the second time I have come to RoCo with the intention of putting it on here and forgetting to bring my notebook. Fml in a small way.
However, I really would like some feedback on these poems (3 total) as they are the first I have written in a long time. I used some writing exercises as a springboard and then things just started happening. Exciting, right? So the first is from this exercise called Angel/Devil where you take a poem that's already written (by you or otherwise) and try to write the exact opposite of it, hence the angel/devil name. I haven't yet decided whether I'll put up the angel version from which I drew my devil poem. I'm kind of thinking maybe not, because it might be distracting, since I don't particularly care for feedback on that one. The second is a cynical bit on a particular book. If you know anything about that book, you'll recognize it. If you don't, that's fine. You'll be blissfully unaware. The third is another exercise. I don't remember what it's called, but you use the first line from another poem (famous or not) for your starting line, and go from there. I don't know if that equals plaigerism, but I'm hoping not, because it's a great springboard; you can go a COMPLETELY different direction than what's originally written. So stay tuned for those. I'm not sure when exactly I'll get them up, but hopefully soon.
On another note, I'm rethinking the direction this blog will take. I think it will become much more of a writing blog, looking for any sort of feedback, than just me bouncing my random thoughts on here. I originally started it to document some of my adventures in Zion, but I left out some key things, like the Narrows, Cable Mountain, Angel's Landing, the RATTLESNAKE, etc. I think I remembered to recount the accidental heatstroke incident, although I guess every case of heatstroke should be accidental. Sometimes redundancy is completely pointless which redundancy sometimes is. :)
Anyway, writing. Creatively. That's the plan. With the occasional rant. Comprennez? Alrighty, stay tuned!
I am also enjoying cooking for myself, though I've discovered it's really hard to just cook a single serving for yourself and our fridge is still pretty bare. That's ok though. I think the hardest thing of this whole situation is that Landon's car is broken and he's thinking it will be a better idea to just get a new one than fix his old one...again. So considering he can't really afford a car right now, he's biking to work, which is giving him crazy strong calf muscles (which he LOVES:) and he's saving beaucoup dollars on gas, but that mean's I have to get creative for how to actually GET the furniture I need. Lauren's really nice and willing to help me out, seeing as she has a car, but hers is pretty small. Luckily, Bryant lent his car to Landon yesterday (which is an awesome SUV, good story, another time) and we used it to pick up my bed which was REALLY nice. So now I'll just have to be slightly creative for the rest of my stuff. I'll figure it out...somehow.
So the real reason I posted this was to say sit tight and stay tuned. The other night I wrote some poetry, which I literally haven't done in over a year, but something came over me and it just kind of happened. I wanted to put it on here, but unfortunately, we don't have internet at our house yet. So this is the second time I have come to RoCo with the intention of putting it on here and forgetting to bring my notebook. Fml in a small way.
However, I really would like some feedback on these poems (3 total) as they are the first I have written in a long time. I used some writing exercises as a springboard and then things just started happening. Exciting, right? So the first is from this exercise called Angel/Devil where you take a poem that's already written (by you or otherwise) and try to write the exact opposite of it, hence the angel/devil name. I haven't yet decided whether I'll put up the angel version from which I drew my devil poem. I'm kind of thinking maybe not, because it might be distracting, since I don't particularly care for feedback on that one. The second is a cynical bit on a particular book. If you know anything about that book, you'll recognize it. If you don't, that's fine. You'll be blissfully unaware. The third is another exercise. I don't remember what it's called, but you use the first line from another poem (famous or not) for your starting line, and go from there. I don't know if that equals plaigerism, but I'm hoping not, because it's a great springboard; you can go a COMPLETELY different direction than what's originally written. So stay tuned for those. I'm not sure when exactly I'll get them up, but hopefully soon.
On another note, I'm rethinking the direction this blog will take. I think it will become much more of a writing blog, looking for any sort of feedback, than just me bouncing my random thoughts on here. I originally started it to document some of my adventures in Zion, but I left out some key things, like the Narrows, Cable Mountain, Angel's Landing, the RATTLESNAKE, etc. I think I remembered to recount the accidental heatstroke incident, although I guess every case of heatstroke should be accidental. Sometimes redundancy is completely pointless which redundancy sometimes is. :)
Anyway, writing. Creatively. That's the plan. With the occasional rant. Comprennez? Alrighty, stay tuned!
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
shoes, etc.
I LOVE Tom's Shoes. They are SO comfortable and they are kind of expensive, but worth the price. You're essentially paying for two pairs of shoes. For every pair you buy, they give a pair to someone in need. Cool, right?
So I learned about Tom's Shoes from this random guy at church, and then I started spotting them around town and as soon as I bought a couple pairs, I started to discover this entire culture around these shoes, that I ended up becoming a part of because I bought some. I started noticing people who had them, either in pictures or in person.
Now I have to admit I'm a pretty judgmental person in general. I think that takes roots in my conservative christian background. But what I started to do was like reverse judgmentalism. I would see someone who had Tom's Shoes and automatically know they were AWESOME! I felt this instant kinship with other people who had Tom's Shoes because it was like we were all in this together. We were all buying these shoes for poor kids and that made us friends.
I started doing that with people who had Chacos too. Except you don't help poor people with Chacos. It just means you're moderately outdoorsy and willing to spend money on shoes, or a rich poser, or like me, have a friend who is a canyoneering guide and can get them for you for 50% off (I'm a pretty serious hiker too). But when I hike now, I totally judge people. This is what I look for:
-chacos or hardcore hiking boots, two very different kinds, but both pretty hardcore kinds of hikers
-camelbaks or nalgene(sp?) bottles same here, two different but both hardcore brands
-bandanas. I have no idea why I look for this one, I just happen to wear one myself, but I think I'm a little bit of a poser cause I just wear it around my neck
-how large their pack is, if they even have one. Good hikers prepare well for long hikes. You don't take 2 12 oz water bottles on a 10 mile hike
-time of day. The best hikers leave super early in the morning (5-7:30 am) because most scenic hikes in the summer have quite a bit of sun exposure. Now this one is flexible depending on location. But here in the desert, you know the common tourist from the seasoned hiker just depending on what time of day they're out. Me and Sharon started up Angel's Landing at 7:20 and beat most people and, for the most part, didn't have to deal with the sun beating down on us/dehydration/heat stroke.
Isn't that wild? I mean, that last one actually makes some sense, but I am SO judgemental! I also just happen to respect road bike riders who happen to have sweet old school style road bikes. Bonus points if they are wearing Tom's Shoes WHILE biking ON THEIR WAY to farmer's market. That's another one: buying locally/organically/vegetarian/farmer's market. Weird right? I just respect people more because of where they shop/what that eat.
Why the heck do I judge people by such arbitrary standards? Why do I care? And yet Landon doesn't really do any of those things and I love him most. Why? (well duh, because he's just amazing and wonderful:)
So there you have it. I judge and respect people based on what they wear on their feet, form of transportation, hiking standards, and food/water standards.
I don't know about you, but that seems pretty pathetic to me.
And my goal this summer was to become more genuine. I think part of that would be to judge people based on character. I would like to think I actually do that, but I can't be sure. I guess the best plan would be not to judge at all, but everybody does, and you know you'll end up judging some way or another. So how do you determine a non-judgmental way to judge?
So I learned about Tom's Shoes from this random guy at church, and then I started spotting them around town and as soon as I bought a couple pairs, I started to discover this entire culture around these shoes, that I ended up becoming a part of because I bought some. I started noticing people who had them, either in pictures or in person.
Now I have to admit I'm a pretty judgmental person in general. I think that takes roots in my conservative christian background. But what I started to do was like reverse judgmentalism. I would see someone who had Tom's Shoes and automatically know they were AWESOME! I felt this instant kinship with other people who had Tom's Shoes because it was like we were all in this together. We were all buying these shoes for poor kids and that made us friends.
I started doing that with people who had Chacos too. Except you don't help poor people with Chacos. It just means you're moderately outdoorsy and willing to spend money on shoes, or a rich poser, or like me, have a friend who is a canyoneering guide and can get them for you for 50% off (I'm a pretty serious hiker too). But when I hike now, I totally judge people. This is what I look for:
-chacos or hardcore hiking boots, two very different kinds, but both pretty hardcore kinds of hikers
-camelbaks or nalgene(sp?) bottles same here, two different but both hardcore brands
-bandanas. I have no idea why I look for this one, I just happen to wear one myself, but I think I'm a little bit of a poser cause I just wear it around my neck
-how large their pack is, if they even have one. Good hikers prepare well for long hikes. You don't take 2 12 oz water bottles on a 10 mile hike
-time of day. The best hikers leave super early in the morning (5-7:30 am) because most scenic hikes in the summer have quite a bit of sun exposure. Now this one is flexible depending on location. But here in the desert, you know the common tourist from the seasoned hiker just depending on what time of day they're out. Me and Sharon started up Angel's Landing at 7:20 and beat most people and, for the most part, didn't have to deal with the sun beating down on us/dehydration/heat stroke.
Isn't that wild? I mean, that last one actually makes some sense, but I am SO judgemental! I also just happen to respect road bike riders who happen to have sweet old school style road bikes. Bonus points if they are wearing Tom's Shoes WHILE biking ON THEIR WAY to farmer's market. That's another one: buying locally/organically/vegetarian/farmer's market. Weird right? I just respect people more because of where they shop/what that eat.
Why the heck do I judge people by such arbitrary standards? Why do I care? And yet Landon doesn't really do any of those things and I love him most. Why? (well duh, because he's just amazing and wonderful:)
So there you have it. I judge and respect people based on what they wear on their feet, form of transportation, hiking standards, and food/water standards.
I don't know about you, but that seems pretty pathetic to me.
And my goal this summer was to become more genuine. I think part of that would be to judge people based on character. I would like to think I actually do that, but I can't be sure. I guess the best plan would be not to judge at all, but everybody does, and you know you'll end up judging some way or another. So how do you determine a non-judgmental way to judge?
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Best Weekend Ever
This past weekend Landon came. It was the best weekend ever. He brought me a whole bunch of stuff and made me the most wonderful book ever. It's called "A Lovely Love Story, as told by Landon." It's the best book ever. It makes me SO happy! We went and saw the petroglyphs and hiked Hidden Canyon and the Narrows. We went to see Transformers 2, which was not the best, but special for us, since the first time we ever hung out was to watch the first one with a group of friends.
Just seeing him and being able to be around him and hug him was so nice. I'm sad I had to say goodbye, but it was a wonderful weekend. It was actually like a mini vacation for me too, because we hung out Thursday afternoon, all day Friday and Saturday, and Sunday morning. It was simply wonderful.
I miss him already.
Just seeing him and being able to be around him and hug him was so nice. I'm sad I had to say goodbye, but it was a wonderful weekend. It was actually like a mini vacation for me too, because we hung out Thursday afternoon, all day Friday and Saturday, and Sunday morning. It was simply wonderful.
I miss him already.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Love of Pure Nature, Hatred of Human Nature
Ok so first off, I need to describe this crazy hike we did.
Nix that. I really don't feel like describing the whole thing, so I'll just give the spark notes version. So the first part of the hike is really steep and I always get embarrassingly out of breath, so I try not to talk a whole bunch. We finally got to the mouth of the canyon, where the hike unofficially ends. They stop maintaining it there. You can go on if you want though. It's pretty flat to start out with, just sand and the occasional boulder to climb up or around. Eventually, you find a freestanding arch, which is pretty cool, but nothing like Arches National Park or Moab.
Let me just stop to say this. It just feels pointless to even describe this hike because its the most amazing, dangerous, interesting, scary, mind boggling, beautiful, hike I've ever been on. Words cease to describe it. I kept stopping to remind myself to remember this moment, this place, this beauty. Because I may never hike it again. The farther up we went, the less footprints we saw. And eventually, we wondered when the last people had been there. Earlier that day? The day before? A week before? A month? A year? Never? This is the most secluded place in the world.
We began climbing pretty easy things we figured we could get up, and make it back down. But eventually, we came to a spot we didn't know how to get up, and if we did make it, how would we get back down? We were getting ready to turn around, when some canyoneering guides just happened to catch up with us! How perfect, right? We ended up leaving our backpacks there, and the older guy, who was like 60 and in better shape than us, helped us through. Time and time again, when we thought there was to way to make it up, he found a seemingly impassible route and then talked us through it. A couple times, he pulled me up. Once, he jammed himself between two rocks, stuck his leg out, and had us use it like the missing rung on a ladder. It was amazing. He was totally gung-ho about the whole thing like this is the kind of thing you do every day. Soon enough, I found that I could use my elbows, knees, and fingers for much more than originally thought. Its an amazing feeling, rediscovering what your body was created for. This man was seriously amazing. He made it up everything I thought impossible and without a second thought. Every time he got to something difficult he just considered it more fun. We agreed that if there's a little bit of blood, that means you had just the right amount of fun. Eventually, we decided to turn back. We told them and thanked them a million times for helping us so much and they kept going. The hike ended up being 5 or 5 1/2 hours round trip. Amazing and totally worth it. Hidden Canyon.
Sometimes I wonder if God is like that man. Knowing the trail, and helping us get through the parts we don't know how to navigate. Stretching us way past our comfort zones. Right now, I like that man more than I like God. I guess I just hate the way religion makes people act. The monsters it creates.
Exhibit A. The other night, there was this band of boys, 3 in all from the SF Bay area who are in a bluegrass band and played a concert for us. They stayed a couple days, and that first night after their concert we went on a night hike to Canyon Overlook. It's really not super impressive in the dark except for the awesome echoes, and how long it takes for rock to hit the bottom when you throw it over the edge. Me and Blake had some really good talks. While everybody else was talking candy, X men, and super powers, we talked books, college, music, religion, and other random stuff. At one point they told us we were being too intellectual. Honestly one of the girls was just kind of being mean and everything I said was wrong, so me and Blake just had our own conversation. Of late, I actually really enjoy talking to atheists and agnostics about religion, the latter of which Blake was.
Earlier, we had been telling him about something funny some of us had done. I can't even remember it now. He asked if we had been drunk. I laughed and told him something to the effect of "Yeah, um pretty much everybody here except me and like two other people are mormon, and they don't do the drinking and smoking thing so that's not really possible." Kosher, right? Harmless, right? Apparently not.
Later that evening (around 2am), one of the girls who had come on the trip facebooks me and tells me that she doesn't appreciate me making fun of her religion. What?! So apparently she didn't like the way that I had explained that mormons don't drink or smoke. I tried to remember when she was talking about and reiterated what I remembered saying. She said it was my tone of voice. Are you kidding me? So apparently I offended her because I mistakenly informed this guy about mormonism with the wrong tone of voice. And she is telling me all this over facebook chat at 2am. Really? REALLY?! I mean come on. I'm not stupid enough to bash people right in front of their faces unless they are acting really stupid. And if there was any condescending tone in my voice, it was probably me laughing at the idea that this guy would accuse these girls of drunkenness. It made me so mad. I had to apologize for something I was wrongfully accused of. And all over facebook. I feel like that is a total cop-out. And the way she said it was kind of rude too. It was something to the effect of, "Just so we're clear, I'm not ok with you bashing my religion." What? Really?!
Did you ever care to ask me about my religion? Did you ever think about what it's like to not be mormon but not be able to go to church here because all there is here is mormon churches? Did you ever stop to wonder why I'm not going to church? Did you ever think before asking me which ward I'm in? Did you ever stop and wonder why I'm not LDS? Did you ever think before automatically writing me off as the devil because I'm not LDS? Did you ever consider being accepting of people unlike yourself?
Apparently not.
Sometimes being so surrounded by these people makes me want to smoke and drink and do other "unholy" things just to purge my system of all this fake cleanliness. Me and Tiff and Brit were talking about how everyone here is so concerned with appearances and how they look to everyone else. There is so much gossip. I feel like everybody is concerned with how they look to everybody else and nobody really cares about anybody else's heart. Tiff and Brit are the only people here who even wondered why I haven't been to church since March.
I miss hanging out with Landon and having him understand me completely. I miss coffee dates with Nathan where we could be real and just be. I miss hanging out with David and Gretchen knowing they are some of the only people I can be truly honest with. I miss finally laying it all out with Spencer after a year of talking but never really saying anything. I miss being real. I've forgotten how. I wand to re-find, redefine, retrace the lines, the steps, the feelings, the emotions, the colors that make me. I don't know who I am. And this summer the only thing I'm learning is who I'm not. I am entirely not mormon. And maybe sometimes definitions come from binary oppositions, but still, I already knew I am not mormon.
I had a dream that night. I was on a train, and I had to escape somehow, but the only place to hide was a prison. Then I was wrongfully accused of something and they were going to throw me in this high-security prison for something I didn't do. Right before I was supposed to go in, Ross shows up with a box and a blanket. I ask him what the heck he's doing, and he replies, well how else are you gonna get out of here. So I climb in the box, he puts the blanket over me, and sneaks me out of a high security prison, just like that. What the heck? I know, right?
So I wonder if the train is the train wreck that was me last school year. I escaped when it finally ended, but not without swine flu. Then I "escaped" here, but I'm imprisoned by outdated rules and preconceived notions. I was wrongfully accused of "bashing" mormonism, among other things. Ross trys so hard (and sometimes succeeds) to be a badass. He told me the other night that yes, he drinks, he smokes, he doesn't read his Bible or pray like he should and he doesn't do everything on the checklist, but he feels closer to God than he ever has before. And somehow that is supposed to set me free from this psychological prison.
But I don't get how that is really supposed to work. I mean, I already 86ed the checklist a long time ago. And I don't know where to go from here. I don't know what I believe or if I even care. I'm either apathetic or angry at God. I'm not really wiling to pray or submit myself to him. Some would call that pride. Others would call it disillusionment with a cookie-cutter christian life. Some would call it reality. I don't have a name for it. I don't know what it is and I don't know what to think. I would like to think its just a passing phase, but now I don't know. I've never known depression, disillusionment, anger, and apathy to last this long.
I guess I don't know how to end this entry. It started out so chill and upbeat. I wish I knew who I wanted to be so I could start becoming that person. I want to be the postmodern girl who wears the fashionable black-rimmed glasses. I want to be the girl who looks awesome in her funky outfits--put together, standing out, but not too trendy. The one who clothes shops at urban outfitters and vintage shops. Who finds all her furniture at antique stores for awesome prices. The chic hippie vegetarian who buys locally and grocery shops at the farmer's market but still shaves and wears deodorant. The girl with an angels voice and sweet dance moves. The girls who has a sense of humor and can laugh at herself. The girl who is dating the most amazing man ever. The girl who is happy with herself. Comfortable with herself. The girl who is accepting of all. The girl who never judges others the way she has been judged. The girl who is a good listener, who you know you can always call. The girl who longboards. The girl who runs/bikes godawful distances. The girl who is a wicked sweet skier. The girl who writes amazingly and gets published all the time. The girl who lives in a downtown metropolis. The girl who hangs out at coffee shops for disgusting amounts of time and starts to write stories about the regulars. The girl who no longer has an eating disorder but knows what it is like. The girl who occasionally smokes mini cigars and drinks a beer but never touches drugs or gets drunk. The girl who glows. The girl who is beautiful, not because of the makeup she puts on, the clothes she wears, or the way she styles her hair, but because she is simply lovely.
Yeah. I guess that's who I wanna be. I know. A lot of those are totally stupid and don't really matter much. And I've already achieved some of them. Like being the girl who is dating the most amazing man ever. That one just kind of happened. And I couldn't be happier with it. I noticed something interesting. This past year completely wreaked me. It broke me emotionally, scholastically, spiritually, socially, maybe even psychologically. But through it all, my relationship with Landon only grew stronger and closer. "A Lovely Love Story" by Edward Monkton. Go to the store. Buy it. Read it. Keep it. Read it again.
I don't have much else to say. I guess that's it for tonight. Sufjan Stevens "Chicago" is amazing.
Good night all.
Nix that. I really don't feel like describing the whole thing, so I'll just give the spark notes version. So the first part of the hike is really steep and I always get embarrassingly out of breath, so I try not to talk a whole bunch. We finally got to the mouth of the canyon, where the hike unofficially ends. They stop maintaining it there. You can go on if you want though. It's pretty flat to start out with, just sand and the occasional boulder to climb up or around. Eventually, you find a freestanding arch, which is pretty cool, but nothing like Arches National Park or Moab.
Let me just stop to say this. It just feels pointless to even describe this hike because its the most amazing, dangerous, interesting, scary, mind boggling, beautiful, hike I've ever been on. Words cease to describe it. I kept stopping to remind myself to remember this moment, this place, this beauty. Because I may never hike it again. The farther up we went, the less footprints we saw. And eventually, we wondered when the last people had been there. Earlier that day? The day before? A week before? A month? A year? Never? This is the most secluded place in the world.
We began climbing pretty easy things we figured we could get up, and make it back down. But eventually, we came to a spot we didn't know how to get up, and if we did make it, how would we get back down? We were getting ready to turn around, when some canyoneering guides just happened to catch up with us! How perfect, right? We ended up leaving our backpacks there, and the older guy, who was like 60 and in better shape than us, helped us through. Time and time again, when we thought there was to way to make it up, he found a seemingly impassible route and then talked us through it. A couple times, he pulled me up. Once, he jammed himself between two rocks, stuck his leg out, and had us use it like the missing rung on a ladder. It was amazing. He was totally gung-ho about the whole thing like this is the kind of thing you do every day. Soon enough, I found that I could use my elbows, knees, and fingers for much more than originally thought. Its an amazing feeling, rediscovering what your body was created for. This man was seriously amazing. He made it up everything I thought impossible and without a second thought. Every time he got to something difficult he just considered it more fun. We agreed that if there's a little bit of blood, that means you had just the right amount of fun. Eventually, we decided to turn back. We told them and thanked them a million times for helping us so much and they kept going. The hike ended up being 5 or 5 1/2 hours round trip. Amazing and totally worth it. Hidden Canyon.
Sometimes I wonder if God is like that man. Knowing the trail, and helping us get through the parts we don't know how to navigate. Stretching us way past our comfort zones. Right now, I like that man more than I like God. I guess I just hate the way religion makes people act. The monsters it creates.
Exhibit A. The other night, there was this band of boys, 3 in all from the SF Bay area who are in a bluegrass band and played a concert for us. They stayed a couple days, and that first night after their concert we went on a night hike to Canyon Overlook. It's really not super impressive in the dark except for the awesome echoes, and how long it takes for rock to hit the bottom when you throw it over the edge. Me and Blake had some really good talks. While everybody else was talking candy, X men, and super powers, we talked books, college, music, religion, and other random stuff. At one point they told us we were being too intellectual. Honestly one of the girls was just kind of being mean and everything I said was wrong, so me and Blake just had our own conversation. Of late, I actually really enjoy talking to atheists and agnostics about religion, the latter of which Blake was.
Earlier, we had been telling him about something funny some of us had done. I can't even remember it now. He asked if we had been drunk. I laughed and told him something to the effect of "Yeah, um pretty much everybody here except me and like two other people are mormon, and they don't do the drinking and smoking thing so that's not really possible." Kosher, right? Harmless, right? Apparently not.
Later that evening (around 2am), one of the girls who had come on the trip facebooks me and tells me that she doesn't appreciate me making fun of her religion. What?! So apparently she didn't like the way that I had explained that mormons don't drink or smoke. I tried to remember when she was talking about and reiterated what I remembered saying. She said it was my tone of voice. Are you kidding me? So apparently I offended her because I mistakenly informed this guy about mormonism with the wrong tone of voice. And she is telling me all this over facebook chat at 2am. Really? REALLY?! I mean come on. I'm not stupid enough to bash people right in front of their faces unless they are acting really stupid. And if there was any condescending tone in my voice, it was probably me laughing at the idea that this guy would accuse these girls of drunkenness. It made me so mad. I had to apologize for something I was wrongfully accused of. And all over facebook. I feel like that is a total cop-out. And the way she said it was kind of rude too. It was something to the effect of, "Just so we're clear, I'm not ok with you bashing my religion." What? Really?!
Did you ever care to ask me about my religion? Did you ever think about what it's like to not be mormon but not be able to go to church here because all there is here is mormon churches? Did you ever stop to wonder why I'm not going to church? Did you ever think before asking me which ward I'm in? Did you ever stop and wonder why I'm not LDS? Did you ever think before automatically writing me off as the devil because I'm not LDS? Did you ever consider being accepting of people unlike yourself?
Apparently not.
Sometimes being so surrounded by these people makes me want to smoke and drink and do other "unholy" things just to purge my system of all this fake cleanliness. Me and Tiff and Brit were talking about how everyone here is so concerned with appearances and how they look to everyone else. There is so much gossip. I feel like everybody is concerned with how they look to everybody else and nobody really cares about anybody else's heart. Tiff and Brit are the only people here who even wondered why I haven't been to church since March.
I miss hanging out with Landon and having him understand me completely. I miss coffee dates with Nathan where we could be real and just be. I miss hanging out with David and Gretchen knowing they are some of the only people I can be truly honest with. I miss finally laying it all out with Spencer after a year of talking but never really saying anything. I miss being real. I've forgotten how. I wand to re-find, redefine, retrace the lines, the steps, the feelings, the emotions, the colors that make me. I don't know who I am. And this summer the only thing I'm learning is who I'm not. I am entirely not mormon. And maybe sometimes definitions come from binary oppositions, but still, I already knew I am not mormon.
I had a dream that night. I was on a train, and I had to escape somehow, but the only place to hide was a prison. Then I was wrongfully accused of something and they were going to throw me in this high-security prison for something I didn't do. Right before I was supposed to go in, Ross shows up with a box and a blanket. I ask him what the heck he's doing, and he replies, well how else are you gonna get out of here. So I climb in the box, he puts the blanket over me, and sneaks me out of a high security prison, just like that. What the heck? I know, right?
So I wonder if the train is the train wreck that was me last school year. I escaped when it finally ended, but not without swine flu. Then I "escaped" here, but I'm imprisoned by outdated rules and preconceived notions. I was wrongfully accused of "bashing" mormonism, among other things. Ross trys so hard (and sometimes succeeds) to be a badass. He told me the other night that yes, he drinks, he smokes, he doesn't read his Bible or pray like he should and he doesn't do everything on the checklist, but he feels closer to God than he ever has before. And somehow that is supposed to set me free from this psychological prison.
But I don't get how that is really supposed to work. I mean, I already 86ed the checklist a long time ago. And I don't know where to go from here. I don't know what I believe or if I even care. I'm either apathetic or angry at God. I'm not really wiling to pray or submit myself to him. Some would call that pride. Others would call it disillusionment with a cookie-cutter christian life. Some would call it reality. I don't have a name for it. I don't know what it is and I don't know what to think. I would like to think its just a passing phase, but now I don't know. I've never known depression, disillusionment, anger, and apathy to last this long.
I guess I don't know how to end this entry. It started out so chill and upbeat. I wish I knew who I wanted to be so I could start becoming that person. I want to be the postmodern girl who wears the fashionable black-rimmed glasses. I want to be the girl who looks awesome in her funky outfits--put together, standing out, but not too trendy. The one who clothes shops at urban outfitters and vintage shops. Who finds all her furniture at antique stores for awesome prices. The chic hippie vegetarian who buys locally and grocery shops at the farmer's market but still shaves and wears deodorant. The girl with an angels voice and sweet dance moves. The girls who has a sense of humor and can laugh at herself. The girl who is dating the most amazing man ever. The girl who is happy with herself. Comfortable with herself. The girl who is accepting of all. The girl who never judges others the way she has been judged. The girl who is a good listener, who you know you can always call. The girl who longboards. The girl who runs/bikes godawful distances. The girl who is a wicked sweet skier. The girl who writes amazingly and gets published all the time. The girl who lives in a downtown metropolis. The girl who hangs out at coffee shops for disgusting amounts of time and starts to write stories about the regulars. The girl who no longer has an eating disorder but knows what it is like. The girl who occasionally smokes mini cigars and drinks a beer but never touches drugs or gets drunk. The girl who glows. The girl who is beautiful, not because of the makeup she puts on, the clothes she wears, or the way she styles her hair, but because she is simply lovely.
Yeah. I guess that's who I wanna be. I know. A lot of those are totally stupid and don't really matter much. And I've already achieved some of them. Like being the girl who is dating the most amazing man ever. That one just kind of happened. And I couldn't be happier with it. I noticed something interesting. This past year completely wreaked me. It broke me emotionally, scholastically, spiritually, socially, maybe even psychologically. But through it all, my relationship with Landon only grew stronger and closer. "A Lovely Love Story" by Edward Monkton. Go to the store. Buy it. Read it. Keep it. Read it again.
I don't have much else to say. I guess that's it for tonight. Sufjan Stevens "Chicago" is amazing.
Good night all.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Um, another slice of amazing, please?
Life is seriously amazing. Holy f-ing crap. Ok where to start?
Dude.
So the other night (being a Tuesday) I had gone on an afternoon swim and was too lazy to change, so still wearing my swimsuit around 10, Marci asks me if I wanna go hot-tubbing. Being the relaxation-loving person I am, and already fully dressed for the occaision, I happily obliged. Marci kept a watch over the pool/hot tub area, and I went to get more people. Well the employee lounge was dark and empty. So I walk into the recreation barn, where there are a bunch of mexican men who speak little to no english, and motion swimming to them and the all look at each other and start talking about (I assume) it being locked because it's "closed." However, what they DO NOT know is that technically, staff can get in whenever they want. So I motion to them that we have a key and make my way upstairs to invite a couple more people. Lionel follows me and asks "You go NOW?!" and I tried to explain that I was just getting more people. You try explaining to a non-english speaker that you are going to try to find more people that are awake to go and swim with you. I finally told him 5 minutes and that was satisfactory.
It was SO fun! Lionel and Rauol (sp?) came and we played around in the pool, treading water, having hand stand competitions, and such and eventually ended up in the hot tub. We were teaching each other words in english and spanish and I seriously had a blast. It was a great time, even though we had the language barrier. I think playing is a universal language.
Lost my debit card. That sucks.
Next day, Grand Canyon. Ah-mazing. Except for kind of getting left behind but getting taken home by a sweet newlywed couple who happened to be coworkers and TOTALLY being the third wheel while they were all lovey-dovey fake fighting for 2.5 hours in the car. Thank you. So much.
So is it possible to hike your brains out? I may have done that today (and by today I mean thursday. It's not really friday till I go to bed and wake up again). Today me and Tiff and Brit went into the park and were gonna go hiking. But there was a leak at the Lodge, so we hiked from where we parked to the visitors center, which is like 1.5 miles. Then once all the gas leak drama was over, we took the shuttle and did Hidden Canyon. I'll tell you that much, but I seriously have to go to bed. So I'll talk more on the hike (slash rock climbing!), band/another hike, and appearances tomorrow. Beddie bye. Nighty night.
Peace yo.
Dude.
So the other night (being a Tuesday) I had gone on an afternoon swim and was too lazy to change, so still wearing my swimsuit around 10, Marci asks me if I wanna go hot-tubbing. Being the relaxation-loving person I am, and already fully dressed for the occaision, I happily obliged. Marci kept a watch over the pool/hot tub area, and I went to get more people. Well the employee lounge was dark and empty. So I walk into the recreation barn, where there are a bunch of mexican men who speak little to no english, and motion swimming to them and the all look at each other and start talking about (I assume) it being locked because it's "closed." However, what they DO NOT know is that technically, staff can get in whenever they want. So I motion to them that we have a key and make my way upstairs to invite a couple more people. Lionel follows me and asks "You go NOW?!" and I tried to explain that I was just getting more people. You try explaining to a non-english speaker that you are going to try to find more people that are awake to go and swim with you. I finally told him 5 minutes and that was satisfactory.
It was SO fun! Lionel and Rauol (sp?) came and we played around in the pool, treading water, having hand stand competitions, and such and eventually ended up in the hot tub. We were teaching each other words in english and spanish and I seriously had a blast. It was a great time, even though we had the language barrier. I think playing is a universal language.
Lost my debit card. That sucks.
Next day, Grand Canyon. Ah-mazing. Except for kind of getting left behind but getting taken home by a sweet newlywed couple who happened to be coworkers and TOTALLY being the third wheel while they were all lovey-dovey fake fighting for 2.5 hours in the car. Thank you. So much.
So is it possible to hike your brains out? I may have done that today (and by today I mean thursday. It's not really friday till I go to bed and wake up again). Today me and Tiff and Brit went into the park and were gonna go hiking. But there was a leak at the Lodge, so we hiked from where we parked to the visitors center, which is like 1.5 miles. Then once all the gas leak drama was over, we took the shuttle and did Hidden Canyon. I'll tell you that much, but I seriously have to go to bed. So I'll talk more on the hike (slash rock climbing!), band/another hike, and appearances tomorrow. Beddie bye. Nighty night.
Peace yo.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Schmorgisboard
So rewind to Tuesday night. I'm just getting off work. It's about 10:45 pm. I walk into my apartment and I'm getting ready to change out of my work clothes and put jammies on when a girl bursts into the room and says "Hey, Shawn, wanna go get SLURPEES?" I ask where, and she says Kanab (35 minute drive each way). I think to myself, well I don't work until 2:30 tomorrow, why not?
So we all jam ourselves into Adella's (one of my co-workers) car, 2 in the front, four in the back. I think I had about 4 square inches of seat to myself. We sang our hearts out to almost every song on Backstreet Boys Millenium. Ah-mazing. It was hilarious and I was so surprised/slightly embarrassed I remembered like ALL the words! I haven't listened to that music in at least 5 years. But then we put in other CDs and sang to those too. Another big favorite was "Unwritten." Good song. So we FINALLY get to Kanab, go inside this gas station, and there are NO SLURPEES!! But the clerk told us there were across the street, so we run across the highway at like midnight, grab slurpees, all the while screaming and hooting like crazy people, then run back to gas station no. 1 to load up on snacks (buffet for 3 meals a day = :( ). I think the clerk was pretty sure we were drunk. Heck, I was thinking if I wasn't with a whole bunch of momos they were drunk. Seriously, I thought maybe somebody slipped something in EVERYONE'S water or something. But yeah. I had a short little conversation with the clerk about primetimes which was fun, and then we went outside for a short round of "Big Booty." Unfortunately, that ended prematurely because Lonnie has too little experience with it, didn't get it, and we somehow ended up picking her every time.
We drove home, singing our hearts out the whole way. Tons of fun. Too much fun.
Fast forward, pause. Thursday morning.
We decided to hike part of the Narrows, which is named for the narrow canyon the Virgin river has carved. This hike is a mile of dry trail, and then it ends at the river. After that, you literally hike up a river. The whole thing is 14-16 miles round trip and to do it from top to bottom or up and down you have to buy a permit. We were just going to go up for an hour or two, and then turn back around.
On the way into the park, there is a tunnel is 1.1 miles long, and they often have to stop traffic so trailers and RVs can get through since it's low clearance. We arrived at the tunnel and learned that we would have to wait 5-7 minutes. So what would any self-respecting hardcore hiking girls do? Dance party of course. We blasted our music, jumped out of the car, and started dancing in the street! We got quite a few looks. It was one of the most fun things I've ever done. The ranger manning the tunnel thought it was pretty great too. We took some pretty sweet pics and videos.
The Narrows was beautiful. To say anything else would be to diminish the beauty of something indescribable.
On the shuttle ride back to the car, we sang a bunch of songs and actually got applause. Some people started singing along. That was pretty fun.
That night, I played tennis for the first time in my life. I played on an off for about 3 hours. My arm still hurts. It was really fun though. I wanna learn to play more.
I started learning the Thriller dance in honor of our fallen pop star. Ok please, just let me say this. Yes, in his later years, he made his fair share of mistakes and did a lot of nasty things, but that doesn't change the fact that Michael Jackson is the King of Pop and from Jackson 5 to the Thriller and beyond, nobody can deny his amazing talent and dance moves. I hope to someday dance like him.
In other news, there are a lot of mormons here.
I miss Landon. A lot.
So we all jam ourselves into Adella's (one of my co-workers) car, 2 in the front, four in the back. I think I had about 4 square inches of seat to myself. We sang our hearts out to almost every song on Backstreet Boys Millenium. Ah-mazing. It was hilarious and I was so surprised/slightly embarrassed I remembered like ALL the words! I haven't listened to that music in at least 5 years. But then we put in other CDs and sang to those too. Another big favorite was "Unwritten." Good song. So we FINALLY get to Kanab, go inside this gas station, and there are NO SLURPEES!! But the clerk told us there were across the street, so we run across the highway at like midnight, grab slurpees, all the while screaming and hooting like crazy people, then run back to gas station no. 1 to load up on snacks (buffet for 3 meals a day = :( ). I think the clerk was pretty sure we were drunk. Heck, I was thinking if I wasn't with a whole bunch of momos they were drunk. Seriously, I thought maybe somebody slipped something in EVERYONE'S water or something. But yeah. I had a short little conversation with the clerk about primetimes which was fun, and then we went outside for a short round of "Big Booty." Unfortunately, that ended prematurely because Lonnie has too little experience with it, didn't get it, and we somehow ended up picking her every time.
We drove home, singing our hearts out the whole way. Tons of fun. Too much fun.
Fast forward, pause. Thursday morning.
We decided to hike part of the Narrows, which is named for the narrow canyon the Virgin river has carved. This hike is a mile of dry trail, and then it ends at the river. After that, you literally hike up a river. The whole thing is 14-16 miles round trip and to do it from top to bottom or up and down you have to buy a permit. We were just going to go up for an hour or two, and then turn back around.
On the way into the park, there is a tunnel is 1.1 miles long, and they often have to stop traffic so trailers and RVs can get through since it's low clearance. We arrived at the tunnel and learned that we would have to wait 5-7 minutes. So what would any self-respecting hardcore hiking girls do? Dance party of course. We blasted our music, jumped out of the car, and started dancing in the street! We got quite a few looks. It was one of the most fun things I've ever done. The ranger manning the tunnel thought it was pretty great too. We took some pretty sweet pics and videos.
The Narrows was beautiful. To say anything else would be to diminish the beauty of something indescribable.
On the shuttle ride back to the car, we sang a bunch of songs and actually got applause. Some people started singing along. That was pretty fun.
That night, I played tennis for the first time in my life. I played on an off for about 3 hours. My arm still hurts. It was really fun though. I wanna learn to play more.
I started learning the Thriller dance in honor of our fallen pop star. Ok please, just let me say this. Yes, in his later years, he made his fair share of mistakes and did a lot of nasty things, but that doesn't change the fact that Michael Jackson is the King of Pop and from Jackson 5 to the Thriller and beyond, nobody can deny his amazing talent and dance moves. I hope to someday dance like him.
In other news, there are a lot of mormons here.
I miss Landon. A lot.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Soooo, the stars here are amazing. Like nothing you've ever seen before. Promise. The other night, I was sitting outside chatting with Danny, and we were both amazed at how amazingly beautiful and clear the stars were, and then somebody turned off some gigantic flood light, and we could seen twice as many stars. I can't even explain it. I saw 2 shooting stars within like a half hour.
Yesterday I went with Marci and her cousin to go see petroglyphs in the park. It was seriously amazing. It's this completely unmarked path that a couple people who work here told me about. You basically hike down this riverbed for awhile and then find a random trail from there, and all of a sudden, in the middle of nowhere, there's a few signs about ancient carvings in the walls by the Western (?) Paiutes and Freemonts. It was amazing. Seriously. There were a whole bunch. A bunch of swirls, stick figures, and animals for the most part. It was so cool! I wish I could have known the stories that went along with them. It was seriously cool though.
Today work was work. I worked morning shift, which is usually pretty chill, but it totally wasn't today. It was so busy I could barely keep my thoughts straight. Plus Robyn, my coworker was sick, so I had to actually do some work, which was actually good for me. I feel like I'm learning and getting better at this job, but there are still so many things I don't know how to do! Sometimes I seriously feel like I'll never understand half of this job. Working with Robyn is a little stressful. I can't figure out why. I guess I kind of feel like every time I make a mistake she points it out and tells me what I should have done. I mean, that's probably good because I'll figure things out quicker, but it also makes me feel pretty inept sometimes.
I really miss Landon. Surprise surprise!
The other day one of the Mormon girls asked me why I wasn't mormon. Oh boy, I thought. Ok she didn't exactly ask it like that, but that's what she was asking. I warned her and apologized in advance if I was going to offend her. Basically I told her:
-The Bible is the most historically accurate document in existence. Archeologists in the Middle East use it as their guidebook. There is now secular historical evidence of the Hitites, an old Testament tribe, which the Bible describes and refers to multiple times.
-The Book of Mormon is not so reliable. There is no evidence of the Nephites or Lamanites or elephants, horses, or wheat at the time the Joseph Smith said (or the Book of Mormon says). Historians have done a lot of research and digging on this topic. No evidence.
-A lot of what I've seen is based on feelings.
"So why do you believe what you believe?"
"Because I know it's true."
"How do you know?"
"I just do."
"How?"
"I can just feel it."
"So if I really really feel that Australia doesn't exist since I can't see it, does that mean it doesn't, because I don't feel like it should?"
-I've been to Mormon church and didn't particularly like it.
-A "testimony" basically consists of saying that you "testify" that the Book of Mormon is true, that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God, etc. Stating all of it as truth. As much as I used to disagree with the following statement, there is no way I can prove a religion is true. There is no way I can prove that God exists. There is no way I can say that it isn't a bunch of religious hogwash. There is nothing that I can do to prove it's not bullshit. All I can say is "this is what I believe." That's it. Perfect example, as I was saying that specific sentence, one of the girls walked up, stopped for a second, said, "Well I know it's true." And then walked away. Thanks for proving my point. Truth is truth. What I do or don't believe can in no way change the truth.
-The checklist. Need I say more?
Yeah so that was pretty much it. I was like, hmm this sucks. At that point I kind of wished I'd just said that I'd done my research and wasn't interested. But oh well. I felt uncomfortable, and like I'd said too much, but not enough, and that nobody cared what I really thought. Oh well. At least now a couple people know.
I told another couple people that I smoke cigars on occasion. One of the girls that I for sure thought would think I was the devil was like "Oh, I didn't know that you didn't inhale pipes or cigars." Like it was no big deal. That was fun.
Right now there is a barn dance with enough country music to make me vomit, hence I am hiding in my room. Tomorrow is Sunday, so I'm hoping it will be slower.
I am dying of protein deficiency.
Oh, and I got a 50 minute Swedish massage yesterday for $35 and it was amazing! Let me tell you, sleeping without back pain for the first time in months is truly a treat.
Best of all, I got to talk to Landon today, and that seriously made my day. Life is good now. Peace out yo.
Yesterday I went with Marci and her cousin to go see petroglyphs in the park. It was seriously amazing. It's this completely unmarked path that a couple people who work here told me about. You basically hike down this riverbed for awhile and then find a random trail from there, and all of a sudden, in the middle of nowhere, there's a few signs about ancient carvings in the walls by the Western (?) Paiutes and Freemonts. It was amazing. Seriously. There were a whole bunch. A bunch of swirls, stick figures, and animals for the most part. It was so cool! I wish I could have known the stories that went along with them. It was seriously cool though.
Today work was work. I worked morning shift, which is usually pretty chill, but it totally wasn't today. It was so busy I could barely keep my thoughts straight. Plus Robyn, my coworker was sick, so I had to actually do some work, which was actually good for me. I feel like I'm learning and getting better at this job, but there are still so many things I don't know how to do! Sometimes I seriously feel like I'll never understand half of this job. Working with Robyn is a little stressful. I can't figure out why. I guess I kind of feel like every time I make a mistake she points it out and tells me what I should have done. I mean, that's probably good because I'll figure things out quicker, but it also makes me feel pretty inept sometimes.
I really miss Landon. Surprise surprise!
The other day one of the Mormon girls asked me why I wasn't mormon. Oh boy, I thought. Ok she didn't exactly ask it like that, but that's what she was asking. I warned her and apologized in advance if I was going to offend her. Basically I told her:
-The Bible is the most historically accurate document in existence. Archeologists in the Middle East use it as their guidebook. There is now secular historical evidence of the Hitites, an old Testament tribe, which the Bible describes and refers to multiple times.
-The Book of Mormon is not so reliable. There is no evidence of the Nephites or Lamanites or elephants, horses, or wheat at the time the Joseph Smith said (or the Book of Mormon says). Historians have done a lot of research and digging on this topic. No evidence.
-A lot of what I've seen is based on feelings.
"So why do you believe what you believe?"
"Because I know it's true."
"How do you know?"
"I just do."
"How?"
"I can just feel it."
"So if I really really feel that Australia doesn't exist since I can't see it, does that mean it doesn't, because I don't feel like it should?"
-I've been to Mormon church and didn't particularly like it.
-A "testimony" basically consists of saying that you "testify" that the Book of Mormon is true, that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God, etc. Stating all of it as truth. As much as I used to disagree with the following statement, there is no way I can prove a religion is true. There is no way I can prove that God exists. There is no way I can say that it isn't a bunch of religious hogwash. There is nothing that I can do to prove it's not bullshit. All I can say is "this is what I believe." That's it. Perfect example, as I was saying that specific sentence, one of the girls walked up, stopped for a second, said, "Well I know it's true." And then walked away. Thanks for proving my point. Truth is truth. What I do or don't believe can in no way change the truth.
-The checklist. Need I say more?
Yeah so that was pretty much it. I was like, hmm this sucks. At that point I kind of wished I'd just said that I'd done my research and wasn't interested. But oh well. I felt uncomfortable, and like I'd said too much, but not enough, and that nobody cared what I really thought. Oh well. At least now a couple people know.
I told another couple people that I smoke cigars on occasion. One of the girls that I for sure thought would think I was the devil was like "Oh, I didn't know that you didn't inhale pipes or cigars." Like it was no big deal. That was fun.
Right now there is a barn dance with enough country music to make me vomit, hence I am hiding in my room. Tomorrow is Sunday, so I'm hoping it will be slower.
I am dying of protein deficiency.
Oh, and I got a 50 minute Swedish massage yesterday for $35 and it was amazing! Let me tell you, sleeping without back pain for the first time in months is truly a treat.
Best of all, I got to talk to Landon today, and that seriously made my day. Life is good now. Peace out yo.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Emphasis on "Socially"
So I smoked one of my mini cigars last night. Alone. It was lonely.
I don't know if I can take this stress.
My heart hurts.
I don't know if I can take this stress.
My heart hurts.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Mustard Update (with a juicy veggie dog)
Ok so I heard yesterday that Danny, the worker from Mexico that taught himself English in a year, left for good. I was really upset, but I was glad he was on to bigger and better things. But I saw him today. I asked him if he left and he said he did, but they (management) called him and asked him to come back. So he told them all the things he didn't like and they told him they would fix it. I asked him if that meant him and the other Mexican workers didn't have to pay for meals anymore and he said no! I was so excited! They don't have to take any of our management bullshit anymore because Danny finally took a stand! That was totally the highlight of my day. That and joking with Ross over facebook chat about mormons thinking I'm the devil because I smoke mini cigars socially from time to time. Good times. Ok, gotta go practice my 9-ball skills. Peace.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Difficulties
I don't know how long I can do this. Working full time is hard. The longest I've ever worked full time was for a sign making company for three weeks. This job is really stressful. We don't get any breaks. Except for the occasional 10-15 minutes for lunch or dinner and that's not every day. There's a lot of responsibility. Not having breaks for 8 hours straight is really hard, even though when it's slow I can get on Facebook or e-mail sporadically.
I really, really miss Landon. That's for sure the hardest part.
Technically, this place is required by law to give us breaks, but we don't get them. They also don't pay overtime. Technically at the front desk we have it pretty easy. The kids camp workers work at least 8 and a half hours every day and the wranglers work even more. At least we get paid for the hours we work at the front desk, we just don't get paid 150% like we should.
People have been dropping like flies since I've gotten here. At least 3 people have left in the past week. And if you want to leave, the management doesn't care. They have a huge stack of applicants and they basically tell you you're a dime a dozen and that if you leave they can replace you within 2 days. And they do. We just got a new girl in housekeeping yesterday.
The Mexican workers have to pay for their meals too. We get free room and board, but apparently they don't. They get paid $240 a week, and they get $120 taken out for food. But the problem is they can't complain because most of them are here illegally anyway. Danny, one of the workers from southern Mexico who taught himself English in a year left today. He was nice and really smart. I'm sad he's gone, but I know he's for sure in a better situation now.
It's hard for me because I really like Zion National Park itself and I LOVE the people here. But right now I don't like my job. It's just really stressful. The thing is, I have a spot in a house in SLC starting July 1st. And Jamba Juice told me they would be happy to have me back. If I was working full time, I could probably afford to pay for my rent and groceries. But if I don't fulfill my contract, I won't get the $40 per week bonus. The way our pay works is apparently we get $240 a week, but during the summer, we only get $200 a week, and then we get the $40 per week at the end of the summer if we fulfill our contract. I haven't gotten a paycheck yet, so I don't know if that's exactly true. My contract goes until August 19th. I just don't know if I can make it that long, but I don't know if I can afford not to.
I'm extremely tired.
I really miss Landon.
:(
I really, really miss Landon. That's for sure the hardest part.
Technically, this place is required by law to give us breaks, but we don't get them. They also don't pay overtime. Technically at the front desk we have it pretty easy. The kids camp workers work at least 8 and a half hours every day and the wranglers work even more. At least we get paid for the hours we work at the front desk, we just don't get paid 150% like we should.
People have been dropping like flies since I've gotten here. At least 3 people have left in the past week. And if you want to leave, the management doesn't care. They have a huge stack of applicants and they basically tell you you're a dime a dozen and that if you leave they can replace you within 2 days. And they do. We just got a new girl in housekeeping yesterday.
The Mexican workers have to pay for their meals too. We get free room and board, but apparently they don't. They get paid $240 a week, and they get $120 taken out for food. But the problem is they can't complain because most of them are here illegally anyway. Danny, one of the workers from southern Mexico who taught himself English in a year left today. He was nice and really smart. I'm sad he's gone, but I know he's for sure in a better situation now.
It's hard for me because I really like Zion National Park itself and I LOVE the people here. But right now I don't like my job. It's just really stressful. The thing is, I have a spot in a house in SLC starting July 1st. And Jamba Juice told me they would be happy to have me back. If I was working full time, I could probably afford to pay for my rent and groceries. But if I don't fulfill my contract, I won't get the $40 per week bonus. The way our pay works is apparently we get $240 a week, but during the summer, we only get $200 a week, and then we get the $40 per week at the end of the summer if we fulfill our contract. I haven't gotten a paycheck yet, so I don't know if that's exactly true. My contract goes until August 19th. I just don't know if I can make it that long, but I don't know if I can afford not to.
I'm extremely tired.
I really miss Landon.
:(
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Catchup Update (with some fries on the side)
My goodness gracious, so much has happened lately! Ok, lets start with Thursday, my last day off until next Thursday.
So I was kind of moping around trying to figure out what to do because I couldn't figure out who else had the day off and I couldn't find anyone with a car. I really wanted to go hiking and it's almost impossible to hike anywhere around here with out either someone to pick you up or drop you off. Finally Natalie told me she would go with me. So we set out an hour later than planned (around 3:30), towards observation point. About a half-mile into our hike, a bunch of our co-workers pulled up next to us on ATVs and asked if we wanted a ride to the park boundary. Naturally we accepted. What ensued was an all too terrifying, but slightly fun experience. I got on the back of one of the girls' ATVs and Natalie got on with the guy in front. I was so scared! The road gets really bumpy and I totally thought we were gonna crash,but I picked a good driver. I did, however, have tears streaming down my cheeks. Not because I was scared or sad, but because there was so much wind and dust hitting my eyes! The got us to the park way faster than we would have though. They probably cut off the hour that we lost by leaving late, plus that section really isn't very pretty and hence not much fun to hike, so it really worked perfectly.
Observation point is only 2.5 miles from the park boundary, but it feels like a lot longer since you're at 6500 ft elevation. I always feel like some secret explorer going in that specific entrance, because it's just a gate through a barbed wire fence. No ranger, no ranger station, just a really outdated sign that warns against mountain lions or something. I don't really know. So we were finally getting on the home stretch of Observation Point, and all the while, we were having some really good conversation and getting to know each other. Then we finally got out there and Natalie was pretty impressed. It was her fist time seeing it and she was kind of speechless. We had a nice little picnic dinner with a complete stranger from Colorado. I shared my orange with him, and he gave us rasinets. Good stuff. I think the best part of my entire day was when Landon called me. We had a nice little chat, though he was a little stressed, but we got to chat and catch up a little and that was nice. Then we started the descent.
Ok so I didn't explain our plan beforehand. We had decided that we were going to hike to Observation Point from the resort and then hike down the Observation Point trail into the canyon, ride the shuttle to the Lodge, call the resort from there to arrange a ride, get back on the shuttle and then ride to Canyon Junction, and then get picked up. So we started going down. And kept going. And going. And going. It was such a long hike! But it had amazing views the whole time. I wish I took more pictures, but I didn't. Maybe next time. The whole trail was downhill, which got to be really hard on my knees, but it was totally worth the view and our surroundings. We were really close to some big horned sheep too! That part was really cool. We didn't see them, but we could hear one of them. I don't know how many or how close, but that was super cool! By the time we got down and were on flat ground again, it felt weird. We had been going down hill for about 4 miles, so it was a nice change. Everything else went seamlessly. We called, they picked us up about 2 minutes after we got to our meeting spot, and we went on our way back. We were able to grab the last remnants of dinner before it all got cleaned up too, which was great because I was starving! After hiking 6 or 7 miles, I figured I was rightfully hungry.
After dinner, we went hot tubbing. The water was so hot though, so we got in the pool to do some kicks, and then we went down the water slide a bunch which was so fun! Scary but fun. By this time it was completely dark outside. There were a bunch of people from some singles ward in Nevada there, and there were guys doing flips off the wall, which isn't really safe, but was kinda cool. Then we decided to be really adventurous and get in the un-heated pool. That was an experience. We decided we just had to go down the water slide to get in that one because it was so cold. I almost screamed. It was freezing. So then we got back in the other one.
We seriously spent so much time treading water and doing kicks (by doing kicks, I mean holding on to a bar and kicking like you're swimming. I do it because it helps my back) it was like another whole workout! All in all, it was a perfect end to a perfect day.
So I was kind of moping around trying to figure out what to do because I couldn't figure out who else had the day off and I couldn't find anyone with a car. I really wanted to go hiking and it's almost impossible to hike anywhere around here with out either someone to pick you up or drop you off. Finally Natalie told me she would go with me. So we set out an hour later than planned (around 3:30), towards observation point. About a half-mile into our hike, a bunch of our co-workers pulled up next to us on ATVs and asked if we wanted a ride to the park boundary. Naturally we accepted. What ensued was an all too terrifying, but slightly fun experience. I got on the back of one of the girls' ATVs and Natalie got on with the guy in front. I was so scared! The road gets really bumpy and I totally thought we were gonna crash,but I picked a good driver. I did, however, have tears streaming down my cheeks. Not because I was scared or sad, but because there was so much wind and dust hitting my eyes! The got us to the park way faster than we would have though. They probably cut off the hour that we lost by leaving late, plus that section really isn't very pretty and hence not much fun to hike, so it really worked perfectly.
Observation point is only 2.5 miles from the park boundary, but it feels like a lot longer since you're at 6500 ft elevation. I always feel like some secret explorer going in that specific entrance, because it's just a gate through a barbed wire fence. No ranger, no ranger station, just a really outdated sign that warns against mountain lions or something. I don't really know. So we were finally getting on the home stretch of Observation Point, and all the while, we were having some really good conversation and getting to know each other. Then we finally got out there and Natalie was pretty impressed. It was her fist time seeing it and she was kind of speechless. We had a nice little picnic dinner with a complete stranger from Colorado. I shared my orange with him, and he gave us rasinets. Good stuff. I think the best part of my entire day was when Landon called me. We had a nice little chat, though he was a little stressed, but we got to chat and catch up a little and that was nice. Then we started the descent.
Ok so I didn't explain our plan beforehand. We had decided that we were going to hike to Observation Point from the resort and then hike down the Observation Point trail into the canyon, ride the shuttle to the Lodge, call the resort from there to arrange a ride, get back on the shuttle and then ride to Canyon Junction, and then get picked up. So we started going down. And kept going. And going. And going. It was such a long hike! But it had amazing views the whole time. I wish I took more pictures, but I didn't. Maybe next time. The whole trail was downhill, which got to be really hard on my knees, but it was totally worth the view and our surroundings. We were really close to some big horned sheep too! That part was really cool. We didn't see them, but we could hear one of them. I don't know how many or how close, but that was super cool! By the time we got down and were on flat ground again, it felt weird. We had been going down hill for about 4 miles, so it was a nice change. Everything else went seamlessly. We called, they picked us up about 2 minutes after we got to our meeting spot, and we went on our way back. We were able to grab the last remnants of dinner before it all got cleaned up too, which was great because I was starving! After hiking 6 or 7 miles, I figured I was rightfully hungry.
After dinner, we went hot tubbing. The water was so hot though, so we got in the pool to do some kicks, and then we went down the water slide a bunch which was so fun! Scary but fun. By this time it was completely dark outside. There were a bunch of people from some singles ward in Nevada there, and there were guys doing flips off the wall, which isn't really safe, but was kinda cool. Then we decided to be really adventurous and get in the un-heated pool. That was an experience. We decided we just had to go down the water slide to get in that one because it was so cold. I almost screamed. It was freezing. So then we got back in the other one.
We seriously spent so much time treading water and doing kicks (by doing kicks, I mean holding on to a bar and kicking like you're swimming. I do it because it helps my back) it was like another whole workout! All in all, it was a perfect end to a perfect day.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
The Adventures of Lewis and Clark
Today was friggin awesome! It was my day off, so that automatically makes it nice. Me and my coworker Sharon did Hidden Canyon again, and this time we went a lot faster, so we got to go farther. We were super excited to go exploring and I told her that I was Lewis and she was Clark. I then had to explain to her who Lewis and Clark were (she's from Ecuador). She thought that was pretty cool, so we called each other Lewis and Clark for the rest of the hike. We went farther up the canyon, and we explored a couple small slot canyons along the side. They were so narrow we had to take our backpacks off some of the time. I kept having flashbacks to the story of the guy who had to cut his own arm off (long story, it was all over the news a couple years ago), but I decided we were not hiking out in the middle of nowhere alone, so we wouldn't have to cut any limbs off with boy scout knives.
We found the rumored arch and I must admit I was a little disappointed. I guess I was expecting something big and red like in Arches, but this was only about 10 feet tall and grayish. That's ok though. It was free-standing and still pretty cool. We went about as far as we could, but we finally got to an area where we would have had a hell of a time trying to climb down the boulders on the way back, so we turned around. On the way back we met this old couple who were super knowledgeable about pretty much anything that had to do with hiking. We sat and talked to them for awhile and learned a lot. That's the kind of old person I wanna be--hiking ten miles a day every summer and skiing in the winter. None of that retirement home crap for me:)
Since it was my day off, I got to lay around and not do much, which is always nice. I took like and hour and a half nap, which was great. Took a shower and actually styled my hair nicely, and laid out by the pool, which was super relaxing. I thought I would be bored without something to do, but I was only there for about a half hour and it was perfect. I took a couple dips in the non-heated pool to cool of and did that sure cool me off!
I also got a couple looks at the baby squirrels (another story) which are SO CUTE! Ok, I know you really shouldn't adopt wildlife, but these little fluffballs are really cute! One of the girls who adopted them said they're getting better (they were sick and dying when she adopted them and she's been nursing them back to health) and they're going to let them go free soon. But they've been drinking warm milk out of a bottle she's been giving them, so I don't know if they'll figure out how to find their own food or just die like they were originally. Obviously these girls shouldn't have intervened with nature's process, but I'm hoping for the best possible outcome.
As for me, I'm pretty excited because it looks like Nathan is visiting Friday night, and there is also a dance party then! YAY! I seriously LOVE dancing! Like a lot. So I'm pretty excited about that. Nathan will be vastly out numbered on the guy/girl ratio and may have them flocking to him since they've been feeling a little deprived of male contact lately. Poor guy. I should warn him about that.
Oh. And we have a mouse running around the gift shop. Hopefully it doesn't get into the kitchen.
That's about it for today. It was a great day off. Tomorrow I don't work till 2:30, so Marci and I are getting breakfast together, then working out, and then laying out by the pool as our reward.
More to come...
We found the rumored arch and I must admit I was a little disappointed. I guess I was expecting something big and red like in Arches, but this was only about 10 feet tall and grayish. That's ok though. It was free-standing and still pretty cool. We went about as far as we could, but we finally got to an area where we would have had a hell of a time trying to climb down the boulders on the way back, so we turned around. On the way back we met this old couple who were super knowledgeable about pretty much anything that had to do with hiking. We sat and talked to them for awhile and learned a lot. That's the kind of old person I wanna be--hiking ten miles a day every summer and skiing in the winter. None of that retirement home crap for me:)
Since it was my day off, I got to lay around and not do much, which is always nice. I took like and hour and a half nap, which was great. Took a shower and actually styled my hair nicely, and laid out by the pool, which was super relaxing. I thought I would be bored without something to do, but I was only there for about a half hour and it was perfect. I took a couple dips in the non-heated pool to cool of and did that sure cool me off!
I also got a couple looks at the baby squirrels (another story) which are SO CUTE! Ok, I know you really shouldn't adopt wildlife, but these little fluffballs are really cute! One of the girls who adopted them said they're getting better (they were sick and dying when she adopted them and she's been nursing them back to health) and they're going to let them go free soon. But they've been drinking warm milk out of a bottle she's been giving them, so I don't know if they'll figure out how to find their own food or just die like they were originally. Obviously these girls shouldn't have intervened with nature's process, but I'm hoping for the best possible outcome.
As for me, I'm pretty excited because it looks like Nathan is visiting Friday night, and there is also a dance party then! YAY! I seriously LOVE dancing! Like a lot. So I'm pretty excited about that. Nathan will be vastly out numbered on the guy/girl ratio and may have them flocking to him since they've been feeling a little deprived of male contact lately. Poor guy. I should warn him about that.
Oh. And we have a mouse running around the gift shop. Hopefully it doesn't get into the kitchen.
That's about it for today. It was a great day off. Tomorrow I don't work till 2:30, so Marci and I are getting breakfast together, then working out, and then laying out by the pool as our reward.
More to come...
Saturday, June 6, 2009
A New Day, A New Light
So today was pretty cool. Me and one of my coworkers went on a hike called Hidden Canyon. She had to work at 2:30, so we had to go kind of early. It was really chilly for about the first half of the hike because we were mostly in the shade, but we were moving fast so we warmed up pretty quick. The hike ends at the mouth of a canyon. You can hike up the canyon if you want, but it isn't maintained so some of it is pretty difficult. We decided to keep going. Apparently there's an arch you can hike to somewhere.
Let me just stop here and say that this hike had amazing viewpoints throughout. Some of the time we were literally hiking along a cliff. I took lots of pictures. See my Facebook page. It was pretty sweet.
So we got to the mouth of the canyon, looked at the time and decided, hey, why not? We started hiking up. This trail had been pretty fun anyway because it was less populated than some of the other ones like Weeping Rock (which it begins with), Emerald Pools, and Riverside Walk. This part was really cool though because we had real obstacles to try to master: large rocks, trees damming up way. It was really cool. I felt like an explorer since there weren't many other people around, climing up all these rocks, finding routes around trees, it was super fun. Eventually, we decided for the sake of time we would turn around to make sure we made it back in time. And promptly got pulled over for having a break light out (my coworker's car). The officer just gave her a warning, but wrote her a ticket for driving without a license with her. This was still in the park. Seriously, who goes hiking with their driver's license? I thought that was pretty dumb. Then again, I had mine because sometimes they ask for our ID at the entrance. We get in for free because we're employees but some of the asshat workers ask us for ID to prove we are the person on the list. But now I'm rambling.
So we never made it to the rumored arch, but it was still a really cool hike, with some potentially awesome bouldering opportunities, which is why I'm for sure taking Landon on it when he visits :) and anyone else who makes it down here that wants to see some pretty sweet stuff.
After that I took an almost 2 hour nap, which felt AMAZING! Then I listened to music in the shower and put makeup on and did my hair, which I love doing, kinda sad, but that's the girly part of me. Tonight there's a rodeo and barn dance (i.e. country music and line dancing). The rodeo should be fun. The barn dance should be interesting considering I'd rather pencil out my eyeballs than listen to that garbage (I obviously don't have any sort of opinion about that subject:). The rest of the night should be interesting.
Tomorrow should be quiet as everybody except me will be at church.
Let me just stop here and say that this hike had amazing viewpoints throughout. Some of the time we were literally hiking along a cliff. I took lots of pictures. See my Facebook page. It was pretty sweet.
So we got to the mouth of the canyon, looked at the time and decided, hey, why not? We started hiking up. This trail had been pretty fun anyway because it was less populated than some of the other ones like Weeping Rock (which it begins with), Emerald Pools, and Riverside Walk. This part was really cool though because we had real obstacles to try to master: large rocks, trees damming up way. It was really cool. I felt like an explorer since there weren't many other people around, climing up all these rocks, finding routes around trees, it was super fun. Eventually, we decided for the sake of time we would turn around to make sure we made it back in time. And promptly got pulled over for having a break light out (my coworker's car). The officer just gave her a warning, but wrote her a ticket for driving without a license with her. This was still in the park. Seriously, who goes hiking with their driver's license? I thought that was pretty dumb. Then again, I had mine because sometimes they ask for our ID at the entrance. We get in for free because we're employees but some of the asshat workers ask us for ID to prove we are the person on the list. But now I'm rambling.
So we never made it to the rumored arch, but it was still a really cool hike, with some potentially awesome bouldering opportunities, which is why I'm for sure taking Landon on it when he visits :) and anyone else who makes it down here that wants to see some pretty sweet stuff.
After that I took an almost 2 hour nap, which felt AMAZING! Then I listened to music in the shower and put makeup on and did my hair, which I love doing, kinda sad, but that's the girly part of me. Tonight there's a rodeo and barn dance (i.e. country music and line dancing). The rodeo should be fun. The barn dance should be interesting considering I'd rather pencil out my eyeballs than listen to that garbage (I obviously don't have any sort of opinion about that subject:). The rest of the night should be interesting.
Tomorrow should be quiet as everybody except me will be at church.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Non Reality Examen d'Realite Numero Trois
Ok after doing some dancing I feel a little better. Always helps. But pretty much everything I said still stands true, unfortunately. Or fortunately. Depending on your perspective.
Reality Check Numero Dos
DISCLAIMER: THIS POST IS UGLY. IF YOU LIKE RAINBOWS, FLOWERS, HAPPY ENDINGS AND SMALL PAPER PACKAGES TIED UP WITH STRING DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT READ THIS POST. IF YOU DISLIKE SAD STORIES, BAD LANGUAGE AND ANGER, DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT READ THIS POST. SKIP IT AND READ THE NEXT DAY'S. IT IS SURE TO BE HAPPIER. Dude. I'm not kidding.
I have nothing to say.
I feel this need to put my feelings into words but they’re not coming in the eloquent fashion I can usually expect. I can’t do it in a beautiful story in a parallel universe that nobody needs to know really pertains to me. I’m just tired. I just need a nap. It’s nothing. Repress it. Put it away. Lock it up. With all the other unacceptable feelings like lust, guilt, and the lack thereof.
I hate God and the Bible and Christianity and everything that pertains to it. I don’t know how to be real. I don’t know how to be me. I feel like I’ve lived my entire life in this little cookie cutter and now someone has taken it away (maybe me?) and I am clinging for dear life to the things that aren’t really me. I have acted like a Christian for so long that I don’t know how to be me now. And no offense but being surrounded by a bunch of mormons doesn’t really help. I keep mentioning all the Christian activities I do because I subconsciously feel like I need to keep up or something. I got a facebook message today from a couple friends that kept saying things about God and I was so mad I just closed it without replying. Drinking is against the rules (rules—another thing I hate) but if I could right now, I’d have a beer and some cigarettes. I need some of that medication: Fukitol.
Fuck it all.
I’m so sick of all this religious bullshit and I have no idea how to get it all out of my system. I need to detox on God and I don’t know how. I was going to use this summer to figure out how to be me, but it’s not working so far. I hate trying to live up to other people’s standards. It’s totally subconscious too. It’s not like I think to myself, “Hmm. This girl is LDS and talking about how she’s praying to Heavenly Father to give her direction. I should talk about my perfect Christian record and all the good things I do and how I pray all the time too and how I ask God for direction too and, and, and…” Lies. All lies.
Fuck this religious bullshit.
Apathetic. A pathetic way to be.
I don’t know who I am.
Well I feel a little bit better getting that off my chest.
I have nothing to say.
I feel this need to put my feelings into words but they’re not coming in the eloquent fashion I can usually expect. I can’t do it in a beautiful story in a parallel universe that nobody needs to know really pertains to me. I’m just tired. I just need a nap. It’s nothing. Repress it. Put it away. Lock it up. With all the other unacceptable feelings like lust, guilt, and the lack thereof.
I hate God and the Bible and Christianity and everything that pertains to it. I don’t know how to be real. I don’t know how to be me. I feel like I’ve lived my entire life in this little cookie cutter and now someone has taken it away (maybe me?) and I am clinging for dear life to the things that aren’t really me. I have acted like a Christian for so long that I don’t know how to be me now. And no offense but being surrounded by a bunch of mormons doesn’t really help. I keep mentioning all the Christian activities I do because I subconsciously feel like I need to keep up or something. I got a facebook message today from a couple friends that kept saying things about God and I was so mad I just closed it without replying. Drinking is against the rules (rules—another thing I hate) but if I could right now, I’d have a beer and some cigarettes. I need some of that medication: Fukitol.
Fuck it all.
I’m so sick of all this religious bullshit and I have no idea how to get it all out of my system. I need to detox on God and I don’t know how. I was going to use this summer to figure out how to be me, but it’s not working so far. I hate trying to live up to other people’s standards. It’s totally subconscious too. It’s not like I think to myself, “Hmm. This girl is LDS and talking about how she’s praying to Heavenly Father to give her direction. I should talk about my perfect Christian record and all the good things I do and how I pray all the time too and how I ask God for direction too and, and, and…” Lies. All lies.
Fuck this religious bullshit.
Apathetic. A pathetic way to be.
I don’t know who I am.
Well I feel a little bit better getting that off my chest.
Reality Check
Today work was a little bit traumatic. It got super chaotic. Our manager always wants everything to be perfect and on top of that the owners of the entire resort are coming today so everything has to be more perfect than normal. No problem right? Wrong. Everything kept going wrong, and during the morning shift half the things left my co-worker and me at a loss. Luckily, I didn't have to take much buck since I know the least and have been here for the shortest. I just feel like the way they train us works like this: tell them everything and then hope they retain it all. The End. And I was way over on my cash drawer drop because one of the other ladies had made a couple changes and forgotten to tell me. I ended up leaving a little over an hour late. Today I worked from 7:15 am to 4:15 pm. At least I get a paid lunch. I asked my co-worker if we needed to clock out for lunch and she said since we don't ever get breaks we shouldn't need to. So that's pretty cool. As much as I like this job, it's also really stressful. Yesterday after work I tried to take a nap and for the first few minutes when I closed my eyes, all I could see was the "room tape" or the screen we use to make reservations. I decided that wasn't good.
Don't get me wrong. I really like working front desk. I like answering phones, making reservations, checking people in, checking people out and all that. It was just so chaotic today that I felt like a chicken running around with its head cut off.
Tonight we're watching a movie outside on a big projector with popcorn and the works, so that should be really fun. I think the best/funniest part of my day consisted of a phone call that went something like this:
Me: "Zion Ponderosa, this is Shawn"
Caller: "Well that's a pretty lady"
Me (thinking this is some major kind of creeper who is hoping to get a discount on his reservation because he flirted with the girl on the other end): "Sorry?"
Caller: "Well that's a pretty lady"
Me: "Umm..?"
Caller: "Hey it's me!" (Landon)
Me: "...OH! Hi!"
He ended up making the reservation I told him he needed to get on for 4th of july weekend. We had a nice little chat. He luckily called during one of the shurt lulls, so we had a few minutes to chat.
Tomorrow's my day off, so that will be really really nice. Hopefully me and Marci will get to go on a hike together. That's all for now.
Don't get me wrong. I really like working front desk. I like answering phones, making reservations, checking people in, checking people out and all that. It was just so chaotic today that I felt like a chicken running around with its head cut off.
Tonight we're watching a movie outside on a big projector with popcorn and the works, so that should be really fun. I think the best/funniest part of my day consisted of a phone call that went something like this:
Me: "Zion Ponderosa, this is Shawn"
Caller: "Well that's a pretty lady"
Me (thinking this is some major kind of creeper who is hoping to get a discount on his reservation because he flirted with the girl on the other end): "Sorry?"
Caller: "Well that's a pretty lady"
Me: "Umm..?"
Caller: "Hey it's me!" (Landon)
Me: "...OH! Hi!"
He ended up making the reservation I told him he needed to get on for 4th of july weekend. We had a nice little chat. He luckily called during one of the shurt lulls, so we had a few minutes to chat.
Tomorrow's my day off, so that will be really really nice. Hopefully me and Marci will get to go on a hike together. That's all for now.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Entrez Vous!
Well here it is! Finally my long-promised blog! Here's the basic update on what I have here and why:
-Future Love Paradise is a really cool song by Seal that talks about love and peace and freedom. That song kind of sums up the essence of me. However, futureloveparadise was taken, so I had to go with futureloveparadises.
-If you want to find out why I'm the lovely other dinosaur, you have to read "A Lovely Love Story" by Edward Monkton. It's a love story about dinosaurs and it is almost exactly me and Landon's story.
-I'm not entirely sure why I chose Sunkissed Raindrops as my title. It's kind of a way to define my life. Quite often I feel like my life is a huge storm with all its ups and downs. Sometimes it feels more like a hurricane. Living in Oregon made me appreciate the sun. Living in Utah made me appreciate the rain. Funny how that works. Anyway, sometimes the sun seems brightest right after the clouds have passed. The sky above is blue, yet the remaining raindrops are still softly falling. They glow beautifully in the newfound sunlight. I'd like to think that I can be some sort of sunkissed raindrop in this storm we call life.
-I originally created this thing to keep up with a lot of the people I won't see or be able to talk on the phone with or get coffee with, but I think it's going to be a writer's blog for me as well. Hopefully a nice mix between the two.
Current situation:
Right now, I am working at a resort called Zion Ponderosa Ranch Resort. I get free room and board along with a paycheck. Nice setup, I know. I work at the front desk and mostly help people make reservations, check in, and check out. It's been pretty overwhelming at first trying to learn a new computer system for the reservations and memorizing all the information about the resort as well as memorizing the processes for making reservations. I really enjoy it so far though, and my co-workers are all great.
There are about 30-40 other girls working here and probably about 10 guys. Pretty sure I'm the only non-LDS person here, until the twins arrive. But for the most part I get along with everyone and there are a few people that I really like hanging out with.
This place is beautiful. I wish all of my friends could come visit me and see how amazing it is, but I know that's not really possible in reality.
More to come!
-Future Love Paradise is a really cool song by Seal that talks about love and peace and freedom. That song kind of sums up the essence of me. However, futureloveparadise was taken, so I had to go with futureloveparadises.
-If you want to find out why I'm the lovely other dinosaur, you have to read "A Lovely Love Story" by Edward Monkton. It's a love story about dinosaurs and it is almost exactly me and Landon's story.
-I'm not entirely sure why I chose Sunkissed Raindrops as my title. It's kind of a way to define my life. Quite often I feel like my life is a huge storm with all its ups and downs. Sometimes it feels more like a hurricane. Living in Oregon made me appreciate the sun. Living in Utah made me appreciate the rain. Funny how that works. Anyway, sometimes the sun seems brightest right after the clouds have passed. The sky above is blue, yet the remaining raindrops are still softly falling. They glow beautifully in the newfound sunlight. I'd like to think that I can be some sort of sunkissed raindrop in this storm we call life.
-I originally created this thing to keep up with a lot of the people I won't see or be able to talk on the phone with or get coffee with, but I think it's going to be a writer's blog for me as well. Hopefully a nice mix between the two.
Current situation:
Right now, I am working at a resort called Zion Ponderosa Ranch Resort. I get free room and board along with a paycheck. Nice setup, I know. I work at the front desk and mostly help people make reservations, check in, and check out. It's been pretty overwhelming at first trying to learn a new computer system for the reservations and memorizing all the information about the resort as well as memorizing the processes for making reservations. I really enjoy it so far though, and my co-workers are all great.
There are about 30-40 other girls working here and probably about 10 guys. Pretty sure I'm the only non-LDS person here, until the twins arrive. But for the most part I get along with everyone and there are a few people that I really like hanging out with.
This place is beautiful. I wish all of my friends could come visit me and see how amazing it is, but I know that's not really possible in reality.
More to come!
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